A grouse in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Bells Beach ended, a few days ago, and Margaret River is starting in days, but let me be honest with you. I didn’t and don’t care. I tried to muster some interest for finals day, there in Torquay-by-the-Sea, and intently watch, but Joe Turpel n Friends was legitimately too much to bear and so I poked in and out of the broadcast instead, only paying slight attention.
Oh, the list of complaints, when it comes to the World Surf League’s Championship Tour, is long and not worth regurgitating. You are familiar with the beats. But is it just us, you and me? Are we jaded and rude, spoiled by familiarity and unaware of a boisterous and fresh fanbase who not only doesn’t care what we think, but doesn’t even know we exist?
What made me wonder, I suppose, was yesterday’s Tampa Pro, the famed skate event held, each year, in Tampa, Florida. Though I am no skate expert, I’ve watched enough of the professional competitive varietal, over the past fifteen years, to be somewhat literate as to what is happening. I watched the Tampa Pro final, in any case, from the opening hooter and enjoyed every last second of it. The action, quick and sensible. The commentary funny and light. The crowd engaged. There is no need to manufacture drama, it is already folded in to the format itself, and those on the mic don’t treat the audience like they are absolute buffoons.
Yes, I was thoroughly entertained but is that because I am only tangentially engaged to skating? Are the old skate heads, for example, grousing about… whatever we grouse about regarding the World Surf League? Is there a new crop of tangentially engaged surf fans who would be perplexed about our World Surf League grousing?
Or out of all the professional competitive extreme sport competitions, skateboarding, snowboarding, mountain biking, beach volleyball etc. is surfing just the worst? I don’t see why it should be, but it sure feels like it is.
No?
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I have a feeling that comps only worked in the print media and occasional snippets on news highlights.
I used to devour Tracks and Surfer, reading the European tour or whatever. And comps looked kind of cool when you saw select photos on a few pages. But I suspect we mainly read it for the stories of pro surfers taking drugs and sleeping with hot foreign women.
I’ve been to so ASP/WCT comps, mostly it’s fucking boring, two heads bobbing in the lineup while some bozo babbles on the PA. Usually the wind is crap or the waves too small.
I would make it 4 or even 6 man heats, more waves caught in every heat, and get the fucking comp over in a few days, when the surf is actually good. And for christ’s sake stop with this fantasy that they are athletes. They should grow their hair, paint their boards in crazy colours and act like rock stars. Will immediately get kids keen on surfing again.
My 11 year old son who I’m about to drive to he Margie’s comp in a few days would not give two fucks if someone doesn’t like wsl and pro surfing. He absolutely froths it. Rides the highs, gets bummed when it’s called off, debates judging calls ect ect.
The bells comp was rubbish . The next day the surf was pumping and all the local crew were happy to see the wsl circus leave town .checkout the local footage of the sunday big barrels that people would be much happier watching with hoots and cheers for a sound track rather than people trying to talk up por surf conditions.
You forgot to explain the opening picture this time.
I am guessing
“Woman (left), hates on much prettier crazy surfing Man (Right)”
Since cunty D.Ziff took over it seems theyve tried to make each event the Superbowl. It was better with ex pros commentating unshackled. Old war stories during the down time, bit of board talk. Light and fun. Now hype, hype, hype no critical comments allowed. Cookie cutter bullshit. Soy products & fucking bailey ladders. Cunts have lost the plot.
Just get on the live chat and rip in with all the Strayans ya pack of sooky cunts
I would like for simple explantions of the pictures, as I commented above too.
Avoids any confusion in the future.
Surfing WA at the behest of the WSL is pushing to remove the names hand painted on parts of the stairs at Surfers Point with love and grief by friends and family of local surfers that have died (a couple of them died or went missing surfing Margs) over the years as part of their “clean up” for upcoming event.
The names were taking away from the shiny plaques of long forgotten contest winners that adore the stairs and room for more is needed the looks of it.
As a way to solve their problem Surfing WA is offering to pay for plaques to be placed around the corner down the stairs at southside (where nobody goes) so wont disturb their vain glory too much and give the wsl another item for the positive list of great things we do for local communities” like planting bushes and giving kids yellow rashies and a chance to carry a pro surfers board (just dont talk to them kiddies).
Highly disrespectful for the dead and the LOCAL surfing community.
Messing with memorials of the dead could bring the wsl some very bad juju
RIP
Frank, Hinesy, Duttz, Hoye, Azza, Big Mitch, Gilsey, Ole the Viking, Jimmi
Thats actually fucked.
That’s really fucked up.
Fuck the WSL for that if nothing else.
No one is gonna mention beach volleyball was mentioned in the same breath as surfing…?
