He's leaving but he does not appear happy about it.
Surf fans, near and far, cheered heartily when it was announced that Cloudbreak would return to the 2024 Championship Tour season. The Fiji gem has long thrilled what with its perfect-presenting left freight training across the reef. Thanks to the likes of Strider Wasilewski and Richard Lovett, we know that it is not, actually, perfect but rather a series of ledges and shish kabobs, the surfer best navigating, truly, an artist and hero.
Well, yesterday’s running was not perfect. Wonky windswept waves chewed the best of intentions, but it was enjoyable enough, almost, especially when Kelly Slater took to the water.
The 11x World Surfing Shortboard Champion is no stranger to Cloudbreak, having won there 4x, but he did look out of sorts in his opening round heat, becoming very trounced by both Barron Mamiya and Griffin Colapinto. Not out of sorts, to be fair, but rather looked his age.
56.
Slater was pushed into the elimination round, coming up against Yago Dora, and from the opening bell the aforementioned Lovett waxed nostalgic. About how this is the last time we’ll probably see Slater in a singlet in Fiji etc. etc. Slater referenced, as well, in his post heat interview, maybe choking back tears. But in the water, during the heat, a seam opened and the surf fan was allowed an unfiltered peek into the very mind of the 54-year-old surf great.
Namely, when he slapped the water in disgust at the end.
Slater was clearly and obviously out-surfed by the stylish Dora and would have been out-surfed in any conditions. The new crop, 1/3 Kelly’s age, are fitter, stronger, faster. There is zero hope for him and yet he doesn’t perceive. Spotless mind holding that he was the greatest, is the greatest, will forever be the greatest. This final, likely, full year on tour has not been a simple victory lap for the Floridian. He thinks he can win and, here we are, pushing him out for being too old. And so he’s leaving but he does not appear to be happy about it.
Should we feel bad?
You probably should, if I’m honest.
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Of course you should feel bad about pushing old and slow people out – that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
It’s pretty suss having overlapping heats in the knock-out round in bumpy windy cloudbreak.
“He thinks he can win and, here we are, pushing him out for being too old. And so he’s leaving but he does not appear to be happy about it.“
Sounds like Biden.
At least Kelly knows where he is…
You sure?
Absolutely NOT. But surely he is more lucid than Biden…ok, maybe not.
Love how Kelly’s age changes from article to article and sometimes mid-article!
If Kelly and the folks in the UAE do take over as the new regime they should bust open the kitty and replace Flick with Snoop Dogg and let Nardwaur do the interviews. The Brazilians especially would appreciate his style of interview https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
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Just when you thought it couldn’t get any sadder.
What, Kelly or Chas’s articles about him?
Both!
I thought so. Just when you think neither could get any worse, each finds new depths to plumb.
Kelly is neither 56 nor 54.
He’s 56 and vain as http://fuck.an d he’s 54
“shit I have to raise a child” – Ke11y