Savage. Just savage.
Folk around the world know that our surfing was birthed in Hawaii (with a small contingent holding Peru as true mother), but that has not stopped California from stamping this sport of queens as its own. If the bi-curious had never read Matt Warshaw’s epic History of Surfing or the award-nominated Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell, she would likely think that wave sliding originated in Malibu before making its way south to Huntington Beach.
Well, the Aloha State is exacting revenge ahead of the World Surf League Finals Day, which will be conducted in knee to chest high dribblers at Lower Trestles.
Hawaii’s oldest newspaper, the Honolulu Star-Advertiser blasted out a headline, this morning, declaring, “California looks to crown first world surf champion since 1990” beginning the article thusly:
California has a great chance to crown a first homegrown world surfing champion in more than 30 years when Griffin Colapinto and Caitlin Simmers take part in the World Surf League (WSL) finals near San Clemente over the next couple of weeks.
An absolutely merciless troll.
First, highlighting California’s Big Nothing for more than 30 years. Second, dangling almost impossible odds. The rare World Surf League follower knows full well that John John Florence or Italo Ferreira will whoop San Clemente’s Griffin Colapinto, as already revealed by Hippy. She also knows that, whilst Oceanside’s Caitlin Simmers is in the number one slot, there is no chance she will be able to overcome the “overscored, metronomic” flow of Florida’s Caroline Marks. California’s 34 year surf champion desiccation will stretch out to 35 with Hawaiians chuckling across the Pacific.
An utterly brutal takedown.
The Star-Advertiser piled on by quoting Mitchell Salazar, the World Surf League broadcaster who recently landed below the Bonsoy Brew Break and Greenwashing on the Surf Broadcaster Power Rankings, saying, ” “Caty has a chance, obviously, and from right there, 30 minutes away in Oceanside, it would be huge. It would be even bigger if both Californians win – if Griffin wins and Caitlin wins, it’s really symbolic, and especially knowing that this is the last finals here for at least the moment because it’s going to be in Fiji next year, it would be massive.”
Turning to Mitch Salazar for the call?
Savage.
Just savage.
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so if caity and griff both lose, does that mean it sucks for californians ?
If the Lincoln Feast of Reuters and Hawaiian newspapers want to troll about where the U.S. world champions come from, they should be consistent and only count “pure” Hawaiians like Sunny Garcia (2000) or Derek Ho (1993), but that would mean it’s been a couple decades for the birthplace of surfing too. Sounds like he’s more than happy to claim haoles like Andy Irons and JJF though…
It isn’t his fault. It is California’s public schools.
It would be head high and crappy conditions, but Kelly/CJ/Damo or any other number of names would be out surfing all day, and killing it. CA surfers have it too easy. No grit.
Friday morning, 3.8-4.2 feet @14-16 seconds @ 185-215° at the closest buoy, sets running overhead every 10-15 minutes. WSL and surfline will make the correct call based on wind forecast, maybe run Saturday.
Either way the beachgritters will still be all beachgritty about everything and be squawking about whatever while never admitting to being wrong.
THAT forecast is always accurate.
-Suq Madiq
hopefully the snapper are taking the bait the weekend as easily as you do surfline man vzzzzzz
A quick check of the surf forecast for cloudbreak covering the same time frame as the lowers finals , shows its going to be actually pretty to quite fucked out at Cloudy , the surfers will get way more opportunities out at lowers , next year I’ll be like arms folded told ya so dudes.
That is amazing investigative journalism.
Pulitzer.
the “knee to chest high dribblers” are looking like 4ft@15sec from ~200 degrees on CDIP buoy 045 Friday which to me sounds like the authors are clueless kooks and Friday is gonna be absolutely classic lowers, more consistent than the 20-22 second swells, and possibly offshore winds.
Any wind conditions that make turns look better than airs are more than welcome for the finals, even if it’s 95 degrees.
mark my words.
The glass is 80% full but maybe “the glass is 20% empty” articles sell more ads and feel more like home for the home crowd.
caity and griff better bring it home!
I hope you’re right. I hope Surfline is being conservative in their forecasting.
In any case, it boggles the mind that they would decide a world title within a swell window that may or may not produce one day of quality surf out of a nine day waiting period.
That’s part of the logic of holding the most critical comps of the year in Hawai’i in December. Sure Pipe is a way more exciting and meaningful venue than Lowers for 95% of surf fans, but it’s also just incredibly likely to have at least a few good days of waves within a waiting period because of how consistent that swell window is at that time of year. Even if you’re one of the few who love the ‘high-performance’ surfing that gets done at Trestles better than the heroics of Pipe, you can’t deny how dicey it is to rely on Lowers to produce classic conditions compared to other options.
This is basic shit and the world titles decided at Trestles will always have a big * next to them as a result.
It’s like throwing the bird to logic and holding the Super Bowl at Lambeau field in Green Bay Wisconsin because it’s a historic venue while ignoring that it’ll most likely be a snow riddled shitscape.
Erik Logan gave us this bullshit. It’s being fixed. Just using the available information to make the most accurate prediction possible, which is way more bullish than “waist high derpaderp”
there are models refined from decades of data which accurately predict these things. I can absolutely promise you the closest CDIP buoy will hit 3.5-4 feet on Friday and hold there for a couple of days. To people who can read data, that means overhead sets. I assume the Friday call is due to wind conditions because the buoys show the energy holding for a little longer than the spot forecast on surfline.