Chas old mate , sellmefitzgobins just dropped a clanger reply to one of my snarky dumb as always shit stirring comments , apprently possibly true or not the WSL is going to or has removed the hand painted names of past respected long time local surfers from the stairs at surfers point margaret river so they can add more contest winners names ,no idea if its a real thing or not , but fuck what a great story if it was leading up to that contest.
Cut the field by half, make the comp one day only. Done.
definitely fun to hate on it – but as a lifelong avid consumer/watcher/attender of USA dominant sports (sorry soccer and hockey) , the true fact is that every single sport involves lengthy periods of low or no drama punctuated by moments of high drama (or high leverage, in the new vernacular).
And competitive snowboarding is dreadful to watch, skating nearly as bad.
obvious fix would be to run all the early rounds as overlapping heats to ensure fewer waves go unridden. And tamp down on announcer babble by pre recording interviews of the competing surfers right before contest starts, then run snippets of their interviews during lulls in their heats (but on split screen, so as not to miss waves).
Also, as others have suggested, tweak the scoring to make it best 3 waves, where top wave counts twice (so 3 waves but 4 scores).
Maybe break the scores down into technical/stylistic categories, where total score is combo of both.
Here’s my favorite idea — anoint a retired pro surfer (Taj??) as the judging “ombudsman,” and give every surfer 2 (or 3 or 4) challenges per contest where the judges’ scores for a wave are thrown out and the ombudsman awards a replacement score (which could be higher or lower than the actual score).
And everyone wants better locations/bigger or more flexible contest windows – sure , that’s great, would love good waves for every contest, but really good long period swells still feature lots of waiting, that just is what it is. But totally agree that better waves make for better contests.
Everyone that surfs understands waiting for sets.
It’s waiting for sets that are chest high, onshore , weak and closing out that we don’t understand.
agree with good waves, of course
actually like my ombudsman idea the best – the drama when a surfer calls for a review and everyone waits to see what happens with the review?? Yet another thing for the Brazzos to lose their shit over?? What’s not to love?
Taj ?? Haha you had us there for a minute Taj nah the WSL is not going to gift you a job because your broke and now a yalls purple circle outcast …
ha, just trying to throw a bone to all the butt hurt Aussies out there
Pro surfing is epic. The current iteration is not.
I had the Bells event on in the background the other day when a mate and his missus came to visit. She doesn’t surf but her son and daughter both committed surfers and surf really well. He is a bloke who’s been pretending to be a surfer for decades but can’t really do it after wasting his youth chasing dollars. They both feigned interest in the broadcast while we got the jug on to make coffee. I tried to imagine what they thought of the entertainment as the two surfers bobbed around in cold grey water waiting for a small, shit wave every fifteen odd minutes. Joe Turpel bleating absolute shit the whole time to the point that she commented on how annoying Joe was.
After they left I realised that my personal opinion on the way the sport is formatted are no different from the general public. My expectations of prioritising good surf over everything else is not some delusional pipedream of the over sensitive Uber-fan. It’s foundational to the entire enterprise.
Surf is never guaranteed but mobility, flexibility and dedication to prioritising good waves is totally absent from the WSL institution. Despite their protestations, the outcomes prove they really do not give a fuck. Parts of Australia were pumping whilst the WSL surfers were floundering in grim, grey slop. A few hours by plane and the whole event would have been a different beast.
Why is it some unattainable fantasy to have the pros park up in Australia for a month and stage the three events as mobile great-waves-or-get-the-fuck-out surf missions? The cost would be the same as the stupid mass infrastructure shit show they pursue. The cash burn setting up all that rubbish is the reason the events are so often dogshit.
Put the judges on a mobile scoffold or on a deck chair under an umbrella. Fuck off the athlete’s zone, the buffet, the entire room for handing out a fucking rashshirt. The VIPs can sit on their arse amongst the plebs. All these things that the WSL are so proud of are the very reason the surfers and spectators have to endure slop waves. Keep it light, free and mobile. Then you’ve got the pros themselves gushing about how special they feel having their own locker and bunting everywhere showing their gurning faces, before they go out and lose after posting a 3.7 and a 2.5 because the waves are basically unsurfable rubbish. These two things being connected don’t seem to register in their minds.
And Joe Turpel is a fucking anchor on the sport.
You know it’s a shitshow when Joe Turpel is a non negotiable feature of the broadcast but great waves aren’t.
Remember when Dirk Ziff was accepting his Waterman of the year award and he sharted out that little diatribe about how grumpy local surf fans were stealing the poor pro surfer’s dreams? Yeah, don’t forget it when the pro surfers are sent out in unrideable dross that contributes to them losing world titles because they can’t perform and ask yourself why those surfers aren’t permitted a tour that puts wave quality as the only thing that matters.
Ziff is almost certainly in the Epstein files.
Skating, much like snowboarding, has reached the point of nothing being overly impressive when watching a contest. One can only count so many spin and flips before it becomes a bore.
