Gotcha.

California’s annual drunk-driving awards were awash, last night, in typical glitz and glamor as various cities and towns gathered to see which among them would win the coveted crown. Bakersfield, Sacramento, Lemoore, Huntington Beach, Valencia, Fresno, Castroville and Fremont all hopeful beyond hope. The big dogs San Francisco, Los Angeles and San Diego quietly confident. But when the envelope was opened, a gasp filled the gilded Long Beach convention hall.

“This year’s drunk-driving capital of California is…”

“…”

“……”

“…..Laguna Beach!”

It was the 20th consecutive win for the seaside hamlet of 22,000.

While hard-partying surf brands Gotcha and More Core Division once called Laguna home, experts credit the wild string of drunk-driving with the amount of tourists who drunk-drive to the town throughout the year, numbering some 6.5 million.

City officials have, days ago, embarked on a mission of bringing local restaurants and bars into the spotlight. Now, when a person is stopped for DUI, or driving under the influence, police will send a letter to the business that served up his or her last drink, informing them of the time, place and blood-alcohol level.

Laguna Beach Police Chief Jeff Calvert declared, “It’s not intended to be punitive because the business owners don’t know what they don’t know. So it’s an opportunity for them to look at whether there’s a pattern with certain bartenders overserving or do some additional education with not only their bartenders, but their security staff.”

Mayor Alex Rounaghi added, “The data shows us this is a problem that we need to address and I think this is a really very innovative, collaborative and data-driven way of doing that. Any time that we can save a life and prevent future deaths it’s important for us to do that.”

Huntington Beach, it is reported, once considered publicly identifying drunk drivers on the city’s Facebook page.

Ivan Spiers, who owns restaurants Mozambique and Skyloft, opined that the letters don’t fix the problem of drunk drivers, saying, “It’s bureaucracy and a waste of money and time.”

Don’t drunk drive on New Year’s Eve and force Ivan Spiers to read about your blood-alcohol level.

Annoying.

Pier pressure to become a thing of the past?

Everyone knows, I think, that California’s coolest surfers generally congregate around the Golden State’s many piers. Bobbing below the fisherpeople in Pismo, shooting the pilings in Huntington, getting all rad in Ocean Beach etc. Pier Rats, as they are reverentially called, thrive off the high stakes of visibility. One thing to bog a top turn whilst out at a local beachbreak. Quite another thing to do whilst under the discerning eyes of tens, if not hundreds, of inland tourists.

Pier surfing is the creme and who could forget such incredible moments as Laird Hamilton navigating Malibu’s iconic pier back in ’14?

Or Kelly Slater slipping through Huntington’s back in ’11?

Well, bad news for everyone, I think, then, as experts have declared that California’s piers will soon all be demolished thanks to climate change. Just last week week we witnessed a hunk of Santa Cruz’s gorgeous wharf become ripped apart by big waves.

She but a harbinger.

Grinchy meteorologist Patrick Abbott told San Diego’s local NBC affiliate, “We are sticking something out into the largest ocean in the world, expecting it to stand up against huge waves.”

Spreading no Christmas cheer, he continued, “As the ocean comes up farther. (The) tree is pulling up ever saltier water into its system. We’re fighting, shall we say, a greater amount of energy in the ocean. That means we have to build stronger piers to stand up to them, and even those will last for a relatively short time.”

While some cities will attempt to shore up the structures, others are considering simply feeding them to climate change.

Drew Kiel, who enjoys visiting the Ocean Beach pier and showing it off to his Utah-based girlfriend shared, “I think it’s an important piece of California culture that we’re losing if we don’t rebuild it. I think it’s a cultural touchstone for people here. It’s awesome. People who come here to fish and get food for their families. It’s (also) awesome for the tourists.”

His mother added, “Especially if you’re not a surfer or swimmer, you’re stuck on shore … well, on the pier you can walk all the way out …you can see it up close and feel more of its energy.”

RIP.

Now please enjoy the Encyclopedia of Surfing entry on shooting piers before it’s too late.

"Is this the culture of surfing we’re aspiring to?"

We were, collectively, first introduced to Lucy Small over four years ago now. The heretofore little known longboarder burst onto our scene after winning the Curly Mal Jam, dubbed Australia’s premier one-day longboarding event, was handed the microphone and dropped a bomb.

“Hello… I finally won something,” she began, sun shimmering overhead. “Thank you so much for having us, super stoked to be here. I just wanted to point out, thank you so much to the sponsors for all the money for the event, but I would say it’s a bittersweet victory knowing that our surfing is worth less than half as much as the men’s prize money. It costs the same amount to fly here, accommodation costs the same, and our surfing is worth half as much so maybe we can think about that for next time.”

Overnight, the diminutive cross-stepper was a star and one worthy of the spotlight, clashing with testosterone-squirting Ian Cairns, holding dead and/or dying surf brands to account, bashing and smashing the “apex predator of the patriarchy” wherever and whenever he showed his pale face.

Now, you would imagine with such fame etc. that any longboard event anywhere in the world would be glad to have her but then you’d imagine wrong, which may just be why longboarding sucks.

Small recently applied for a slot in the prestigious Noosa Festival of Surfing but was told by its chairman, John Finlay, “Thank you for your interest in competing in the 2025 Noosa Festival of Surfing. We note that you are currently ineligible to enter any surfing competitions where Noosa Malibu Club is a stakeholder. Accordingly, we are unable to accept your entry. A full refund of your fees will be made as soon as practical.”

But why the draconian ban? As she explains:

Just pondering this and wondering what to do, where to go from here. What do you do when one of the biggest longboard events of the year prevents you from entering because you believe in universal equality? Is it keep pushing back and fighting knowing that all that is going to come your way is probably more of this? Is it just accept it?

In 2023 I found out at the Noosa Logger, an event run by Noosa Mal Club, was offering unequal prize money. I contacted Surfing Australia to ask them to look into it and they said that there had been a clear breach of rules, providing this comment to Kate at the Daily Telegraph. I facilitated people who were at the event to speak to Kate and provide her background information and some comment. My own comments were general in nature.

After the story came out it appeared that Noosa Logger had found a loophole by naming the division with more prize money an open division despite it being advertised on their website as “open men’s” and having 21 men in the division. There was one woman – the president of the club Glen Gower’s daughter. In 2024 Surfing Australia closed this loophole in the rule book following the incident.

I did not write the article, I did not make the comments that the club was being reprimanded, I did not have the power to retract the story, I don’t even have a podcast! Glen Gower, the president of the club made a complaint to Surfing Australia against me which was not upheld.

So here we are. Is this the culture of surfing we’re aspiring to? Is this the kind of event surfers and sponsors want to be part of? Is it just easier to ignore it because I am just one person and Noosa Festival is much bigger? I’m not sure, but I am definitely sad and hurt. I have competed at Noosa since 2011, missing only a few years in this time. I have great memories of the event and it’s awful that because someone doesn’t agree with me or like me, they would think stopping me from entering the event is the answer. I think people in the world of surfing who have never had their views challenged or questioned don’t like it when someone is forthright and defiant, but I don’t think those who are should be prevented from competing.

I think I shall boycott the Noosa Festival of Surfing this year and every year to come.

What sissies.