I expect dead silence from the “waist high max omg the finals sucks, I hate my life so I talk non-stop about things I hate, like the WSL finals” people when the sets are well overhead at the peak on Friday, but you already know I’m gonna be there to rub all those overhead highlights in their bitter little faces.
Surfline’s own forecast for Lowers on Friday says 3-4 ft waist to shoulder high. Deciding a world title. Have a wank
dumb fuck there is a pretty important “+” after those numbers which you magically forgot, plus the competitors are not mandated to go on the smallest waves of the day, believe it or not.
and it doesn’t say “waist to shoulder high” so fuck off with the lies and get ready to pretend you weren’t wrong in a couple days.
this place is like a bunch of donkeys were told they’re racehorses and now they’re in the racehorse stables thinking they’re hot shit.
the race is in 2 days, we’re gonna see you’re donkeys but I have a feeling you’ll be a little quieter then 🤔
I’ll probably go surf instead but have fun wanking wanker. Triggered Surfline Guy
Interesting share house you got. Surprised surfline man is the dumbest cunt in your house.
yeah I dunno what you bitches have grudges against but I’ll be “surfline man” and “Pauly shore’s butt whole” and whoever else hurt your feelings over the last 20 years here. I reality I’ve been here for a few months but you guys are pretty great at quickly revealing all your psychological issues.
is it possible that more than one person in history has noticed that some of you dumb cunts are in fact dumb cunts?
if that’s too hard for you to comprehend then yes, I am surfline man and Pauly shore and Barack Obama and everyone else who has ever hurt you! I’m even your daddy!
Florida men and women, on the other hand, have been bringing the titles home by the dozen!
Let us look back through the hourglass of time. The “Star Bulletin-Advertiser” is not the oldest paper in Hawaii:
On July 1, 1912, the Evening Bulletin merged with the Hawaiian Star to form the Honolulu Star-Bulletin. American businessman Joseph B. Atherton had established the Hawaiian Star in Honolulu as the official voice of the Provisional Government following the overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy in 1893. Needless to say that, with the “Star” in its title symbolizing the American flag and firm editorials warning Hawaiians against bringing back any form of monarchy, the Hawaiian Star was consistently pro-American and pro-annexation.
In 2010, Honolulu Star-Bulletin owner David Black of O‘ahu Publications purchased the rival Honolulu Advertiser from Gannett Company and announced plans to merge the two papers; the new paper is called the Honolulu Star-Advertiser.
I only know of this, because as wee lad, I delivered the Honolulu Advertiser on my morning paper routes and the Star Bulletin on my after-school routes.
Class dismissed.
Ok.
woke up to this nutty story. Homeowner dispatches mass shooter and gets arrested for murder.
thoughts?
https://www.civilbeat.org/2024/09/man-who-killed-shooter-in-waianae-acted-in-self-defense-lawyer-says/
wow , over 500K in unpaid fines…….now there’s a story!
yep. State of Liberal Chaos.
Hawaii is not a “stand-your-ground state.” Stand-your-ground laws allow people to defend themselves with lethal force without first trying to escape or retreat from the threatening situation.
Run Away, Run Away
Crime is really bad here, but you’ll see ten cops standing around or sitting in their cars texting at all the road work sites here (every major thoroughfare on Oahu is under construction/roadwork), and hiding behind bushes with their radar guns busting people driving 35 in a 25mph zone.
Fucked up priorities here and a lot of very frustrated and drugged out people in Hawai due to the high cost of living, outrageous housing costs, and burdensome government regulations. One of the toughest places on the planet to do business.
And they just release criminals back onto the streets, if they even arrest them at all.
You would not believe how fucked the North Shore and West Side are with “the walking dead”.
But then, it seems the entirety of the U.S. is in Chaos.
Tragic.
Sad state of affairs
Knee to chest high and dull. In the Mens division JJF will look out of place in it. Griff will go Ayahuasca mode, space out and get bounced. One of the Brazilians will advance to the final where the lone Australian will twerk his way to the title. Would be cool to see Simmers win it. All those hours surfing piss poor Oside have groomed her for this dull day of competitive surfing.
Friday is abso-fucking-lutely going to have overhead sets, what is wrong with beachgritters and the sandy vaginas?
What are you like 5’4″?
Good guess, that is the average height of the beach grit “male” but no.
Dude that photo is circa 1986. Look at the clothes and he’s got Op stickers on his board.
I’d argue circa 90 includes 86.
1983, the year he beat Buran.
One walk out over the cobbles, can change one’s outcome….
Caity needs to do it now, next year Canada gets their first ever champ.
She will have to get past Sally Fitzgibbons first!
Not when you introduce the “homegrown” word they are using. At that point Texas/Maui get their first champ.
Her first wave was at the breakwall. Can see why she started surfing. That was my first tropical wave also.
Great memories of the Breakwall. Glassy and very warm long lefts.
Surf all morning then a cold beer and lunch st Kimo’s.
Much different experience than cold murky OB.
OB is such a fucking sketchy joint. Big, cold and murky. 45min paddle out, or more. Anyone regularly surfing the joint when it’s 12-15ft++ are madmen.
Bong hits and a couple of mikeys big mouths at 8am along with a wet sandy wetsuit from the day before. Yew!
So, like me, you started surfing at age 9yo?
Is it bad that when I see the name Caroline or Marks my mind instantly goes to visualizing her one backside hack? Come on Caity…bring her home.
No Walter, you’re breaking bad.
Caroline is holding up progressive surfing with her safety turns.
Kanoa in swimsuit.