"She put her taut physique and long slender legs on display as she masterfully conquered the waves at the scenic hotspot."

You would not believe the amount of “surfing celebrity” content I am served daily. Pages upon pages of Ivanka Trump, Lady Gaga, Ashley Green and a host of British and Australian WAGs of whom I’ve never heard. And while most could maybe ignore this onslaught, it is my job to click.

And click I do, bracing for the inevitable image/video of aforementioned celebrity or WAG wake surfing, FlowRiding, being pushed into a Kelly Slater Surf Ranch by the one-and-only Raimana van Bastolaer, arms akimbo, smiles wide.

Decidedly not surfing, or at least the sort you and I are interested upon.

You can imagine my utter shock this morning, then, when I was fed the headline “Michael Clarke’s ex Jade Yarbrough strips down to a brown bikini and flaunts her flawless figure while showcasing her surfing skills” screaming from Daily Mail UK. I had absolutely zero idea who Michael Clarke or Jade Yarbrough were, though the source being Daily Mail UK assumed it was either footballer and WAG or reality television stars.

Boy, was I wrong-ish.

Michael Clarke happens to be a retired Australian cricket legend. Jade Yarbrough an Australian designer.

I winced as I clicked, ready to get smacked by wake surfing.

You can certainly understand my shock, then, when I witnessed Yarbrough sliding as naturally as any surfer I’ve ever seen down a right-running gem.

“Michael Clarke’s ex-girlfriend Jade Yarbrough has left fans in awe after showcasing her incredible bikini body and impressive surfing skills in a fun video posted to Instagram,” the Daily Mail piece began, continuing, “The clip captured the interior designer, 32, rocking her best angles in a racy two-piece bikini while riding the waves at a beach in Queensland. She put her taut physique and long slender legs on display as she masterfully conquered the waves at the scenic hotspot.”

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Masterfully conquered is right. Yarborough looks like a goofy-footed Andy Irons. Like a silky smooth Rob Machado and I am stunned that Michael Clarke let this talent go.

For shame.

Dimity Stoyle, it must be noted, agrees with me, commenting “ripping” on the fun video.

Dimity Stoyle right more than she’s wrong.

Surfing officially number one.

We did it! We really did it! Surfing, once a backwater or derelicts and crooks, now glittering, golden and beloved by the important voters of the World Sports Photography Awards. Huzzah, huzzah and one more huzzah, for you, but the biggest huzzah to Jerome Brouillet who captured the now-iconic moment and made us all respectable and grand.

Oh but of course you know the winning image, the viral sensation, Brazil’s Gabriel Medina kicking out of a Teahupo’o wave during this past summer’s Olympic Games, pointing one finger to the sky and declaring supremacy over all sports for all of 2024.

Beating Duke vs. North Carolina State, equestrians riding during sunset (or sunrise… I can’t tell), Green Bay’s Jordan Love stretching the football toward end zone pylon, golfer Bryson DeChambeau celebrating a winning putt, a race car, diver, ping pong player, ski jumper, rugby bros, boxer about to get punched in the eye…

…Beating all-comers.

You can examine all entries, here, and arrive at the same conclusion as the judges. Namely, that the surfing kick-out is unparalleled in both grace and beauty. That it is what separates us from the rest. That we should all be working on polishing our kick-out skills in order to impress babes at the beach.

But do you think that Medina’s countryman, and notable coward, Filipe Toledo is sad that he didn’t go viral for kicking out at Teahupo’o and, thus, never having to surf the scary place again? Mark already made?

I would be if I was he.

Huzzah, huzzah.

Back to the other World Sports Photography Awards nominees, though, which one is your actual favorite?

Me?

I’ve gotta go with the cycle fella being cheered on by French bakers even though I hate cycle fellas with a passion when I am driving on the streets at home.

Idiots.

A towering, glowering wave of consequence.

It’s the moment surfers have been waiting for ever since Kelly Slater unveiled his manmade wave up in Lemoore, California one decade ago. But doesn’t it seem like yesterday that the world’s most decorated professional surfer stood in the tule fog, laughing like a maniac as a perfect barrel stood up and reeled with the push of a button?

Like satanic sorcery.

We’ve come a long way since then. Pools with different technologies, creating different sorts of waves in Palm Springs, Melbourne, Waco, Sydney, Bristol, Tenerife and Abu Dhabi. The last very close to the petro-kingdom of Bahrain which just revealed the moment surfers have been waiting for ever since Kelly Slater unveiled his manmade wave up in Lemoore, California one decade ago.

A towering, glowering wave of consequence called the “Club Hawaii Experience.”

Per the press release:

Bahrain is set to debut the Bahrain Surf Park – Club Hawaii Experience, marking the first surf park in the MENA region to utilize Spain’s advanced ‘Wavegarden Cove’ technology. Slated for an early 2026 opening, the park will be situated on Bahrain’s scenic sunset coast in the island’s southwest.

Paying homage to Hawaii as the birthplace of surfing, Bahrain Surf Park aims to infuse Hawaiian culture and vibes into its attractions and facilities. Leveraging the innovative ‘Wavegarden Cove’ technology, known for its minimal energy consumption, the park will host up to 90 surfers simultaneously and generate 1,000 waves per hour.

The surf park will offer over 140,000 surf sessions annually through the Club Hawaii Surf Academy. This academy will provide comprehensive training programs for all skill levels, from beginners to seasoned professionals, with expert instructors guiding and mentoring surfers.

etc.

Very exciting, but it was the accompanying photograph that sent surfers into paroxysms of glee/fear. A well overhead right mimicking the iconic waves found on Oahu’s North Shore.

Now, finally, surfers will be able to experience club Hawaii without fear of slaps, accidentally dropping in on a local legend or hitting the reef. Might the notable cowardly world champion Filipe Toledo be able to book time in Bahrain and overcome his fear of plus-sized waves?

Might there be a whole new generation of Khaleeji surfers ready to wrangle Shipsterns, Cape Solander, The Right, etc.?

I’ve spent much time in the Middle East and, to be honest, have a hard time imagining the gulf borne and bred wanting to experience the terror of Club Hawaii.

Same with Pip Toledo, I suppose.

But for you?

Gulf Air tickets booked?

Com Turren?