"It was heartbreaking to watch it go by and think
that should have been my wave."
An emotional Kelly Slater has formally announced he has
surfed his “last-ever heat at Cloudbreak” following his
elimination round loss to Brazilian Yago Dora at the Fiji Pro a
short time ago.
“I knew there’s two good waves in most sets. Most of the good
sets didn’t hit the right spot. And I took a bad wave with
priority. So I gave priority over to Yago… And at that point, you
know, I probably was out of the heat already. There wasn’t really
much else I could have done… It was heartbreaking to watch it go by
and think that should have been my wave.
“I’m happy for Yago and and just… this was probably the last
heat I’ll ever surf out here at Cloudbreak.”
Cue choked back tears etc.
Real or prank? Who knows?
The first time Kelly Slater retired was in 1998, the then
six-time world champ having just-turned twenty-six. He competed
sporadically over the next few years, winning Pipe in 1999 and the
Eddie in 2002, before re-joining the tour to take on Andy Irons
head-on, hinting at retirement every year thereafter.
"If anyone wants to Google this cop his 'top
skills' are listed as 'de-escalation' and 'conflict
resolution'"
As if there weren’t enough reasons not to surf New
Jersey in the summer, you can now add being choked and
wrestled to the ground by local police officers for not showing
your beach badge within, say, five seconds of being asked.
In a scene eerily similar to Stalins Gulag Archipelago, a surfer
in Belmar NJ was throttled to the ground by town authorities for
failing to show his “beach badge.”
You can hear the surfer say, below the screams of his beloved
boo and right before the Hulk Hogan arm-to-neck embrace,
“I have my badge right there.”
The surfer appears to be calm and following orders. What happens
next is a move only Conor McGregor could appreciate. A rear-naked
choke with enough force to wrangle a Montana bison, thrown down
face first to the sand like a beach pylon.
It takes six officers to lead the dangerous surfer away.
A short time later, Liam Mahoney, 28, of Junction City,
California, is charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
and obstruction of justice.
A lil background on Jersey (New York too) beach access
badges.
From Memorial Day (May 31) to Labor Day (September 2) all
non-residents are required to buy daily beach access badges. Prices
range from ten to thirty dollars. Jersey and New York costal
communities thrive on blow-ins during the summer months. Most
businesses and municipalities have to make their money during these
times, hence the badges and inflated “non-local” prices on
goods.
It’s a 50 shade of grey line when trying to cross the threshold
to the beach. Technically, by municipal law, ya gotta pay if your
using the beach. But, if you’re just going to surf, swim or fish
(no umbrella, cooler, beach chair) you could walk right by the teen
sentinels with a smile and a wave.
The Belmar Police Department was called for a few questions and
responded with the usual two word cop out (pun intended): “No
comment.”
Locals on Instagram were quick to respond:
@floatywoodboat - Doesn’t need a badge to surf. It’s illegal to
prevent use of the water. Says it right on the nj government
website
The public’s right to access tidal waters and their shorelines
is a concept that developed in Roman law and continues to this day.
Public access is a right that is part of the Public Trust Doctrine,
and these rights have primarily been defined in the many court
cases that have interpreted the Public Trust Doctrine. More
recently, in 2019, the Legislature passed a Public Access Law that
was signed by Governor Murphy and explicitly incorporates the
Public Trust Doctrine’s right of public access into the New Jersey
statutes. The Statute defines public access as “visual and physical
access to, and use of, tidal waters and adjacent shorelines,
sufficient perpendicular access from upland areas to tidal waters
and adjacent shorelines, and the necessary support amenities to
facilitate public access for all, including, but not limited to,
public parking and restrooms.” N.J.S.A. 13:1D-150(1)(f).
And three favorites: @russroe- This cop lost his chick to a
surfer this summer. Prove me wrong.
@meeg_verbauskas- if anyone wants to google this problematic cop
his “top skills” listed on linked in are “de-escalation” and
“conflict resolution”. what a joke
@alexandra_meehan- He can finally fulfill his dream of being a
djais bouncer. Give this guy his papers.
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Koa Rothman, in the blue sleeves, shares a DP
drainer with new pal.
Koa Rothman “battles kooks” at Desert Point
with screwfoot maestros Italo Ferreira and Clay Marzo
Games of grab-ass ain’t new at Desert Point, an insanely
hollow lefthander on the Indonesian island of Lombok and
long a stop-over for tube-hunters, mostly of the screwfoot
persuasion.
Do you remember the video of a Mexican surfer being attacked by
a Brazilian mid-wave there? Maybe one year ago?
Anyway, that, and this video below, highlight the absurdity of
the once-secret wave. Even in your ol pal DR’s lifetime he got to
surf it with one pal and the mysterious tube-hunter Jim Banks.
Slick four-footers scudding down the line, only front-door exits
available, doggy-doors firmly closed. A divine scene.
In this video, we find Koa Rothman using the locomotion of a
speed boat to avoid the four-hour ferry from Bali, a benefit of his
high rank and status within the worldwide surfing community.
Rothman arrives, tide and wind combine to rake the surf into near
perfection, he paddles out, camera in mouth etc, and, first wave,
discovers what a circus the joint can be. (Five-and-a-half-minutes
in.)
“There were some serious stuff-jobs going on,” Koa Rothman says,
with understatement.
Still, for the tall, slender and graceful Koa Rothman, this
thirty-year-old with dark olive skin which makes his almost purple
eyes striking, nothing can stop his Desert Point adventuring, as he
homers in on barrel after barrel.
Essential.
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Gabriel Medina, real hard to get against at
Cloudbreak, two or ten foot.
Open Thread: Comment Live on real Day One
of the Corona Fiji Pro!
Australia, that magical continent which is also
a country floating south of the equator pretty much all by its
lonesome, has long held much room in the American and English mind.
Quirky animals running to and fro, a quirkier population wandering
pristine streets wearing bush hats and carrying Bowie knives. Funny
names for coffee, friends, kissing.
It should come as no surprise that life expectancy in the Lucky
Country is much higher than America/England, a whopping 83.30 years
compared to 76.33 (America) and 80.70 (England), but the reason has
long mystified scientists.
Until now.
A blistering new op-ed about
why life is so much better, and longer, Down Under credits
“tradesmen knocking off work at 3pm to go surfing” for the healthy
spike.
Ex-pat Angela Mollard, a New Zealander who lived in England for
a decade before relocating to Australia’s Manly, opens her think
piece by savaging the United Kingdom and its fat people using
“mobility scooters” to get around before praising Australia, its
Mamils, or middle-aged men in lycra, and the aforementioned surfing
tradesmen who, according to her, are considered “national heroes”
for buoying the soaring life expectancy.
“If I’m honest, it was British men who once seduced me to your
country,” Mollard wrote. “They made me laugh. But as you age and
health becomes your new metric, you don’t want a bloke who looks
like he’s hewn from pork pie and salad cream. Incidentally, you’d
be hard-pressed to find those foodstuffs here (in Australia).
Rather, you need steak, lentils, vegetables and kombucha if you
want a body like Aussie stars Chris Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman or
Margot Robbie. And a lot of us do, because public health campaigns,
which begin at school, have laid out the benefits.”
Very cool though are you, dear doughy non-Australian reader,
jealous?
Considering a move yourself?
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros