Prince Harry surfing at Kelly Slater wave pool
Prince Harry, wastrel of a son or living life free as a bird?

Prince Harry slammed by Aussie press as a “self-indulgent wastrel” after surfing footage goes viral

After decades of being rigorously and systematically infantilized, I was now abruptly abandoned, and mocked for being immature?

A few days back, the secret surfing life of Prince Harry, the estranged son of Britain’s King Charles, was revealed in a post from Kelly Slater’s Lemoore wave pool by Tahitian surf god Raimana Van Bastolaer.

Raimana, dubbed “Human Viagra” by Cindy Crawford and lauded by, among others, Ivanka Trump and an “incredibly horny” Doja Cat, loosed video of the ginger-headed killer of a score of women-hating Taliban in Afghanistan, deftly hoisting himself to his feet before nimbly negotiating the famous OG pool wave.

A subsequent frame indicated Prince Harry even got himself inside the tube at some point, although there is no video of the event. 

Naturally, the footage went viral and it with has come some celebration, yes, but also criticism of the private jet flying, mansion owning climate change activist prince who quit royal life to live in Santa Babs in California alongside his media-chasing wife.

In his harrowing memoir Spare, Prince Harry laid out the horror of splitting from the Family. 

“I felt fatted for the slaughter. Suckled like a veal calf. I’d never asked to be financially dependent on Pa. I’d been forced into this surreal state, this unending Truman Show in which I almost never carried money, never owned a car, never carried a house key, never once ordered anything online, never received a single box from Amazon, almost never traveled on the Underground. (Once, at Eton, on a theater trip.) Sponge, the papers called me. But there’s a big difference between being a sponge and being prohibited from learning independence. After decades of being rigorously and systematically infantilized, I was now abruptly abandoned, and mocked for being immature? For not standing on my own two feet? The question of how to pay for a home and security kept Meg and me awake at nights. We could always spend some of my inheritance from Mummy, we said, but that felt like a last resort. We saw that money as belonging to Archie. And his sibling. It was then that we learned Meg was pregnant.”

Prayers etc, obvs.

The Australian conservative columnist Gray Connelly, whose barbs on Twitter are sharp enough to entertain both sides of the political chasm, saw the pool footage, compared it with King Charles’ tour of Australia and launched a salvo at Haz. 

“The contrast of King Charles interrupting his cancer treatment to perform royal duties on the other side of the world with his self-indulgent 40 year old wastrel son at a surf park is a very stark one …”

Comments are mostly in favour of the criticism although one wit wrote: 

“Do fuck off Gray, caught sucking the  monarchy cock again.”

Touché in this instance, yes?

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Little _______ Slater (pictured) trying to sort his personality while papa plays with his friends (insert).
Little _______ Slater (pictured) trying to sort his personality while papa plays with his friends (insert).

Kelly Slater’s young son forced to remain nameless as surf great continues his “best life tour!”

"A little UT-Georgia pre-game golf with these beauties."

So there I was, last evening, alongside much of these great United States tuning into the SEC powerhouse matchup betwixt Texas, the number one team, and Georgia, number five. 102,000 passionate boosters filled Darrel K. Royal stadium, there in Austin, most in burnt orange. The announcers Rece Davis and Kirk Herbstreit describing the scene while the camera panned the sidelines.

“Many celebrities here,” Davis intoned as it rested on big Texas booster Matthew McConaughey. “And there’s the surf guy,” as it rested on one Kelly Slater.

“Look at that,” I thought to myself, before immediately considering the plight of his freshly-ish born son.

But you certainly recall when the 11x world surfing champion and his longtime girlfriend, Kalani Miller, announced that they had welcomed a bundle of joy into this earthly plane. Slater, 56 and a becoming a father for the second time, sat down with Barton Lynch soon after the happy event and shared, “We got a little boy and my friends think we’re playing a game with him, because we haven’t said the name. Because we actually, we don’t actually don’t call him anything. We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don’t have a name to call him. So, we’re kind of just, like, letting him figure out what his personality is.”

Well, ________ seems like he’s going to be ________ for the foreseeable future as Slater is truly on his “best life tour.” From Roman fancy watch boutiques to the green golf links of Scotland down to Austin, Texas and football and more golf with disgraced bicycle rider Lance Armstrong, the surf guy is making the rigorous schedule of the World Surf League Championship Tour look like a weekend getaway.

________ trying to “figure out what his personality is” all alone.

If the boy happens to be included in the aforementioned best life tour, Airline Status Slater might be a fine name. If he is not, Emotionally Scarred Slater could work.

Do you have any thoughts?

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Guilia Manfrini killed by swordfish.
She was a ski and snowboard instructor turned “surf travel expert”, lived in Bali although she was a qualified lawyer, was an ISA Level 2 Surf Coach and Surf Apnea Survival Instructor, carried a perpetual tan and was rarely photographed without revealing rows of snowy teeth.

Glamorous Italian surfer Giulia Manfrini dead after being impaled by swordfish in Indonesia

"I love sitting in the lineup with a few friends, listening to the sounds of the jungle, and waiting for waves I know will be perfect."

An Italian surfer, Guilia Manfrini, who sure did seem to be living her best life, as they say, is dead after being impaled by a swordfish’s long sharp bill while surfing in the Ments in western Sumatra.

Giulia Manfrini, who was thirty-six, was riding a wave near Pulau Masokut island, a jumping off point to some of the Mentawais’ best waves, when the swordfish jumped out of the water and hit her in the chest, its bill driving five cm into her heart.

