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“I can’t unsee this!” Chinese Communist Party reveals ultimate surfing cheat code

Belly Slater breaks half-a-century of surfing myth-making!

For a very long time, and until recently, surfing existed in a halo of mystique. The perception was, if you could surf, you lived close to the Gods.

And that Dane Reynolds, Kelly Slater, John John Florence, even small wave wiz Pip Toledo, were men with an uncommon connection to the movements of the ocean. 

Many, still, cling to this myth. 

Well, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), which took control of mainland China after defeating Chiang Kai-shek’s Kuomintang in 1949—forcing it to flee to Taiwan and form the Republic of China—has sent shivers down the spines of surfing core lords with proof that… anyone… can surf.

And, wait for it, surfing is…easy. 

China Surf Park is an indoor surfing facility in Beijing, an urban surf simulation that uses a standing wave for year-round sessions in eighty two degree water, and not to be confused with Surfland on Hainan Island which has a PerfectSwell tank. 

In the clip below, we see a corpulent Chinese boy in tracksuit, fat in the Asian sense and not in the American impossible-to-believe-someone-could-shovel-that-much-shit-down-their-greedy-throats manner, although someone in the comments had given him the epithet Belly Slater for his fat tummy and stubby legs, dancing through the gate of the pool and tearing hell out of the little stationary wave including a chop hop, a move that has eluded most surfers over 40 their entire lives. 

Proof that learning to surf, and shred, is all about drills and repetition and that you don’t have to have a steely gaze and big lips and broad shoulders and hair that renders yellow at its ends. The Tim Winton Breath myth, y’might say.

BREATH Trailer NEW (2018) - Simon Baker Movie

And the wave pool and the arrival of tank jockeys proves that getting good at surfing ain’t no diff to becoming the best speed skater at your rollerskating rink or the king of Dance Dance Revolution in the arcades.

The coldest truth ever, yes?

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deeks

The string in my leg’s gone jack

Otto

Hahahaha….I’m much taller, and more handsome, but or much the same ball buster attitude

Jack John Johnson

If you know you know.

toofattosurf

goofy is the real natural, just sayin’…

@TheRealJackMeoff

Nah who’s leaving?
Just staying out of pointless political convos.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Except that if we do invade Iran it should be at this beach…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Otto

You know me too well.

heliosart pacifica

And another transgender mass shooter making headlines today. Nothing to see here though – transpeople are totally normal!

The Bitchy Crab

Always important to differentiate tween the AGP crowd and the hot T-Gals.

Hippy

Stephen Colbert

heliosart pacifica

LOL. Welcome to the world of “how the media works” and does the bidding of owners and political machines. You must be new here.

Hippy

Or it’s blatant censorship on a convicted felons behalf

heliosart pacifica

Yes, blatant censorship is the way it has worked since print and TV news and then any sort of broadcast media began.

The purpose of media is to sell advertising and do the bidding/promote the political agenda of the owners.

The agenda gets communicated on down the line. Owners communicate directly with the top editors and program directors, who then direct writers what will or will not be covered.

Nothing new here.

It’s the reason the FCC’s Fairness Doctrine was implemented.

Otto

The equal time rule would have mandated CBS/Colbert give an interview to Jasmine Crockett, also a Democrat.

Hippy

Lucky the FCC never watches Fox

Fairness, pfffftttt…..

Call it what it is, but you can’t

heliosart pacifica

The FCC’s Fairness Doctrine is no longer in existence.

“Call it what it is, but you can’t”

What are you talking about?

All news is biased in the direction the owner leans.

The job of the news is to do the bidding of the publisher/owner/his political allies – not to ensure the public is well informed sans bias.

They will block stories and refuse to allow certain people on the network if it goes against their objectives.

You think the White House wouldn’t allow CBS to put this guy on the air. Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re wrong. This sort of censorship has always happened. You just don’t like it because you think it’s Trump doing it.

Funny, you never cried when the Biden admin was caught censoring views they didn’t like on social media…

Mike

Is A kook!

The Bitchy Crab

Makes Trevor Noah sound coherent.

Hippy

All the venues you mention should be replaced

The CT should be elite tracks, not 4 stop parking lots

BograilCutback

I am reading True History of the Kelly Gang by Peter Carey and I’m too lazy to find a comment you’ve made that parallels your almost avuncular Aussie tone but I thought I’d share this:

(To a young Ned Kelly): “This here is Bullock Creek my friend and I will tell you now it won’t never betray you. I know all your mates are fine fellows but there ain’t one that cannot be purchased by the police when the price is right and women will grow weary of you farting in their beds and dogs make good company but then they die. This old guy said he has timber 2ft. thick do you know what that means?”

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Nice hooting from the shoulder!

@TheRealJackMeoff

Ah the old hot donald….
Just wait though cause Jesse Jackson died which is 100 percent sure to generate a piece of Chas and trigger some hate debate.
As for me I am out, just like watching any more WSL I am going full quit lit.

Jack John Johnson

If you quit they win.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Silence speaks louder than words and non engagement means more free time…win-win!

Jack John Johnson

But you’ll still dabble. You know this.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Addiction is a bitch but I’m trying.

Jack John Johnson

Surfing is healthy❤️

Dogsnuts

Nothing like a good poo on live telly for your simps to lap up.
Xox

BograilCutback

Wearing sweatpants/trainers with a soggy bum on a standing wave is the new olo surfing… sport of kings.

the key here is the knub for a center fin—would be at home in Munich if that wav ever comes back

BograilCutback

Oh fuk I died laughing at this one you cunnnnnn’

Occy's Nostril

I love the smell of napalm in the morning…

Jordy's pout

Yeah surfing is pretty easy. Commenting on surf-adjacent tabloid websites though… That’s were the real skill is.

Gil Gunderson

Mao’s last supper.. No, SURFER! Mao’s last surfer!

@surfads

Mao 6’1

Gil Gunderson

Hahahahaha

deeks

No Australian beef boycott for this yung fella

Hippy

Manu replaced Supertubes

Let that sink in

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

so fucked


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