Felicity Palmateer, twisted ovary after rough sex.
Felicity Palmateer tells surf fans she all busted up after hard sexing.

Top female surfer rushed to hospital after ovary twisted during “rough sex”

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

“Put your finger down if you got jackhammered so hard your ovary got twisted and now you’re in ER about to undergo surgery."

The noted big-wave surfer, Eddie Invitee, Jaws shredder, and WSL commentator Felicity Palmateer has amassed over 10 million views, 9500 comments and 56,000 shares on a TikTok post where she tells surf fans she’s in hozzy ‘cause she got all busted up during rough sex.

“Put your finger down if you got jackhammered so hard your ovary got twisted and now you’re in the emergency room about to undergo surgery to save your ovary,” said the thirty-two-year-old Western Australian.

@flickpalmateerMorphine makes you say some funny things…♬ original sound – Flick Palmateer

Among the thousands of comments were harrowing tales of other gals who got dicked so hard they were busted up in the guts.

“Had an ovarian cyst I never knew I had burst due to jackhammering That hurt so much couldn’t walk, almost passed out and almost threw up, ended up in the ER been told I may be prone to cysts Second time bro done sent me to the ER anyone else?

“I actually have! Thanks god it flipped back on its own before the surgery! Ovarian torsion is painful after!!!!”

“!0000% was I have never seen a man so embarrassed and proud at the same time ”

“I had a cyst rupture the same way and lord almighty I thought I was dying, I couldn’t imagine a twisted ovary!!! Hope you’ll heal up okay!”

“I had a cyst rupture doing that needed emergency surgery because it was a hemorrhagic cyst and I was bleeding internally.”

Other comments expressed a jealousy they ain’t got a real man in their lives.

“What’s his name?”

“That guy out there with power tools and I’m working with an IKEA allen wrench.”

“He’s gonna tell this story forever.”

“Does he have a brother?”

“Some people living our dreams ”

For size queens, the story has a queer end. Turns out ol Flick didn’t get hurt by D but is  high on morphine after some other unspecified procedure.

“At least you’re getting some ” wrote one fan.

Flick replied,

“Haha I wish! I’m high as a kite on morphine.”

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Pro George Floyd surfer Tyler Wright
Tyler Wright doin' the knee for ol' junkie George Floyd and showing support for Palestinian cause, inset.

Surf champ Tyler Wright shows solidarity for Palestinian cause despite ongoing fear she’ll be executed under Islamic law

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

Better death to Israel than gay rights!

Only six days ago, the World Surf League was under siege for adding a surfing event to the 2025 world tour at a man-made wave park in Abu Dhabi, where Sharia law is incorporated into the legal system. 

Mikey Wright, the older brother of two-time world champ Tyler Wright launched a salvo across the WSL’s bow writing: 

“You have no business putting on an event at a location where my sister can be sentenced by law with the death penalty. So much for equality and equal rights, only when it’s convenient to wsl. You have supported the LGBTQ flag on her shoulder but now you want to strip it and be hush hush to get her to a location that she’s at risk ofd this punishment. You have the responsibility to protect your athletes, interested to see how you think you can protect her against the law.” 

The criticism was unfounded, however, for despite the joint being ruled by Sharia Law, there are no documented cases of executions in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) specifically for the crime of homosexuality.

As I pointed out at the time, it ain’t so pretty in Gaza where homosexuality is illegal and the extra-judicial killings of gays is quite a thing. 

In the West Bank the safety for gay individuals is precarious, to say the least. If you need proof, examine the gruesome murder of Ahmad Abu Murkhiyeh, who was living in Israel due to fears of persecution for his sexual orientation. The 25-year-old Palestinian man was found beheaded in Hebron, a city in the West Bank, in October 2022. Footage of the murder was posted onto Palestinian social media. 

Vigils for Ahmad were held in Israel, the most progressive nation in the Middle East and home to one of the world’s great Pride parades; there were no vigils, no parades in Gaza or the West Bank. 

