Jack specialises in taming wild beasts. Yup, no wild beasts in San Clemente.
One of my favorite men on this planet is in contention for some Fantasy Surfing reward. A fleet of Panda surfboards and seven thousand dollars cash courtesy of the Surfival League.
He asks for a lot of advice and never takes any. Why should I respond when he asks me who I think’ll win Finals Day? But I love this dude. It’s like we don’t speak the same English, but it doesn’t matter.
WSL finals will be hosted in small Lowers. Put it on paper and it’s tough to read.
Here’s the breakdown of what I told him.
Ethan Ewing
Requires too much lateral space to deploy his strength. Ethan is the master at running an entire rail line through a turn, which won’t be on offer according to Surflie. Fins slips aside, Ethan has no tool bag for this job.
God I hate those fin slips. Ross painted his career into a corner with that shit. Jack captured it. Ethan basically slides to a stop with that turn. Just fucking slam the bush creatively and set up the next hit!
Zero Chance
Jack Robinson
Requires grunt to turn on his special skill. He can slow down and manage chaos better than anyone not named Medina. Or Florence. By the way, that’s the elite class. Possessing a full bag of tricks, but
specializing in taming wild beasts.
Yup, no wild beasts in San Clemente.
Benign as is the word’s definition. Just make sure you pay for parking. The meter maid is a beast.
Zero Chance
Griffin Colapinto
I love the hippy dippy approach. But something always gets in his way, which is hippy dippy.
I hate the 2% tag… even though I’m not sure what it means.
Love the way Kolohe squirms in his chair as a “Cole” wins a CT contest. He should have protested that loss to Italo at Duranbah and stayed in Austraila, that was his downfall. Spilled milk I realize, but worth noting.
San Clemente was such a rad town. Real surfers. Everyone was on the plus side of competent. No hubris.
Of course it’s changed, but the fathers in San Clementine grew up with that aesthetic. Working man rippers. Solid as their handshake were.
Small waves on forecast and Griffin is the only one who can stand sentry to the WSL title, but I would not bet on it. Advantage to a hunger Griffin has never felt.
Punchers shot.
Yes, John Florence
Wear gold if you may, but vanity is no match for futility.
Like Jack and better, his gift is in his mastery of Grunt and small Mushles won’t inspire that gift.
Sure, you’ll see polished rail work and monotonous safe turning because you can’t push the envelop as a bigger, regular foot.
You’re cooked.
Proportion is not in John’s favor.
The shame is the WSL and fucking Turpel who will talk it up like this is an historical event. The only advantage John holds is he doesn’t have to endure heats until the final.
Was going to type “puncher’s shot”.
It’s a shame to the league that your best surfer’s entire season ends up with futility.
Italo Ferreria
The only goofy foot in this contest draw. He has a heel edge advantage in small transitions. Will catch a dozen waves, active as fuck. BAG O’ TRICKS, ready to deploy.
Gains momentum through heats. He has been on a roll the last third of the season. He’s a short radius master who can force his rail to pivot in small mush.
Goofyfoots of the world genuflect. He’s a runaway freight train, stay out of his way.
He’s going to steal this like Donald could only dream.
Winner.
There you go Fantasy geeks. Full prediction, bet accordingly.
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No one below world #3 should even have the slightest mathematical chance of taking down the most dominant surfer of the tour this year, but I can totally see Italo winning 5 heats in poor-fair 4-5 ft Trestles on “finals” day. All so WSL can claim it has an exciting “post-season”. Nobody cares. WSL stinks.
Wouldn’t give jack no chance, kid grew up surfing either half foot trigg point (look it up makes trestles look like Nazare) or as you said wild ass beasts. He won Brazil in small crap surf. As another dude said italos air game is broke and judges are over it, same damn shit every time. I’d say the only one with not much of a chance is Ethan, but that’s the beauty of surfing the ocean, no guarantees the favs will get the waves they need!
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Awesome story. Love to hear your thoughts om the women too.
Eric Logan wouldn’t know a good surfer if his life depended on it.
Oxygen thief not a surf critic!
I like Italo. He does the gnarliest shit in the most unpretentious way.
I can’t paddle against this current. Anger comes out it weird ways. I didn’t sart the fire or workin a Wuhan lab.
What I need BG degenerates, is a pretty (not necessarily hot) 30 year old woman that wants a career that is good at communicating and social media. Send Resumes to me. Equity share
Griff winning this. Home run coming. No question. Ready armed fire. Not missing this time 🏆
Yep. the judges will make sure of it and snow will once again be stuck to red noses in San Clemente.
You had it tough this summer!
Hip Hip Hooray!
I’m rooting for John……..and, also, I hope he wins!
See you at the Nimbin Mardi Grass!
Nimbin used to be a trippy place
Will JMD back door flunk Palmeater and make a fist off it , all will be revealed at the finals after party.
My money is on JJF, so you’re probably correct in writing him off.
or will Jack be able to ride one of Pip’s specialist designed small wave dark arts design made for small trestles…….??
Will Marcio let jack loose or lose?
How can i take anything this guy says seriously?
Pauly Fat Whores Drawers ?
Oh Fuck.
Too funny. LOLOLOL
Perfect sum up Hippy, thx for putting it out there. Judging all over the map this year, hope it doesn’t infect these finals.
Kelly’s Abu Dhabi clip the day after is going to be all time
Sick write-up Hip but judges have already pronounced Italo’s air game dead and buried over the prior appearances .
He’ll do 50 identical spazz backhand turns on a single wave and get no more than a 6.
Griff takes the bag.
Book it.
he will slip on a banana, nope
Italo is gunna stomp