Saw that movie second thoughts. Was a good watch. Serious roughing it to save money. I’d like to surf that left, I love fast down the line waves. The right though had about a five percent make rate. I’d want access to a satellite phone if I was surfing that right to be able to get picked up if needed. A lot of potential for injury it seems.
Now that you have seen it, I can tell you it is mostly bullshit. It’s a bunch of trips edited to look like one long trip. That boat of theirs that is supposedly broken can be seen in quite a bit of the footage. The charter boat (actually boats) he claims to have shared ‘his’ waves with are Just Dreaming and Nomad, both of which had been operating there for years before douchebag showed up. His claim to have taken chickens and a goat to the island created enough drama with authorities that one of the boats bailed on doing charters there. The left is called One Palm Point, probably the shallowest wave in Indo. There is a reason they are wearing fullsuitsm booties and helmets, and it ain’t cold at all. The right is called Apocalypse, nearly impossible take off for a goofy, and the make-ability rate depends on swell direction. I have footage of guys taking off and literally drifting back up the face due to the amount of water sucking up the thing. Dylan Longbottom was into it for awhile and made numerous trips there. There are also a few other waves in the bay but they don’t really show them except a wave or two from Napalm. Bottom line, place isn’t for the faint of heart and will humble just about anyone who tries to surf One Palm or the Lypse.
The rights any good across the bay?
Have a close friend, tube hound, who agrees with you.
The rights across the bay are the Bombie, Illusions, Pussy’s (Puss Point) and Apocalypse. Bombie sucks, Illusions is just that but rippable, Pussy’s is self explanatory, and Lypse is Lypse. There are also a couple short lefts in the bay with a few waves outside around the island and on mainland but fickle with wind.
He stayed on the eastern edge of the bay preferring lefts in the worst boat he has ever traveled on. Cheap AF was the boat and my friend. Always wanted to go, wonder if it’s become a mess like most other spots?
It’s too heavy to get that way. The average person has no business out at Apocalypse and you probably would never see it break anyway. Needs solid swell to even start showing and it doesn’t exist under 8 foot faces (even then its not good). One Palm is too scary for the average Joe and they would be out of the water after first wave left them on dry reef. It’s fucking scary.
Greenbush for me. I don’t know how I didn’t get cut or buckle the magic AM.
I kept waiting for someone to make the right all the way through and Dylan Longbottom finally did on the last wave. Was kind of wondering how authentic the story was because getting dropped off and telling the boat to come back in a month with no communication with the outside world sounded really sketchy.
I’ve mentioned it before on here, one of my best friends got a centerfold in Surfer Mag wearing booties at Restaurants lol .
That’s more of Timmy trying to make Timmy look good. 2 charters boats were out there everyday and making the trip back to Java weekly.
What do you think of Trav?
It was a cool concept for the movie.
Where was Mikala when he shot that gold tube?
I don’t know him but heard both him and the Brett guy were pretty cool, mellow and ripped. This is glassy as Apocalypse I believe.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Not within a thousand kms of apocalypse.
Where? I’m just guessing based on Hippy’s comment.
My favorite photo… where is he?
Where is who? Mikala? He died and Gila is sayin the photo ain’t there.
I’m asking where that photo was taken
I used to think I knew until I went there and the orientation is wrong.
Ask Gila, I don’t know. Sounds like it ain’t Java based on his comment.
maybe Sima?
Mikala did hang up there a bit, maybe Fat Left. Scuzz used to tell people to keep it quiet even though it was pretty well known by the Indo regs. Could be Banyaks too.
That’s what I thought it was
I wrote this about that spot…
https://www.swellnet.com/forums/wax/481363
Mr 1 Percent from the story is (was) a surf partner of Mikala Jones.
And the peak in the bay ( not the spot in the photo) is actually about 800metres from shore – I checked on Google Earth – and there’s crocodiles in the area so probably should have treated the tributaries in the bay with a bit more respect.
I surfed pumping Nikko with Mikala. Bloke certainly knew his way around a slabbing tube.
great story… I love stories, used to type them, but unpopular with the young crew too content with camps and tours and crowds.
The adventure spirit of surfing was profound. We had keys and guiding principles (follow rivers to the ocean) and it all felt like ancient exploration.
Blowin man that is a great little writeup on risk. There’s just so much other stuff beyond the wave and what’s directly underneath it that can make a spot a lot more dangerous.
I had a bad surf injury that got me not just in the ER but actually admitted to the hospital. Made me think about risk and surfing a lot like how you do in your article. These days I get more sketched out by sketchy exits and mandatory scrambles to avoid getting washed over rocks or dry reef after falling.
that’s why I enjoy watching the women reaching that same level in snowboarding
Not to take anything away from them but they are just behind the men in terms of ability and performance. Personally not very impressed by that.