So it comes as some surprise, although it shouldn’t given earlier misguided advocacy posts that wilted under scrutiny, Black Lives Matter, Aboriginal Deaths in Custody etc, that Tyler has joined the anti-Israel pile on from naive westerners, which is happily encouraged by the Islamist fanatics.

Tyler Wright pro-Palestine
Tyler Wright ain’t no fan of Israel, the most progressive, the only progressive, nation in the Middle East.

Tell me: Naive and well-meaning posit or well-thought position that views the destruction of the little Jewish state as a bigger issue than the beheading of gays and, even, her own safety?

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Prince Harry surfing at Kelly Slater wave pool
Prince Harry, wastrel of a son or living life free as a bird?

Prince Harry slammed by Aussie press as a “self-indulgent wastrel” after surfing footage goes viral

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

After decades of being rigorously and systematically infantilized, I was now abruptly abandoned, and mocked for being immature?

A few days back, the secret surfing life of Prince Harry, the estranged son of Britain’s King Charles, was revealed in a post from Kelly Slater’s Lemoore wave pool by Tahitian surf god Raimana Van Bastolaer.

Raimana, dubbed “Human Viagra” by Cindy Crawford and lauded by, among others, Ivanka Trump and an “incredibly horny” Doja Cat, loosed video of the ginger-headed killer of a score of women-hating Taliban in Afghanistan, deftly hoisting himself to his feet before nimbly negotiating the famous OG pool wave.

A subsequent frame indicated Prince Harry even got himself inside the tube at some point, although there is no video of the event. 

Naturally, the footage went viral and it with has come some celebration, yes, but also criticism of the private jet flying, mansion owning climate change activist prince who quit royal life to live in Santa Babs in California alongside his media-chasing wife.

In his harrowing memoir Spare, Prince Harry laid out the horror of splitting from the Family. 

“I felt fatted for the slaughter. Suckled like a veal calf. I’d never asked to be financially dependent on Pa. I’d been forced into this surreal state, this unending Truman Show in which I almost never carried money, never owned a car, never carried a house key, never once ordered anything online, never received a single box from Amazon, almost never traveled on the Underground. (Once, at Eton, on a theater trip.) Sponge, the papers called me. But there’s a big difference between being a sponge and being prohibited from learning independence. After decades of being rigorously and systematically infantilized, I was now abruptly abandoned, and mocked for being immature? For not standing on my own two feet? The question of how to pay for a home and security kept Meg and me awake at nights. We could always spend some of my inheritance from Mummy, we said, but that felt like a last resort. We saw that money as belonging to Archie. And his sibling. It was then that we learned Meg was pregnant.”

Prayers etc, obvs.

The Australian conservative columnist Gray Connelly, whose barbs on Twitter are sharp enough to entertain both sides of the political chasm, saw the pool footage, compared it with King Charles’ tour of Australia and launched a salvo at Haz. 

“The contrast of King Charles interrupting his cancer treatment to perform royal duties on the other side of the world with his self-indulgent 40 year old wastrel son at a surf park is a very stark one …”

Comments are mostly in favour of the criticism although one wit wrote: 

“Do fuck off Gray, caught sucking the  monarchy cock again.”

Touché in this instance, yes?

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Little _______ Slater (pictured) trying to sort his personality while papa plays with his friends (insert).
Little _______ Slater (pictured) trying to sort his personality while papa plays with his friends (insert).

Kelly Slater’s young son forced to remain nameless as surf great continues his “best life tour!”

Chas Smith

By Chas Smith

"A little UT-Georgia pre-game golf with these beauties."

So there I was, last evening, alongside much of these great United States tuning into the SEC powerhouse matchup betwixt Texas, the number one team, and Georgia, number five. 102,000 passionate boosters filled Darrel K. Royal stadium, there in Austin, most in burnt orange. The announcers Rece Davis and Kirk Herbstreit describing the scene while the camera panned the sidelines.

