Savage. Just savage.
Folk around the world know that our surfing was birthed in Hawaii (with a small contingent holding Peru as true mother), but that has not stopped California from stamping this sport of queens as its own. If the bi-curious had never read Matt Warshaw’s epic History of Surfing or the award-nominated Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell, she would likely think that wave sliding originated in Malibu before making its way south to Huntington Beach.
Well, the Aloha State is exacting revenge ahead of the World Surf League Finals Day, which will be conducted in knee to chest high dribblers at Lower Trestles.
Hawaii’s oldest newspaper, the Honolulu Star-Advertiser blasted out a headline, this morning, declaring, “California looks to crown first world surf champion since 1990” beginning the article thusly:
California has a great chance to crown a first homegrown world surfing champion in more than 30 years when Griffin Colapinto and Caitlin Simmers take part in the World Surf League (WSL) finals near San Clemente over the next couple of weeks.
An absolutely merciless troll.
First, highlighting California’s Big Nothing for more than 30 years. Second, dangling almost impossible odds. The rare World Surf League follower knows full well that John John Florence or Italo Ferreira will whoop San Clemente’s Griffin Colapinto, as already revealed by Hippy. She also knows that, whilst Oceanside’s Caitlin Simmers is in the number one slot, there is no chance she will be able to overcome the “overscored, metronomic” flow of Florida’s Caroline Marks. California’s 34 year surf champion desiccation will stretch out to 35 with Hawaiians chuckling across the Pacific.
An utterly brutal takedown.
The Star-Advertiser piled on by quoting Mitchell Salazar, the World Surf League broadcaster who recently landed below the Bonsoy Brew Break and Greenwashing on the Surf Broadcaster Power Rankings, saying, ” “Caty has a chance, obviously, and from right there, 30 minutes away in Oceanside, it would be huge. It would be even bigger if both Californians win – if Griffin wins and Caitlin wins, it’s really symbolic, and especially knowing that this is the last finals here for at least the moment because it’s going to be in Fiji next year, it would be massive.”
Turning to Mitch Salazar for the call?
Savage.
Just savage.