"The only sport I remember seeing this was gymnastics with that Russian coach."

And thus the Games begin. Our surfers are now, officially, in Tahiti and the joy of anticipation, of brotherhood, of Olympic fervor has instantly devolved for the United States surf team in what must be considered a blunder of historic proportions. As is the rule in our Sport of Kings, communication is generally non-existent. Decisions are made and implemented with zero nod to transparency, explanation or care for The People™ and their feelings on matters.

As such, the aforementioned grouping of John John Florence, Carissa Moore, Griffin Colapinto, Caitlin Simmers and such will be guided, almost exclusively, by Australian coaches.

Shane Dorian was introduced, weeks ago, as captain, somehow replacing Brett Simpson but, apparently, the powers that be decided those flying the green and gold should be responsible for the red, white and blue.

Rage over the move bubbling through the social medias.

Australian hero, and apparent coach, Luke Egan shared his “Team USA” post, replete with flag, to Instagram teeing off the meltdown.

Florence, notably, opting out of the pictoral.

“USA team with Aussie coaches unethical what wrong with Shane Dorian, Tom Curren, or the goat as you call him,” one punter wondered.

“The very reason surfing has sold out so disappointing anything for a dollar, I will never understand greed in such a great sport of surfing ever, congratulations your decision to take a position has turned a nation against you, hopefully other would be so called coaches take notice, pride and passion before coin disgraceful behaviour, it will take a long long time to be forgiven if ever,” another posited.

“So the USA can’t get their own coaches? 😂team AUS-USA,” a third pointed out and on and on it goes.

An extremely well-respected professional close to the levers of power asked, directly to BeachGrit’s royal me, “Why would you give the other teams fuel to run off of….like look they need people from my country or another country to beat me. I did notice JJ wasn’t wanting pics with the Aussies. In Japan Olympics we didn’t have coaches from other countries. The only sport I remember seeing this was gymnastics with that Russian coach.”

The mess, like Adidas’ fumble, is now very public.

Thoughts?

Prayers?

More, in either case, as the story develops.

Steamy nights ahead.

The 2024 Olympic Games is now, officially, but hours away and, yet, the war between those competing in Paris and those competing 10,000 a miles away in Teahupo’o is already heating up. The early victories went to Paris with one intrepid surf journalist on the ground describing the culinary delights awaiting those bound for the City of Lights. Foie gras, steak frites with pepper sauce, croissants and duck as many ways as can be imagined. One, and only one, dish is served at the End of the Road and it is poisson cru and it is served three meals a day and for snack.

And yet, might our surfers have just one an important battle of their own?

Athletes are just beginning to arrive at Paris’ Olympic Village situated in an outer suburb. Now, I traveled to a nearby outer suburb, Nanterre, for two straight weeks and must admit that the pheromones from the City of Love don’t really waft beyond the arrondissement. And, according to British diver Tom Daley, they may not need too as he described the thin bed as “anti-sex” in a TikTok demonstration.

Irish gymnast Rhys McClenaghan recorded himself flipping etc. on the bed to test the theory and found it just fine, declaring his English counterpart was spreading “fake news” but those two countries’ centuries long “troubles” make any information suspect.

On and on, anyhow, the debate went whilst surfers, halfway across the world, smugly spooned down yet another helping of poisson cru whilst lounging on their “love boat.” As you know, the surfers and Colin Jost will be staying on a reconstituted cargo ship as a “floating hotel.” And as anyone who has ever watched a television series about “life aboard” knows, “a little night music” is the most common tune of all.

The Aranui 5 will surely be a’ rockin’ but which of our surfers will be involved?

Steamy nights ahead.