Gold Coast on knife edge as TC Alfred fun-seekers risk ire of citizen cop Joel Parkinson

"That fun comes at a cost."

It would be a foolhardy man who questioned the surfing bona fides of Coolangatta’s Joel Parkinson: the forty-three year old was the world champion in 2012 and a runner up to the crown four times, 2002, 2004, 2009, and 2011.

Parkinson was noted for his stylish approach to surfing waves big and small, a fan favourite it could be said, and for wearing a t-shirt after his world title win that read, “I Finally Fucking Won!” 

Since retirement, the daddy to three girls has earned a reputation as a Coolangatta local not to be messed with. 

You’ll remember two years ago when Parkinson was at the centre of a “wild Gold Coast pell-mell involving mud-sliding, tiktok, ageism and alleged hand-to-hand contact!” 

Chas Smith reported, 

Only those living under a rock will be unaware that, days ago, Parkinson approached a group of prepubescent twenty-five-year-olds enjoying a mud slide and told them to knock it off. They appeared to back-sass kicking off a wild pell-mell where it was alleged that the Billabong star knocked a camera into the muck. Then, yesterday, news footage came to light that appeared to color the 2012 Association of Professional Surfing tour winner in a hypocritical light as he, himself, had partaken in the mud sliding earlier.

Well, in the new angle, Parkinson’s frustration is on stark display, a raging bull snorting, pawing the ground, charging at various older youngsters. Was he angry that they were dropping into his secret spot? Frustrated by the clear lack of testosterone hanging in Coolangatta’s mist?

Gold Coast locals were divided on the melee, some siding with the Champ, others with the YouTubers. 

Now, fears Parkinson may, again, be forced to use the powers of citizen policing after cyclonic rains from TC Alfred  turned the usually grassy hill into a mudslide. Dozens of thrillseekers braved the weather for the ride of a lifetime.

The fun may not last long, howevs.

Australians, brought up under the colonial whip of their British jailers and yet to escape the master-servant relationship with authorities, rarely miss a moment to report any breaking of rule.

“That fun comes at a cost, unfortunately,” Gold Coast councillor Gail O’Neill told 7News in 2022. “It looks disgusting. It’s a muddy mess. It looks like it’s going to have to be re-turfed. That cost could come up anywhere near $10,000.”

Parkinson, who was dubbed “Koolie Karen” after the 2022 imbroglio, is yet to be spotted although town on knife-edge etc.

@hayley.tiahn Slip & slide anyone? #cyclone #cyclonealfred #queensland #goldcoast #queenslandcyclone #aussies #australia #australian #australians ♬ Men at work down under Luude Remix – Luude