Zombie and vampire post-Sochi Olympics 2014.
Zombie and vampire post-Sochi Olympics 2014.

The unceasing joy of jet lag

Zombie all day, vampire all night.

Eventually one has to leave the time-suspended joys of the airport terminal, and its various adjacencies, that magical space where time and customs vanish, and pass through actual customs where “morning” means morning and “evening” means evening and whiskey for breakfast is rightly frowned upon once more. The family did such at 2:00 AM into a surprisingly cool Marrakech. A driver was waiting, the house was close and sleep came easy, because it always does that first night. The thought percolates the next morning over time-appropriate tea.

“Maybe I beat jet lag?”

Ha! Fool! You interminable fool! Of course you didn’t beat jet lag! Nobody beats jet lag no matter what cocktail of melatonin plus not eating on the plane plus staying awake during the flight plus not watching any movies starring Julie Roberts plus plus is taken and you didn’t beat it either!

Jet lag, of course, always hits night two. 

I used to dread the terrors of staring at the ceiling, fan languidly spinning, mind racing through every mistake made in life, all night, then slogging like a dead man through the following day and try to ameliorate by downing my own cocktail, which basically consisted of staying awake for 48 straight hours.

It was only after having a daughter that I stopped caring and learned to love the lag. Children, of course, cannot be prescribed cocktails and there is no preparing them for the body shock. They sleep when they sleep, party when they party, and the only move is to follow along. 

We were in Sochi for the 2014 Winter Olympics, she was one, and we’d be up at 3:00 AM absolutely ripping it in the club, oil oligarchs whooping and hollering as she spun circles on the dance floor to celebrate Iouri Podladtchikov’s gold medal. We were in Rome when she was three and we’d run through an absolutely empty St. Peter’s Square playing hide and seek behind statues of the saints hours before sunrise. We were many other places playing many other games during witching hours and I realized how surreal and wonderful the vampire life can be. 

Yes, jet lag allows its victim the experience that Louis had after Lestat chewed his neck in New Orleans. “The statue seemed to move, but didn’t,” as he says in Interview with the Vampire. “The world had changed, yet stayed the same. I was a newborn vampire, weeping at the beauty of the night.”

Weeping at the beauty of the night has a side bonus, groaning at the horrors of the day, but this too is glorious for the jet lag sufferer also gets to experience life as a zombie. Shuffling down streets, head dropped, drooling, speaking incomprehensibly, ditching any ambition or greater care with the only focus being eating, and if in Mexico, eating brains. 

Life reduced to stumbling, mumbling and crumbling.

Vampire all night, zombie all day and how often does a human not named Christian Fletcher get to inhabit two different worlds of the living dead at the same time?

Well, as often as one travels, as it turns. 

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notsurfingtoday

Love/hate morrocco

Beautiful drives, great roads, sleeping in the desert, lush oasis, crossing the Atlas, really amazing

But unless you’re secluded in a 5-star luxe bubble living da upscale life, fuck those people can be intense, upclose and a bunch of creeps/weirdos.

Low wide stinkbug stance

Most dishonest, deceitful, terrible people I’ve ever met. They can all go to hell. Interesting things to see but the people are trash.

deeks

Seb krause .got a few banned vids in the mix.

I am a Crayfish Popsicle
Happy Camper

Hugh Jackman as Negatron?

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

They will get their revenge

The sheep will not be treated like a bunch of sheep

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Meanwhile a flock of sheep are trying to figure out which cunt murdered their shepherd.

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

@TheRealJackMeoff

Hey Longtom, since I can’t reply on your site I’ll post it here.
You sir are out of your mind, you hate this event so much it is affecting your clarity and judgement.
Margs has made it this long, you think El Sal won’t? Just remember there is alot more to it than laptops and crypto, in fact it is fast becoming the go to destination in Central America.
It already hosts many events besides this one.
But enough about spouting opinions, just put your money where your mouth is.
I really don’t care about the place, but to hear you whine about it while giving other shit venues a pass is more than I can take.
Again, I will put money or pride on it, as well as Indo never getting a CT event on tour again while the current regime is in place.
Step up and throw down!

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

Margs is another perfect example mate- dropped lots of times, spent time on the QS.

God knows why you’ve chosen this little shit riddled dump as a hobby horse to ride into the ditch on.

No way Punta Roca won’t end up dumped from the CT- doubt it will even end up on the Changa or QS where it belongs.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Again the shit talk means nothing.
Thrown down and put your money/pride where your mouth is.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

I already did mate- put it in writing with my name on it.

The way you are carrying on like Alanis Morriset here is embarrassing .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPcyTyilmYY

@TheRealJackMeoff

You may have a pulpit to preach on but this ain’t no flock.
I’ll stop harping on you once you stop moaning like a little crybaby.
Guess all you want to stake on it is your name in writing then?

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

So you are going to bitch and moan and act like a drama queen until I stop kicking Punta Roca in the nuts for being a b-grade wave?

OK mate.

