"I didn't choose Filipe Toledo, the forecast did."
In sixteen hours or thereabouts, the Bells Beach Pro, lightly sponsored by troubled camping retailer Kathmandu and underwritten by the taxpayers of the bankrupt state of Victoria, will skid into life, marking the beginning of the 2026 Championship Tour.
The tour has been in hiatus since last September when it was won by, ooowe, anyone remember?
Slinky Yago! And pragmatic Molly!
Once Bells starts, the door shuts on surfing’s richest fantasy league, Surfival. Which means, if you want to have a swing at seven gees and a fleet of three PANDA surfboards, you gotta get in now before that hoary ol AC/DC tune lights up the famous amphitheatre.
Usual rules. Pick one surfer, gal and guy, per event, and you can only choose ’em once, like, don’t use up your Yago, Molly or Gabriel, Caity, and if they make it past the second round you’re safe.
If they don’t, you’re out.
Last man, gal, standing wins the cash, boards.
Ruthless. Effective.
Things to consider: what’s the surf gonna be like? Three-foot and clean, day one, which augers well for small-wave wizard Filipe Toledo and the frenetic jabbing of Italo Ferreira.
A sample of comments from the hundreds of surfers already locked in.
On Ethan Ewing,
“At this point the Ewing family owns that wave more than Rip Curl does.”
“Ewing rhymes with pooing. And that’s pretty cool.”
“purely based on glutes”
“I deserve to lose early if Ethan also loses early.”
On Griffin Colapinto:
“Curse me, daddy.”
On Filipe Toledo:
“I didn’t choose him, the conditions forecast did.”
“Short kings bow to the lion.”
On Rio Waida:
“CHAT GPT told me to.”
On Tyler Wright:
“Success is the best revenge; suck on that, Rip Curl!”
On Caroline Marks:
“Florida Man Mr Cheddar huffs paint and teaches calisthenics class in Buc-ee’s parking lot, sees vision of Caroline Marks Ringing the bell inside a pulled pork sandwich.”
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I do like a good professional surfing competition.
I just capitulated and joined. Ewing and Marks. Simply because of the draw.
Toss up between who’s the prettiest.
Geez dude. Good luck with Caroline!
Gabe looks squirrely switching up boards, and Gilmore looked pedestrian in the warm up vids.
Giving up Cabiancas very foolish.
What’s he on now?
Gerry Lopez Costco foamies – rasta colourway.
Riding both Cabs and Channel Island’s, to the point of swapping between them mid surf.
Not a winning formula ay mate. Like I said I think we all remember the old mongrel Gabe but he is way past that now and his last win was back three years or so back at Margs? Really hope I am wrong cuz faaaaaaark me he was such an animal when he first appeared and I have always loved him
Likewise I reckon a little hunger might’ve disappeared.
He’s such a tease.
I just don’t reckon we are going to see the “old Gabe” that we all used to love soooo much ay. Years off with family issues and injuries and large wealth have taken away that mongrel from him and personally I don’t reckon he will get near the top 5. Would love to be proved wrong though
You will be.
Are any of you fellas like me and look at that first heat between Matteus and LOB and think how fucking hectic it is? Both of them FUCKING RIP and to think one of them only gets a half hour heat in the event to make room for 8 more Sheilas to compete is just crazy in my personal opinion
Why are you acting so normal? It’s very concerning. I’m wondering if I made a mistake putting in a good word for you.
Hahahaahha sorry mate but that second stint in the hole really got to me cuz I thought I was gone for good and would never get to chat to you lovely gentlemen again. I actually want to say a massive thanks and huge respect to all the legends on here who supported me in my absence, it is honestly and genuinely hugely appreciated. I guess I am just a little on edge and keep expecting my words to suddenly disappear haha. Anyway thanks heaps fellas and you Negs and I will slowly loosen up I am hoping but not getting sooooo loose I get kicked back in the hole for all eternity hahahaha
Jesus fuck. It’s Beachgrit, not a nuclear bunker.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Derek you full well know I picked Griff and left an amazingly deft reason as to why and you have given it a glaring omission. Well poo poo to you sir! Poo poo!
Xox
Taylor Lobdell sent me quotes! I no see!
Okay, thank you I know who to finger now!
Xox