Surfers light candles for Kelly Slater’s Surf Abu Dhabi after Trump declares war on Iran

"Our objective is to defend the American people by eliminating imminent threats from the Iranian regime, a vicious group of very hard, terrible people."

Missiles are raining in the Middle East, this morning, after U.S. President Donald J. Trump decided to keep a fundamental campaign promise and attack Iran. Taking to Truth Social, the recipient of last year’s hand-me-down Noble Peace Prize declared, “A short time ago, the United States military began major combat operations in Iran. Our objective is to defend the American people by eliminating imminent threats from the Iranian regime, a vicious group of very hard, terrible people. Its menacing activities directly endanger the United States, our troops our bases overseas and our allies throughout the world. For 47 years, the Iranian regime has chanted ‘Death to America’ and waged an unending campaign of bloodshed and mass murder, targeting the United States, our troops and innocent people in many, many countries.”

Iran responded by showering the region with missiles, surfers, everywhere, immediately lighting candles for the safety of Surf Abu Dhabi as the United Arab Emirates became a target.

Opening just over a year ago and featuring the “world’s longest ride, largest barrel, and highest man-made wave,” Surf Abu Dhabi made an immediate impact on the surf world, directly fulfilling its promise of becoming “a beacon of excellence in the realm of water sports.”

Last year’s inaugural Surf Abu Dhabi Pro, presented by Corona Cero, was stop number two on the World Surf League’s Championship Tour and featured memorable wins by Italo Ferreira and Caity Simmers.

This year, it will be stop number ten, if it survives.

The UAE’s Ministry of Defense has confirmed strikes in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, sharing, “Such acts constitute a dangerous escalation and a cowardly act that threatens the safety of civilians and undermines stability.”

It is unclear what outcome Trump hopes to achieve in the attack, aside from a further burial of those pesky Epstein Files.

Surfers, everywhere, on pins and needless.

I mean needles.