Surfers in unhappy relationships take note of “Alpine Divorce” trend

Introducing "The Lineup Divorce."

Spring has sprung, in the northern hemisphere, and with it, much amorousness. Men sitting at cafe tables batting eyes at women passing by. Women picnicking in the park catcalling men playing ultimate frisbee. Love, for true, a many splendored thing. Telephone numbers are sometimes exchanged, which lead to dates, which leads to committed longterm monogamousness.

Ahhhh, but the flower so fresh in April sometime sometimes withers and dies and what to do with its lifeless petals? Breaking up is, certainly, hard to do. The formerly happy couple sitting across from each other in icy silence trying to figure out how to untangle. There is no easy way, face to face with tears and rage, via text with its lingering paper trail of resentment, using a mutual friend as conduit to deliver the unfortunate news?

Well, in Austria a whole method has been developed called the “Alpine Divorce.” Quite basically, an unsatisfied partner with hiking or mountaineering skills marches the now-unwanted partner up a hill or out in the wilderness, storms off ahead then just flat out leaves them.

Andreas Truegler, 44, a squad leader and deputy head of mountain rescue in the Alps, shared with The New York Times that he was “shocked” by the number of stories about women abandoned my their mans on the trail. “This is not what you do as a decent human being,” he declared.

Sometimes the Alpine Divorce is “accidental,” merely a selfish partner simply not paying attention to his or her “love” and charging ahead unawares. “There’s the male ego, the pressure to be faster and stronger than others and to climb mountains not because of the beauty and the experience but to be able to tell someone some superlative that you reached,” Mr. Truegler added.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist in New York City, opined, “It’s almost like a Rorschach test. The issue isn’t the mountain, but the mind-set the person is bringing to the relationship and how they’re handling power and empathy and responsibility. The partner doing the Alpine divorce might have narcissistic traits where their validation comes from outside the relationship.”

Well, a spark of inspiration, anyhow, for surfers without mountaineering skills but totally over their partner.

The Lineup Divorce wherein he or she paddles the soon-to-be former flame out to a spot slightly above his or her skill level, then catches one in.

Almost too easy.

Thoughts?