"This is not AI."
The opening bell of, well, Bells, is but days away. Our professional surfing heroes and heroines back in singlet for what will no doubt be a memorable season. While the grouchy amongst us will approach 2026 with their ugly and unhelpful glass-half-full mentality, bemoaning the fact that John John Florence is sitting another year out, for example, the optimists will thrill that Gabriel Medina is back.
Yes, the Brazilian hunk missed all of 2025 due injury, having ripped his booby, surf fans everywhere wondering if he’ll be in fighting shape or… not.
The last we saw him, anyhow, was flying high in Teahupo’o on his way to Olympic bronze at the ’24 Paris Games. More importantly, though, was the viral image snapped wherein he appeared to be walking on clouds.
Well, a plagiaristic dolphin, sensing how cool it all was, completely ripped Medina off a few short weeks ago by launching itself into the air off Maui’s western shore.
Noted as a pantropical spotted dolphin, by the Pacific Whale Foundation, the species grows to between 6 and 7 feet long and 250 pounds and can leap upwards of 20 feet out of the water.
Taking to social media, the conservation group shared, “This is not AI. Introducing the Micheal Jordan of Dolphins.”
What, of course, they meant to write was “Introducing the Gabriel Medina of Dolphins.”
Medina, anyhow, will be coming up against Al Cleland Jr. in round 1’s heat 14.
Here for it.