Surf fight
Lame surf fight, main photo, and, inset, surfing tough guys Chas Smith and Ashton Goggans lay hand.

Surf culture in crisis after embarrassing scuffle between waveriders labelled “world’s lamest fight” 

"If someone acts like they’re going to punch you it counts as assault, allowing you to engage without being liable for assaulting them."

There are many reasons not to like surfing: surf hats with the inbuilt GoPro cameras, surf hats in general, change mats, the ritual humiliation of towelling ponchos, beach carts, electric foils with handheld remote controls, foam surfboards with handles, inclusivity, diversity etc. 

All of which threaten the beating heart of surf culture, a place that was once raw as hell, untamed, just you and a board carved from a hunk of rectangular foam and the pulse of the damn ocean. You, a giant tomcat glaring at these obstinate waves that wanted to smash you from ass to earlobe. 

You and the pulse-racing magic of discovering new waves and then coolly surfing them with the contented look of a female lion suckling her young. 

A real rock-and-cock show, as if it needs to be said. 

But if the VALS in the hats and the ponchos and so on threatened to dilute surf culture into a bitter cordial, a so-called fight posted on Instagram between two surfers might be its death knell. 

In the video, two men shape up, one apparently a kneeboarder noted for his aerials. You won’t believe what happens next

Nothing! 

But as lame as the non-fight is, the initial commentary below the line was worse. 

Call the cops!

I’m pretty sure if someone acts like they’re going to punch you like that, it counts as assault, allowing you to engage without being liable for assaulting them especially if it’s on camera

It does get better with various takes on homosexuality and so on although, so far, the commentariat has resisted leaning into versions of retard.

Just a couple of gays having fun! Gotta love Cali! Pride month coming around again 

E homo pretending to confront an OC homo, who’s mom is gonna bail them out? 

Cali produces more gays than any other state though. 20 million people live near the beach and all think they’re tough guy locals, but they’re actually just gay gays with wealthy parents.

To see a real surf fight, we must revisit the infamous surf trade show where two of surfing’s most notorious tough guys, BeachGrit’s Chas Smith and Stab’s Ashton Goggans, exchanged one slap!


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channelbottom
channelbottom
10 months ago

May I just say that anyone wearing a flat-brimmed baseball cap is instantly suspect of being a fuckwit?

Tom House
Tom House
10 months ago

I’m not gonna give IG a click, but in my experience, any dude with a goatee, flat brimmed hat, and sideburns should be in jail.

pipspuss
pipspuss
10 months ago

Happy Halloween… can’t wait to sport my costume https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Your face is my case
Your face is my case
10 months ago

if you want to see a real surf fight, as well as some exquisite surfing, nothing beats the Dan Malloy scuffle

Hippy
Hippy
10 months ago

Key is, never on film

Getting more diff by the day, don’t need to stage

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
10 months ago

https://uploads.disquscdn.c… What a fucken core lord.

Com Turren
Com Turren
10 months ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

but have you seen his real estate listings though? I hear they are pretty core. Local buyers only.

Brutus
Brutus
10 months ago
Reply to  Com Turren

possibly local sellers only and not peter?

Com Turren
Com Turren
10 months ago

pretty sure there’s a BJJ defense to that where you just hit the ground and hope that your assailant voluntarily decides to join you down there

Rocks local
Rocks local
10 months ago
Reply to  Com Turren

lol

Sellme fitzgobbins
Sellme fitzgobbins
10 months ago

Even more lame than the chest puffing is the road style carpet on the beach? Mericans….

@TheRealJackMeoff
@TheRealJackMeoff
10 months ago

Helps to keep from stepping on broken glass or syringes on the way out.

Com Turren
Com Turren
10 months ago

last time I surfed at that spot, there was a Corgi convention on the beach with a bunch of Corgi owners and their dogs all along that little boardwalk. And then one of the dogs ran up and peed on my leg as I was checking out the surf

Strayan Cunt
Strayan Cunt
10 months ago

Hahaha what is that thing?

Durban Poison
Durban Poison
10 months ago

Shouldn’t the kneeboarder be on his knees?

Stick man
Stick man
10 months ago
Reply to  Durban Poison

shoulda knee’d him!

@TheRealJackMeoff
@TheRealJackMeoff
10 months ago
Reply to  Stick man

Did you really kneed to go there?

Stick man
Stick man
10 months ago

Drop it!

notsurfingtoday
notsurfingtoday
10 months ago

Watched on mute so failed to understand who’s the kneeboarder.
Wannabe Pennywise frontman with copycat Dickies buddy or the yamamoto wetsuit 21st century man-boy.
Culture clash seems eminent.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
10 months ago

I wonder if he had his time again Chas would get back up and stand and deliver?

Strayan Cunt
Strayan Cunt
10 months ago

Hahahahahaha

Hippy
Hippy
10 months ago

Whatever happened to old Groggins?

Tom House
Tom House
10 months ago
Reply to  Hippy

Running a nice little surf boutique/masturbatory event space near Haleiwa.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
10 months ago
Reply to  Tom House

Not involved with STAB anymore?

Tom House
Tom House
10 months ago

Nope. Not for awhile now

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
10 months ago

Of course not. Ashton should have sent Chas a pink tee shirt that said “Ashton’s Bitch”.

Gil Gunderson
Gil Gunderson
10 months ago

Cali produces more gays than any other state? Let’s hope the tariffs stem the flow of cheap Asian gays into the US and support those locally made gays.

deeks
deeks
10 months ago
Reply to  Gil Gunderson

🤣🤣 fuck!

Strayan Cunt
Strayan Cunt
10 months ago
Reply to  Gil Gunderson

Hahaahahaha

notsurfingtoday
notsurfingtoday
10 months ago
Reply to  Gil Gunderson

Make America Gay Again

SaltyHB
SaltyHB
10 months ago
Ciao Chianca
Ciao Chianca
10 months ago

Just show the knee boarder doing an air!

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
10 months ago

Having worked in the construction every summer from HS through college, I rarely saw or participated in a fight that looked this gay as talk is cheap and generally ends with a few less teeth. Even my gay friends would scratch out the eyes of any man who invaded their space. But then again they’re weren’t that many fights as most men knew when to walk away from shit.

As for the Chas kerfuffle, solid work and way to lead by example especially with the vintage RayBans!

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
10 months ago
Reply to  Picard Madeoff

I’m from the elite school of fighting where I can remember the best ones cause I got knocked out. Chin like Murano glass.

Anon
Anon
10 months ago

The fact that you know Murano glass doesn’t bode well for you fighting skills. Finer things in life etc

Rocks local
Rocks local
10 months ago

wake up and see the sky, fun times!

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
10 months ago

Love this! I recall fighting a guy with a cast in his hand. Never fight a guy with a cast…it still hurts all these decades later

deeks
deeks
10 months ago

A few squirts of hand sanitizer before the fray

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
10 months ago
Reply to  deeks

A little clap on the hips and an osssss.

Anon
Anon
10 months ago

I don’t know if surf culture was as raw and cool as we all remember https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
10 months ago
Reply to  Anon

Still look like scrappers.

deeks
deeks
10 months ago

Gay as fuck scrappers.
GAFS

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
10 months ago

…”but they’re actually just gay gays with wealthy parents”.

Sounds like half the ‘surf world’ anyway…


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