Joel Parkinson (barreled) pictured angry at Snapper Rocks.
Joel Parkinson (barreled) pictured angry at Snapper Rocks.

Breaking: World Surf League abandons Australia’s famed Snapper Rocks as sixth tour stop in earth-shattering announcement

Chas Smith

By Chas Smith

"The decision follows significant cyclone-related impacts to the Snapper Rocks sandbank and beach..."

Whilst you may be busy either counting money gained or ruing money not gained in latest stock market spike, major surf news has just dropped. Currently in the midst of an El Salvador event that is threatening to run forever, the World Surf League just announced that it is dropping Snapper Rocks, post Bells, as its sixth stop.

Per the scintillating press release:

The decision follows significant cyclone-related impacts to the Snapper Rocks sandbank and beach, which has made the location currently unsuitable for the CT. Extensive assessments and engagements have confirmed that the bank is extremely unlikely to recover in time for the event window from May 3 – 13, 2025.

The stretch of sand from Snapper Rocks to the Kirra groyne—known as the “Super Bank”—is famed for producing long, flawless waves. However, after crossing the Gold Coast coastline in early March, ex-Tropical Cyclone Alfred has left a deep trough where the famed waves typically break, leaving the iconic super bank and beach without the sand needed to host the upcoming CT event. While the Tweed Sand Bypass System usually helps restore the sandbanks at Snapper much quicker than other beaches, widespread erosion along the Tweed Coast has limited the sand available for replenishment. As a result, while the sand may return in the coming months, it is extremely unlikely to recover in time for the upcoming CT event.

Where will our heroes and heroines be heading instead?

“While we are, of course, disappointed Snapper Rocks won’t be hosting the highly anticipated return of the Championship Tour this May, we know Burleigh is a world-class point break that will challenge the globe’s very best surfers,” Experience Gold Coast CEO John Warn said. “For surfing fans, the relocation of the Gold Coast Pro to Burleigh provides a unique and very special opportunity to watch the world’s leading surfers do battle at one of the world’s most iconic surfing destinations steeped in history. There is no doubt our famous Super Bank at Snapper will return better than ever, planning for this in 2026 is underway, and we look forward to seeing the Gold Coast Pro back to its rightful home for the 2026 event and beyond.”

Feint praise for Burleigh, if the text means anything.

Thoughts?

Prayers?

More as the story develops.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Kelly Slater (pictured) in trouble.
Kelly Slater (pictured) in trouble.

Surf star Kelly Slater eyes personal financial crisis as Trump’s tariffs take hold

Chas Smith

By Chas Smith

“I said to Kelly, you will not only be the best surfer in the world but the best surfboard-designer.”

What appeared as an international game of financial chicken has, in the last week, morphed into an economic head on collision. United States President Donald J. Trump, frustrated with a wonky global trade balance, enacted his campaign promise to penalize offending countries through steep, deep and not cheap tariffs. China and America going back and forth, slapping 30% then 80% then 110% levies on each other. The European Union throwing an additional 25% tax on incoming American goods. Vietnam trying desperately to cut a deal and Thailand bashed with a 36% spike on its exports.

Enter our hero Kelly Slater.

It can be easy to forget that the multi-hyphenate surf champion-doting-father-golfer-geologist is also majority owner of pop-out surfboard giant Firewire.

You will certainly recall the impressive piece Derek Rielly wrote on the evolution of Nev Hyman’s dream:

In the surfboard game, historically, you make x-amount for your part of the process. Glasser gets whatever, ghost shaper, whatever, all the way down the line. It works when there’s a dozen or so boards a week. When the process is streamlined, when the production line is jamming hundreds of boards a week it’s unsustainable.

Hence the company’s move to Thailand, where it owns two factories. Nev ain’t one to shirk the Asian origin of Firewire’s boards. The factories are spotless, he says, there’s no dangerous chemicals like acetone, catalysts etc, 60 per cent of the workers are gals (hello ladies!) and they’re all paid higher than average wages. Nev figures, what’s the difference between jobs created in Thailand and those created in Australia or the US? We’re global, yeah?

Oops.

Rielly continued:

But back to Kelly. Firewire approached Kelly midway through last year. Kelly happened to be on the market, too, looking for something to pour his formidable intellect (and wealth) into. He bit, he bought.

“I said to Kelly, you will not only be the best surfer in the world but the best surfboard-designer,” says Nev. “Combine that level of intelligence (Kelly has a law degree) with the tools we’re providing him and can you imagine where he’ll take it?”

Take it he did, a whopping 70% stake and life was grand as Slater was able to harness Thailand’s cheap labor market etc., bring his boards here and undercut domestic competition.

Masterful.

But what now? Firewires going to be much more expensive? Prohibitively so? Slater’s net worth going to tank right after become a father for the first second time?

David Lee Scales, you may or may not know, is something of an expert when it comes to surfboard blanks and we discuss in depth here.

If you just want more Filipe Toledo bashing, though, listen below.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Filipe Toledo, a regular target on shitposting sites.
Filipe Toledo, a regular target on shitposting sites.

Surfers divide sharply over disturbing increase in “shitpost” attacks on sport’s heroes

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

Low-effort, high-chaos content flung into the void. Like BeachGrit!

This glitzy little thing we call social media has been likened to a rock throwing contest, with contestants placed a few feet apart, everyone gets hurt, so many tears.

In surfing, however, media, including BeachGrit, has maintained a strict hands-off rule when it comes to criticising or having sport at the expense of the sport’s heroes, which include two-time small-wave champion Filipe Toledo and busted titty three-timer Gabriel Medina.