It’s like women’s tennis Barrelled.
The men’s game is just a big serve. If you don’t have one, you’re dead. Where as the women’s game still has strategy and diff styles of play.
When I played in college, my serve was the reason I advanced. Now, I’m small compared to the players who treat the serve like a Volleyball spike. Boring as fuck even if impressive. Women play the game because physically that can’t play above the game.
Oh Bobby!
I love that
such a good guy and by far the best goofy of his era
still kills it
Oh you have to watch Zoi. She is arguably the best snowboarder on the planet. Her male counterparts agree.
Oh, I have seen her. She’s likely the best female rider, still quite a ways from the men’s side talent wise.
Interesting how different you are from most of us commenters Chas. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate this site it’s a blast talking shit with everyone especially Strayan Cunt.
But it kind of seems like you really aren’t a pro surfing fan.
In Chazzy’s defense, pro surfing sucks and has ever since the Dream Tour ended. Many of the venues are B-grade, announcing sucks, best of the best aren’t on tour, waiting period too short, etc. I hate pro surfing.
I don’t think Chaz is as much a fan of surfing full stop.
Whilst I can’t claim to be a BG tragic and probably missed a shed load of stories over the years, I can’t recall a single story or reference to Chaz going on a semi-core surf trip, Think I remember something about a family holiday to somewhere in Central America that has waves but that’s it.
If you were from Coos Bay you would think a trip to Slater’s tub and Yemen were pretty core surf trips just like Chad.
Nah. If you want it you make it happen. If you don’t want it you go to Yemen.
I think you’re right, but also pro surfing does suck. At least the competitive part of it. Not even JJF wants anything to do with it.
Chas wrote the Euro tour for SURFER from a barber chair a mile away…. genius.
ME stuff is prime too. Everyone in surfing writes the same shit from the same angle. Easy to troll Joe and Kaip’s, hard to troll Mailman cause he’s so nice.
Sad to see the Euro tour turn into Portugal blinding sun. Loved the beach break contests. Just a memory like Jeffrey’s Bay is now.
That’s my girl!! xx
Be careful ya stupid cunt.
BEXY was hot too, in her avatar….
Orban out. Bad week to be JD Vance between his failures in Hungary and Pakistan.
Let us not forget who he works for and who tells him what to do.
which is why I think he’s the one Trump is sending to go out and fail—Trump wants to throw him under the bus so that Donald Trump Jr. can be the 2028 candidate.
What is more frightening, the POTUS posting a pic of himself as baby jesus or him claiming “I thought it was me as a doctor.”? I’m not of faith so the latter is far scarier to me.
Trump Jr in 2028 is a guaranteed loss for the right. No fucking way that guy can survive the vetting process (even though daddy somehow pulled it off).
That was horrifying. And what’s worse are the people who continue to try and justify every move he makes.
Dad has virtually no shame or self awareness
That image should have nailed his coffin with the religious, but they’re too far down the cult alley
‘chess, not checkers’ (said every moron who was actually playing checkers)
I think surfing comps will never be very entertaining viewing unless its absolutely pumping and at a venue like Cloudbreak or Pipe. Maybe thats why we all remember the surfing mag days so fondly, we didn’t have to sit through 10 days of constant hold calls and Joe Turpel and co endless dribble, just a write up and the best shots. You could make Bells look and sound like a dream event if thats all you are serving.
https://youtu.be/Hl5ngbPoQX0?si=hiXN3LawNj_mCydA
There is always the option of going back to the hanabada days, not watching the actual contestesess, and tune in to highlights and wrap ups only.
I find it works best when its just in the background, specially when its slow and you have guys surfing 2-3 waves in a 35min heat
Yup. Just like Test Cricket.
You’re correct.
I’ve said what you’ve said before and recently I reminded people that F1 can also be boring as fuck sometimes. Especially prior to the rule changes of 2014. They pay their guys $5m-$50m a year, and the sport is full of billionaires. Yet, often the races themselves are boring and they wait for the 2-3 good races a year.
I thought bells was entertaining. When the waves are fun and consistent and Gabby is going at it with Yago it’s true sport. A 35 minutes snapshot in time. And the strategy involved is fascinating
The fact that you have kept a positive attitude through all this even after losing your boy Cole in first round to the guy with the worst style on tour really impresses me Gwen.
Truth hurts
Nailed it Anon.
In terms of viewability, surfing is by far the worst with all the usual suspects being to blame (can’t control swell being there, constantly moving medium, absolute bore between waves surfed, and, yes, the abhorrent announcing). It’s all the things and feels that make one love to love, and love to hate, surfing.
I got my brother in law to sit down with me for good sized chopes and his first impression was “We watched a half hour to see 45 seconds”…. The waiting killed any interest which was all fear.