"Like delicately seasoned steak tartar..."

There is good news, there is great news and then there is the news that big wave champion Billy Kemper is joining OnlyFans. That sort of news that tilts the world on its very axis. The Maui raised Kemper, thirty-four, is known for his epic Jaws performances as well as his smoldering good looks and will certainly be a welcome addition to the popular internet subscription service.

Per the PR inquiry, Kemper “plans to use his platform on OnlyFans to share exclusive content around his training and also share his thoughts on the US Open competition.”

As thirsty surf fans know, the annual Huntington Beach bacchanal officially gets underway on August 5th. Long Beach’s Sublime will be headlining the musical portion of the show leading many to imagine another glorious riot to add to a long-ish list of glorious riots.

Fun.

Back to Kemper, though, as a four-time Jaws winner, his insight into the competitive nuts and bolts of Huntington Beach, its bathymetry etc. will be more than welcome. Do you have a horse in that race or will you be mainly focused on the Olympics, which just so happen to be running concurrently?

I am in Paris covering the Games, as you know, just down the street from the USA House, as it happens. I heard a rumor that victorious surfers will be flown the 10,000 from Tahiti to the City of Light and I very much look forward to showing them around. I’ve already discovered a favorite bistro that Vahine Fierro and Joao Chianca will undoubtedly enjoy. Those are my picks for gold, by the way. Silvers will go to John John Florence and Brisa Hennessy. Bronzes to Jack Robinson and Molly Picklum.

Back to the bistro, though, I had the most delicate steak tartar of my life and foie gras that, truly, inspired. Any of the above Olympians will relish twice as much as they will have been eating poisson cru, only, for the past two weeks.

Like wandering through the maze of OnlyFans and stumbling upon Billy Kemper.

Inspired.

Hubba hubba.

Almost one month ago, Hawaiian surf star Koa Rothman stunned surf watchers by dropping longtime sponsor for Quiksilver for bodybuilding brand Darc Sport Hawaii. The son of Fast Eddie took to Instagram to explain, “They’ve got the sickest logo, the sickest team, I met with them in California, it’s a super cool vibe not corporate at all. And not just me, they picked up the gnarliest guy ever in surfing, Bruce Irons, and the gnarliest guy in the MMA, Max Holloway. That’s their Hawaiian team, me, Bruce and Max. They started back in 2015. They started with bodybuilders, then moved into fitness influencers, and now they’re breaking into surfing and MMA. Their background is definitely weightlifting and fitness, which is really cool. They’re a brand that wants the athletes involved in what they’re doing.”

Things got much heavier, hours ago, when Santa Cruz hunk Peter Mel melted the internet with an unfairly handsome photo shoot declaring he, too, is on the team.

The big wave star simply stated, “It’s not WHO wears it… But WHY. NFGU.”

#NFGU is the tagline for Darc Sport which stands for “Never Fucking Give Up.”

But the emergence of a new brand on the scene should well excite what with Hurley pivoting to beard oils and Billabong focusing on wide legged jeans for the Costco customer. It feels, almost, like the dawn of a whole new surf industrial era.

Darc Sports has a robust offering crossing surfwear staples such as hoodies, boardshorts, t-shirts, hats etc. Mel modeled a sweatshirt in his spread.

Congratulations came from all corners, onto Mel’s feed, including Dane Gudauskus, Bianca Valenti and Koa Rothman himself.

Bright days ahead.

“It’s a wave of consequence, so I’m not going to say that I’m not scared, I am.”

The surf world held its collective breath, two weeks ago, when Australia’s Tyler Wright withdrew from the Brazil leg of the World Surf League’s Championship Tour citing an “unspecified injury.” The two-time world champion, currently tenth in the world, has overcome almost too many obstacles to count on her professional surf journey including perpetual suffocation, African flu which led to post-viral syndrome, a father who forced her to surf and carrying the burden of being the only openly gay surfer at the highest levels of competition to name but a very few.

Her missing the Vivo Rio Pro serious in and of itself made much more extreme in light of the upcoming Olympic Games which will be contested, for surfers, in Tahiti.

Surfing Australia put a brave face on the situation, releasing a statement reading, “Tyler has been advised by her doctors and specialists that she needs some treatment and would prefer her sitting out Brazil. Tyler will be 100% ready for the Olympics.”

Though in a sign of possible doubt, Tyler Wright maybe being 98% ready for the Olympics, the team readied Sally Fitzgibbons as replacement.

Well, hours ago, Wright revealed the horror diagnosis that kept her out of Brazil.

Balance issues.

No further details were given, whether it is benign paroxysmal positional vertigo, vestibular neuritis, Meniere’s disease or Ramsay Hunt syndrome, for example, but brave Wright seems to be sallying forth telling the Guardian that it was a “hard call” to make heading to Teahupo’o but that she’s excited and ready.

“It’s a wave of consequence, so I’m not going to say that I’m not scared, I am,” she declared. “I’ve done a lot in the last couple of years to sit with that, but at the same time I don’t think it’s that complicated either; you either go or you don’t, and you make that decision in the moment.”

Wright is not a favorite, by the numbers, but her hero’s journey will, no doubt, inspire and isn’t that what the Olympics is really about?

Very exciting.

I will, of course, be covering all the action from ground zero nearly 10,000 miles away in Paris and will be certain to keep abreast of any and all developments as opening day draws near.

Médicalement miraculeux.