Now, a disturbing trend has emerged with so-called shitposting sites aiming both barrels at surfing’s biggest stars.

Shitposting is low-effort, high-chaos content flung into the void. Ain’t no polish or profundity; it’s about absurdity, humor, and provocation.

Shitposters thrive on the unexpected, churning out memes, one-liners, or bizarre edits. Equal parts entertainment and confusion.

The culture’s roots are anarchic, born from forums and group chats. It’s not trying to win debates or impress—it’s a mess, a celebration of the kooky and the stupid. Scroll long enough, and you’ll spot a shitpost masterpiece. What makes ’em hit? When there’s enough truth in there to give ’em teeth.

Over just twenty-three posts @qswarriors hits Caity Simmers (stoner!), equal pay in surfing, cuckoldry, Gabriel Medina’s TikTok performances and so on.

Meanwhile at @pipelinelocal_69, Filipe Toledo is a regular target, which infuriates the ever-lurking Brazilian surf fan. See below.

Question: has shitposting gone too far? And do you believe Filipe Toledo, this generation’s Lewis Hamilton, deserves a little credit for his mastery in waves two feet and under?

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by MR PIPELINE (@pipelinelocal_69)

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by MR PIPELINE (@pipelinelocal_69)

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by MR PIPELINE (@pipelinelocal_69)

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by MR PIPELINE (@pipelinelocal_69)

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Sam Brenchley (left) and the enraged British public.
Sam Brenchley (left) and the enraged British public.

British public enraged as surfer crowdfunds for new wetsuit after old one cut off to save life

Chas Smith

By Chas Smith

"It really is beggars belief that people are giving money to a self-centred human, me me me."

Our brothers and sisters across the pond are extremely cross, this morning, with one of their own. It might have begun as a normal day, one week or such ago, for Sam Brenchley as he zipped up his wetsuit, rubbed wax on his board and paddled out at Fistral Beach there in Newquay. Little did he know that he was hopping on a wild rollercoaster that would dump him into the very fury of his countryman.

As things happen, Brenchley became bonked on the head with his board and knocked right out or as he tells it, “On Monday I suffered a whack to the head from a surfboard and the impact caused me to black out. I was unconscious in the water for a few minutes until an off duty lifeguard managed to spot me and drag me to shore and proceeded to bring me back to life, the air ambulance did a great job in airlifting me to the hospital where I was well looked after, unfortunately my wetsuit was cut off me on the beach for safety reasons and now I longer have a wetsuit.”

He then proceeded to direct the sympathetic to a GoFundMe with the goal of raising £350 for a new wetsuit.

Rage followed.

One of the men who saved Brenchley’s life commented, “This is very disheartening to see. A donation to the air ambulance is more suitable than a wetsuit!”

Another chimed, “Was fully expecting this to be raising money for the air ambulance, not asking for strangers to donate towards buying you a new wetsuit.”

Still a third slammed, “It really is beggars belief that people are giving money to a self-centred human, me me me. How much did the air ambulance cost? I think you need a reality check.”

Things got so bad that poor Sam swapped the fundraiser to one for air ambulances, explaining, “I want to thank the air ambulance for there incredible service and to the people on the beach that found me and and saved my life, to say I’m full of gratitude right now is an understatement.”

I was unaware that the UK was same same as USA wherein individuals are forced to pay every dollar of exorbitant healthcare procedures on top of paying exorbitant taxes all while paying exorbitant insurance premiums and forced to beg friends and family.

Well, I guess, boo to Sam.

Give to the air ambulances here.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
John John Florence and family in New Zealand.
John John Florence and fam swim with friendly mammals in New Zealand.

Tour truant John John Florence steals show from disastrous El Salvador Grand Slam

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

“This is the real Dream Tour right here…it sure beats watching the WSL!”

The three-time world champ John John Florence, currently on tour with his little family, wife Lauren and bebe Darwin in New Zealand, has stolen the show from a world surf tour that has dwindled into an irrelevance not seen since its inception in 1976.

No John John Florence, no Gabriel Medina, no Carissa Moore, no Stephanie Gilmore, no firepower, no waves, no interest. In El Salvador, where little waves lap on a brown sand beach and where it’s so damn hot the pro surfers are forced to mask their odours with flowery perfumes as sweat pours down their faces like raindrops, the biggest story has been whether or not Chris Cote is back on the drink.

Anyway, no one’s watching, no one cares. Instead, surf fans have pivoted to John John Florence and fam, currently in New Zealand.

Four months after making it official that he wasn’t going to hit the tour in 2025, yeah he’d take a Pipe wildcard but that was it, John John split to go exploring in New Zealand, a decision made easy by the fact his forty-eight foot gunboat Vela had been sitting dockside there after listing it for sale almost two years ago for $1.3 million American dollars.

John John’s latest couple of posts has the Hawaiian-born multi-millionaire snorkelling with big friendly fish, dolphins, maybe, surfing a riotous sand bottom right-hander, carrying bebe Darwin around on his shoulders, eating cold sandwich meat and watermelon and, at day’s end, sipping Bourbon toddies on the deck of Vela.

A popular refrain in the comments is “This is the real Dream Tour right here” and “The real Dream Tour” and “What a dream life” and “This sure beats watching the WSL.”

Meanwhile, his little brothers, Prince Harry lookalike Nathan and daddy clone Ivan, are back on the road, this time in Chile, singing their own hymns and saying their own prayers.

There are no gloomy silences, no cantankerous Brazilians weeping about a half-a-point spread.

Just the Florences bursting into glory.

RIP WSL.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!