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New Yorkers more dangerous than sharks.
New Yorkers more dangerous than sharks.

New Yorkers Pose 900% Greater Bite Risk Than Sharks, study finds

"The New York City Health Department’s data records about 1,500–1,600 human bites annually in NYC alone."

In one of the better studies released in recent times, and riffing on the ol you’re-more-likely-to-get-hit-by-lightning-than-a-shark is one that has compared the likelihood of New Yorkers being bitten by shark or human.

If you hadn’t guessed, it’s a culture wars play ‘cause New York in 2025, with its migrant hotels and drug zombies, ain’t the New York of the early two thousands. Remember back when Brooklyn was turning on, all the bad crooks were in the pen ‘cause of the previous mayor’s zero-tolerance policies and its aggressive pursuit of low-level crimes and his wild increase in cops of the street, major felonies down sixty-two percent etc?

Even your ol pal DR could stroll the avenues in the heat of a summer night in pretty little board shorts and singlet, Rolex on wrist (relax, stainless steel and non-valuable vintage), then in-vogue ear-to-ear sunglasses on 24/7, and not give two damns about getting mugged.

It wasn’t the seventies or the eighties. No Mean Streets here.

Now, according to a new study, well, a clever meme, although it has been vetted, it is now more likely for a New Yorker to be bitten by a human than a shark.

The International Shark Attack File, managed by the Florida Museum, reported 69 unprovoked shark bites globally in 2023, with only 4 occurring in New York waters—primarily off Long Island. With New York’s population at 19.6 million, this translates to a local probability of approximately 1 in 4.9 million per year.

These incidents, often linked to warming waters and increased seal populations, have drawn attention from groups like the Atlantic White Shark Conservancy, which tracks shark activity near beaches such as Montauk. Historically, the 1916 Jersey Shore attacks—five fatalities near New York—remain an outlier, with no comparable surge since.

Contrast this with human bites. The New York City Health Department’s data, spanning decades and updated through 2024, records about 1,500–1,600 human bites annually in NYC alone, where the population is 8.8 million. This yields a 1 in 5,500 annual risk citywide, rising to 1 in 12,300 statewide.

The disparity is stark: a New Yorker is nearly 900 times more likely to suffer a human bite than a shark’s jaws.

Have you bitten or been bitten?

I, former, no the latter.

Thoroughly enjoyable although in the midst of parlour games.

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35 Comments
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justiceminister

Get them fuckwits in the water and see who gets the percentages right.

Brutus

just caught up with an ol flame , who lives in NY….she bit me….after I asked her, so I could become a Stat….

pipspuss

Apparently the new stock of Kindergartners that Mrs. Puss drew is like New Yorkers. Already 4 kids biting each other, 2 drew blood. Only 2 weeks in.

munnstrosity

Law of the jungle

Magnum

Wait until trust-fund marxist Mamdani implements Soviet scarcity and the city goes full Donner Party.

Sit down to pee

The surf journalism equivalent of man bites dog. Things must be slow. Surely some aged surf star’s condo is up for sale.

uncool bob

someone is renting a garage to shape in somewhere

GiGi

all my bites in the NYC come with a safety word

deeks

Bite me Queens

Stick man

NYC what ya did there…

Gravy

Here’s the play: set the RSS to ping anytime the words surf, shark or trans are mentioned.

Copy the guts of the article. If not surf, allude to some vague far right flash point (this one was NYC is dangerous, with a bonus migrant hotels. Huzzah!).

Let people argue in the comments without moderation.

Lay your head at night content in the knowledge that you may not be making the world a better place, nor even informing the surfing community, but these banner ads may soon upgrade your pillow from feather to down.

Durban Poison

The downward slide and desperation is real, especially since the demise of the outsourced surf comp reviews.

ricmatic

yeah talk that shit about the free website you check everyday, thatll show em

Durban Poison

Everyday! Nah, depends entirely on the surf and fortunately most days it’s too good here to waste time on line. Regardless, my comment stands and hopefully the good stuff returns.

Happy Camper

…and not one mention of the word surf, surfing 0r surfer
True Grit

Dogsnuts

Had my ear nibbled randomly by a pretty lady last Wednesday morning whilst getting a wristy, it was a lovely combination and was far more enjoyable than the ensuing teethy head.
Xox

Snowbored

“Wristy” is one of my favorite words in the Australian Vocabulary.
I hope to use it in a sentence someday.

Dogsnuts

Go forth and sprinkle our lovely language around.
Xox

Snowbored

I once had an encounter with a lass from Alice Springs.
She told me she couldn’t have sex because it was on her period but she would “Swab” me. I had no idea what she meant. Until.

Dogsnuts

Quite often Aussie chicks will say, “just chuck it in me dumper”.
Xox

Snowbored

I can only dream. Gonna book a flight and hope.

The Bitchy Crab

And the hot breath and notes of tongue as strong hand grips. Peak living

Dogsnuts

What a time to be alive really. Good wristies are highly underrated, a very fine line between a strong delicate action and getting ones testicles hammered into the pelvis.
Xox

Ramathorn

Snapped banjo string ain’t no picnic either

Dogsnuts

A “Deliverance” of twang! Still have mine but robbed of foreskin!
Xox

Brutus

Broebert!!

Abscessed Llama

Sounds like she was in full control..

Dogsnuts

Invited herself into my bed on a Wednesday morning whilst on her period and just servicing me. What a strange occurrence!
Xox

Gil Gunderson

Pay extra for nibble?

Dogsnuts

Not paying in this economy!
Xox

Gil Gunderson

Kidnapping is free!

7dollarsurfboard

No bumhole fingering? Ask for a refund

Dogsnuts

No. A wholesome experience somewhat!
Xox

@surfads

To be comparable this would require all 20 million New Yorkers to be regularly swimming in the waters of Long Island.

I’m no scientist, but it’s fair to say memes found on Twitter / X probably aren’t that reputable.

But hey, free speech and that right

channelbottom

HERE COMES THE CHEW CHEW TRAIN!!!
OPEN UP!!!
(holds spoonful of peas near mouth)


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