“Many celebrities here,” Davis intoned as it rested on big Texas booster Matthew McConaughey. “And there’s the surf guy,” as it rested on one Kelly Slater.

“Look at that,” I thought to myself, before immediately considering the plight of his freshly-ish born son.

But you certainly recall when the 11x world surfing champion and his longtime girlfriend, Kalani Miller, announced that they had welcomed a bundle of joy into this earthly plane. Slater, 56 and a becoming a father for the second time, sat down with Barton Lynch soon after the happy event and shared, “We got a little boy and my friends think we’re playing a game with him, because we haven’t said the name. Because we actually, we don’t actually don’t call him anything. We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don’t have a name to call him. So, we’re kind of just, like, letting him figure out what his personality is.”

Well, ________ seems like he’s going to be ________ for the foreseeable future as Slater is truly on his “best life tour.” From Roman fancy watch boutiques to the green golf links of Scotland down to Austin, Texas and football and more golf with disgraced bicycle rider Lance Armstrong, the surf guy is making the rigorous schedule of the World Surf League Championship Tour look like a weekend getaway.

________ trying to “figure out what his personality is” all alone.

If the boy happens to be included in the aforementioned best life tour, Airline Status Slater might be a fine name. If he is not, Emotionally Scarred Slater could work.

Do you have any thoughts?

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Guilia Manfrini killed by swordfish.
She was a ski and snowboard instructor turned “surf travel expert”, lived in Bali although she was a qualified lawyer, was an ISA Level 2 Surf Coach and Surf Apnea Survival Instructor, carried a perpetual tan and was rarely photographed without revealing rows of snowy teeth.

Glamorous Italian surfer Giulia Manfrini dead after being impaled by swordfish in Indonesia

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

"I love sitting in the lineup with a few friends, listening to the sounds of the jungle, and waiting for waves I know will be perfect."

An Italian surfer, Guilia Manfrini, who sure did seem to be living her best life, as they say, is dead after being impaled by a swordfish’s long sharp bill while surfing in the Ments in western Sumatra.

Giulia Manfrini, who was thirty-six, was riding a wave near Pulau Masokut island, a jumping off point to some of the Mentawais’ best waves, when the swordfish jumped out of the water and hit her in the chest, its bill driving five cm into her heart.

Despite first aid efforts of two other surfers, Massimo Ferro and Alexandre Ribas, and being rushed to a nearby medical clinic the woman couldn’t be saved.

If you want to judge by her Instagram account, Turin-born Giulia had been having a helluva time the past few years.

She was a ski and snowboard instructor turned “surf travel expert”, lived in Bali although she was a qualified lawyer, was an ISA Level 2 Surf Coach and Surf Apnea Survival Instructor, carried a perpetual tan and was rarely photographed without revealing rows of snowy teeth.

In a 2019 interview, when she was asked about the best country she’d ever visited Manfrini said,

“Well, every place has left something in my heart. Surfing wise, I love the wilderness of North Sumatra–the rainforest there is so primordial and gorgeous! I love sitting in the line up with few friends, listening only to the sounds of the jungle, and waiting for a set which I already know will be perfect and will deliver some barrels.”

Her favourite wave, she said, was Nias.

“I love that wave so much, I could surf it every day for hours. It’s such a technical wave, but still pretty safe since it breaks in deep water. It works with every tide, size and (always light) winds! You can get barrelled, cutback, turn! So playful!”

Guilia’s last Instagram post was back in April when she wrote “Out of office. Back in two weeks.” Her account has been flooded with over 1000 messages of condolences.

As for death by swordfish, well, it happens.

Randy Llanes, a Hawaii fisherman, died in 2015 after being impaled by a swordfish he had speared. This event was noted for its rarity and the fact that Llanes had predicted he might die in the ocean or while fishing.

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Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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