Filipe Toledo Mistaken for John John Florence’s Absent Daddy in Viral Surf Clip

"Is Filipe Toledo John John Florence's Dad? WTF?"

If you don’t know the genesis of the triple world champion John John Florence by now, well, here’s a very brief recap.

Eleven years ago, John Florence senior, the fifty-six-year-old father of John John junior, Ivan and Nathan, wrote a sixty-nine page long tell-all memoir called FEAR (Face Everything and Recover), and which is available, kindle only, for $3.81 on Amazon and currently sitting on just under an overall four-star rating.

It is a fascinating read and it’s clear, I think, where Nathan, the most engaging of the three brothers, gets his quirky, slightly literary side.

“I am natural flirt. I enjoy making people smile, chuckle, laugh. I am very sexual by nature. I was raised that way. I have always enjoyed the whole sexual innuendo sort of suggestion in general conversation. Something that would make a person raise an eyebrow while giving a sly knowing smile back. Very sexual in every way to a fault or not, I am not sure but this is simply how I interact with everyone from passengers at my tables to coworkers, friends and girlfriends.

“Alex was attracted to me because I was the charming, funny waiter, union delegate, friend of the captain, a sort of King of the Dining Room on the ships. She was also intimidated by those qualities.

“By attacking everything that made me, she could safely keep her hold on me. But this makes me ask the question, “Am I still me without all those qualities?” Am I still a fun, comical, sexy and intriguing John? I know I didn’t feel that way with Alex. I felt stripped of me, like a John in a black and white. I felt caged and shut down. Like a bird not allowed to fly, a flower not allowed to bloom… I need to be able to be me, to attract the responses I desire – the laughs, the smiles, the sexy knowing smiles of women… ”

“I am currently awaiting arraignment for two felony DUIs. I received a DUI on October 10th of 2013 and hired a lawyer; he felt we had it beat due to no witnesses. Then, as if I’m living with doom on my shoulder, I received another DUI in January of 2014. The prosecutor offered me a plea on two misdemeanour charges but my attorney quickly refused the plea, and accepted that they would upgraded these to two felony DUIs. I do not know what the terms of the plea were, but as in the first case, there was (sic) no witnesses to put me behind the wheel at the time the vehicle was stranger on the curb… I am looking at some time behind bars. What the fuck was I thinking? … Like so many before me, alcohol is doom’s carrier pigeon… I feel now that I was doomed from the start… doomed to make poor decisions, doomed to be misled by my love of ‘good times’ to a life of pain and misery, leaving destruction and broken lives in my wake.

“Yet, I must admit, if not for the alcohol, I would not have married the two beautiful women who loved me, would not have the four beautiful sons I love with all my heart, and wouldn’t have this story to tell… ”

In response to the story on BeachGrit a commenter calling ’emselves John Florence commented, “Soak in that illusion bro…you aren’t very bright are you…that or oblivious to the truth…perhaps your blinded by the tits…LOL.”

Filipe Toledo is Johnny’s Daddy says AI

Now, in an AI-generated documentary about Ivan Florence, the youngest and for a time prettiest of the three brothers, on YouTube, Brazilian two-time champ Filipe Toledo, a sometime rival of John John Florence and three years younger than the Hawaiian, has been cast as the absent Daddy.

There’s a certain irony in AI’s choice of Filipe Toledo, whose struggles with Teahupoo and Pipeline contrast heavily with the man he supposedly sired three years before he was born.

Do you think AI has sense of humour or did AI, while scraping the guts out of various websites cored the hell out of BeachGrit and found the unkind shot of Pip, which was buried under a story about John Sr?

Or word on the street etc?

Speaking of, the clowns here at BeachGrit got buried by AI bots so we paid zillions for an impenetrable firewall only to keep Google out thereby crashing our income stream.

Some will say karmic etc.