Despite first aid efforts of two other surfers, Massimo Ferro and Alexandre Ribas, and being rushed to a nearby medical clinic the woman couldn’t be saved.

If you want to judge by her Instagram account, Turin-born Giulia had been having a helluva time the past few years.

She was a ski and snowboard instructor turned “surf travel expert”, lived in Bali although she was a qualified lawyer, was an ISA Level 2 Surf Coach and Surf Apnea Survival Instructor, carried a perpetual tan and was rarely photographed without revealing rows of snowy teeth.

In a 2019 interview, when she was asked about the best country she’d ever visited Manfrini said,

“Well, every place has left something in my heart. Surfing wise, I love the wilderness of North Sumatra–the rainforest there is so primordial and gorgeous! I love sitting in the line up with few friends, listening only to the sounds of the jungle, and waiting for a set which I already know will be perfect and will deliver some barrels.”

Her favourite wave, she said, was Nias.

“I love that wave so much, I could surf it every day for hours. It’s such a technical wave, but still pretty safe since it breaks in deep water. It works with every tide, size and (always light) winds! You can get barrelled, cutback, turn! So playful!”

Guilia’s last Instagram post was back in April when she wrote “Out of office. Back in two weeks.” Her account has been flooded with over 1000 messages of condolences.

As for death by swordfish, well, it happens.

Randy Llanes, a Hawaii fisherman, died in 2015 after being impaled by a swordfish he had speared. This event was noted for its rarity and the fact that Llanes had predicted he might die in the ocean or while fishing.

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Surfing culturally appropriated in most disturbing way yet

Trigger warning.

It is not secret that our favorite pastime, this grand Sport of Kings, becomes regularly co-opted and used to describe something not even remotely related to wave sliding. “Surfing the web,” for example, which involves sitting indoors and typing URLs into a computer browser or “crowd surfing” which involves people being passed around a room via other people’s hands.

There is couch surfing, channel surfing, particle surfing and stand-up paddleboard surfing, just to name but a very few, though the most disturbing appropriation has just dropped.

Surfing the wave of heat pumps.

Heat pump water heater aficionado Joe Wachunas writing for CleanTechnica, the “the world’s #1 source for cleantech news and analysis” dropped the pastiche as part of his heat pump water heater tour across America. Currently visiting US Water Heating Solutions in Arlington, Illinois, the pixie-like thirty-something declared:

US Water Heating Solutions sees the opportunity inherent in the heat pump market disruption that is upon us. Heat pumps are growing rapidly for both space heating (substantially out pacing gas furnaces over the last five years) and water heating (increasing sales by 35% in 2023 alone). When I visited their headquarters, CEO Jim Eggert told me how his company views heat pump water heaters as an “innovative, technologically advanced product line” and wants to “grab a surfboard, jump in and catch this (heat pump) wave.” They see heat pumps as the way of the future and are excited by the business opportunity of specializing in this equipment early.

Oh.

I suppose the coinage is Jim Eggert’s fault not Joe Wachunas’.

Sorry, Joe, for calling you pixie-like.

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Noel and Liam Gallagher.
Big brother Noel says “surfing is for idiots” and that if anyone even thinks about skateboarding riding, well, “skateboarding is for fucking little idiots. Skateboarders and surfers can go fuck themselves. Surfers, by their very definition, are arseholes."

Fears for billion-dollar Oasis comeback tour as surfing smashes detente between Noel and Liam Gallagher

“Surfing is for idiots and surfers are arseholes," says Noel.

The brittle armistice between Manchester minstrels Liam and Noel Gallagher and with it Oasis’ billion-dollar comeback tour is in doubt after both men clashed over their respective love and hate of surfing.

Little brother Liam Gallagher, who is fifty, recently visited Ireland to go surfing with one bar keep subsequently reporting, “He had a full Irish with a Guinness head. He said he wanted to go out a do a spot of surfing but the conditions weren’t great so he came in for some breakfast.”

An earlier post had signalled Liam Gallagher’s love for the sport of kings.

“A new love and respect for surfers been watching some mad fuckers doing there thing and there ANIMALS as in HARDCORE LG x”

Big brother Noel, who is fifty-seven, disagrees and says “surfing is for idiots” and that if anyone even thinks about skateboarding riding, well, “skateboarding is for fucking little idiots. Skateboarders and surfers can go fuck themselves. Surfers, by their very definition, are arseholes.”

Noel then delivers his coup de grâce, “Australians.”

The infamous meltdowns between Liam and Noel Gallagher have become as legendary as the music of Oasis itself, marking a tumultuous journey through sibling rivalry, creative differences, and personal clashes that have defined much of their public persona.

One of the earliest meltdowns occurred during their gig at the Whiskey a Go Go in Los Angeles, when Liam threw a tantrum and hit Noel with a tambourine before storming off stage. This incident was a precursor to the ongoing friction that would eventually lead to the band’s disbandment.

Creative control was often at the heart of these disputes. Noel, the primary songwriter, felt undermined by Liam’s behavior, which he perceived as unprofessional. This was epitomized during the recording of “(What’s The Story) Morning Glory?” when Liam brought a crowd into the studio, interrupting Noel’s work, leading to physical confrontations.

The final straw that led to Oasis’s dissolution in 2009 was an altercation during a tour where Liam, hungover as hell, led to Noel’s exit from the band.

Sadly, both men are shit without the other.

In another post on X Liam wrote:

“(Noel) split the band up put lots of people out of jobs ruined many folks lives and he wants me to do the calling he is fucking DELUSIONAL he can call me though id love to hear from him it’s been to long.”

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