Jens Heller (pictured) with ice in his veins. Photo: Powerline Productions
Jens Heller (pictured) with ice in his veins. Photo: Powerline Productions

World’s coolest German scientist shrugs off mid-surf shark attack

"Well it hit me off the entirely off the board then I was in the water, looking back and I remember seeing the black eye and teeth..."

There’s cool and then their is Jens Heller cool. But let us quickly make our way to greater San Francisco and its colder, sharkier waters. Specifically let us go to Montara State Beach where we find the German scientist (I think) there on the sand fresh after a shark attack. But imagine it was you having just escaped from the jaws of great white death. How would you behave? Frantic? Wildly emotional? Stomach sick?

Or like Deutsch James Dean?

Powerlines Productions captured the moment, cameraman approaching Heller and his newly chewed board and asked him what happened.

“I was sitting on my board, actually, then I felt something under my foot kick me off the board. I looked back and saw this big mouth grabbing on to my board, it bit here and here you can see the mouth…”

Cameraman cutting in, “Dude, did it hit hard?”

Heller responding calmly, “Well it hit me off the entirely off the board then I was in the water, looking back and I remember seeing the black eye and teeth of the shark then I just tried to grab my board as fast as possible and come back in. There were two other guys out, close by, who also paddled back in. One of them said it was a 10-foot shark. His guess. I only saw the face so I can’t truly tell. And I was full of adrenaline.”

Cameraman wondering, “How do you feel now?”

Heller, smiling wryly, answering, “Now I’m good. Now I’m good. Once I was out of the water I felt better. It felt like I couldn’t paddle fast enough. Like, I’m in slow motion when I was trying to get away, thinking, ‘The shark will be so much faster than me, if he really wants to get me… he’ll definitely get there.”

Cameraman, reexamining the board, sharing, “A friend of ours that happened to. He says now every day is a blessing.

Heller, shrugs, “Yeah, I guess. It’s my lucky day, I guess.”

Wow.

Teutonic John Travolta.

Watch full clip here.

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Boat Docks
Boat Docks
1 year ago

Did they mention he paddled out while a dead whale carcass floated onto the beach? Must be a real rocket scientist.

channelbottom
channelbottom
1 year ago

Close call. They might’ve had to measure the shark in negative german legs.

deeks
deeks
1 year ago

Fuck I’ve got tits like that…time to get on the chainsaw…and maybe the meth

Tom
Tom
1 year ago
Reply to  deeks

that’s estrogen overload or you done too much roids and forgot to train

deeks
deeks
1 year ago
Reply to  Tom

Fuck so I’m a girl now . Fuck instagram !

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
1 year ago

damn that’s a hideous looking board. Glad old matey Jens lived to be efficiently matter of fact about it all.

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
1 year ago

He was just measuring his thigh….

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
1 year ago

Shark, to surfer: “you just paddled out? Caught any waves yet?”
German dad bod MAL: “Nine.”

justiceminister
justiceminister
1 year ago

Shark didn’t go full on when he saw the shape of this bloke. Nah, not worth the effort.

snapper
snapper
1 year ago

Happy go lucky….
“Everything is ok until it isn’t”
darrick doerner

Wave Wizard
Wave Wizard
1 year ago

Not even a shark would chews a 7S surfboard

Stick man
Stick man
1 year ago

Condolences to that shitty looking board.


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