@TheRealJackMeoff

I am not the one bitching and moaning and talking shit about a wave I haven’t surfed in person…that’s you.
Figures you would be an Alana Morrisette fan.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

I like your spirit mate.

But the first thing they teach you in Australia is if you are in a hole and you want to get out- stop digging.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Who wants out?
Funny watching a normally reserved fella come unglued the moment someone pushes back with facts and logic that doesn’t sit well with him.
Way too used to people sucking up and echo chambering.
Since you wanna gaslight and move goalposts I will politely remind you, this is not about whether El Sal is worthy or not, this is about dealing with WSL mediocrity as a whole.
I am not trying to change your mind, I am trying to tell you to shut the fuck up about it.
If you wanna just be an annoying prick, I will gladly return the favor.
You get what you give.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

You’re a funny old bloke Jack.

You want me to shut my gob about Punta Roca , because……it annoys you.

Why not just not read it mate?

You have your opinions and I have mine- no need to get so uptight about it.

Pauly Matt War-Shore

Was @TheRealJackMeoff the dildo what had the most epic of all meltdowns here that one time, posting literally hundreds of cry time posts over 3 or 4 threads, or was that the gorilla?

@TheRealJackMeoff
Rocks local

gorilla just fucked off and left w/ hardly a word

jack has had some fun moments, but hard not to love the guy

and maybe I’m just having a rough year generally , but the Aussie contingent does seem to get more insufferable by the day (present company excepted, of course, glad you’re back PM)

Strayan Cunt

Sorry Rocks had a few too many cold ones last night mate

Pauly Matt War-Shore

Ah, so that was him. That was the biggest melt I’ve witnessed on here, and he’s calling other people cry-babies. Funny. I don’t remember having a problem with him and I still don’t.

Can’t disagree with re: the Aussie contingent currently. Ya only gotta look at who’s spamming the boards with inane dross to see that, but hey, I’m often insufferable and Australian too.

Love you, Rocks

Zionism is a death cult

Barnycle

Gorilla nuked his Disqus account on this way out as well, as far as I can tell. He likely realised that it wasn’t adding anything to his scenario.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Mate you stated your opinion a thousand times, one formed by feels instead of facts.
Just keep going on and on about it.
Your negativity sucks ass.
El Sal is what we have to work with, no need to get so uptight about it.
That is all.

Hippy

Confuscious

@TheRealJackMeoff

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

deeks

I think it’s junta roca yeah?

Happy Camper

OUCH!, the Alanis smack. BRUTAL!!!
ole’ mate of mine (RIP) used to play drums for her.
told me he was lucky he didn’t have a gun because every time he worked with her was so depressing he felt like shooting himself.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Seriously you think that was a smackdown?
You are slippin.
THIS is a smackdown….
https://youtu.be/JrBcYb3fH6E?si=aCKLPMM63SSEjmLf

Happy Camper

sorry mate, Alanis is the ultimate whiney, cringe whiner, whiney chick.

@TheRealJackMeoff

That must be why he likes her.

Hippy

more than Taylor Swift?

Happy Camper

dunno, never heard a Taylor Swift song.

Pauly Matt War-Shore

Alanis is worse

Strayan Cunt

Da Man is on me tail hahaha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oghP0UJFjrM

deeks

Session muso life is not all fun I bet

Happy Camper

from what I’ve been told, the worst thing about being a session muso, is ego’d out leads who’ve made it on hype telling actual musicians how to do their jobs…..and engineers who are always grumpy.

Chief Hot stuff

Taylor Hawkins?

Happy Camper

yup.

Strayan Cunt

Na mate this is how ya properly rip into someone. As a Strayan wog cunt I used to love blasting this hahahaha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=a9EifkF-97Q&list=RD2PqQW6Vq4ic&index=2

@TheRealJackMeoff
Strayan Cunt

Hahahaha yeh I love it and after relistening this is my perfect theme tune cuz I fucking hate being told what to think or how to act hahahah

Strayan Cunt

Is the brown, sludge water pro finishing up tonight mate cuz if it is I will set me alarm for 3am and get up and watch the semis and final? Barely watched a second of this event cuz of the time difference but my take is if Ethan, Felipe and others are getting knocked early with a pumping forecast at a right point then there must be something fundamentally wrong with the wave. Like I said I have two good mates who fucking rip who have been there and couldn’t stand the joint. That said some cunts on here were actually complaining about Snapper so I guess everyone just loves a whinge hahahaha

@TheRealJackMeoff

Maybe your mates don’t rip as hard as you think they do?
I find many aussies don’t like places they have to play second fiddle at….only the legit corelords and they ain’t the ones crying.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Here comes the triggered response🤣
I take ot back that was pretty measured.

Strayan Cunt

Like I said I have no skin in this game cuz I have barely watched a heat hahahaha

@TheRealJackMeoff

Sleep well mate, I’ll give you the cry free unbiased report when you wake up.

Strayan Cunt

Is it going to be on cuz if it is like I said I will get up at 3 cuz I genuinely love comp surfing on finals day despite the conditions

@TheRealJackMeoff

Most likely.

Strayan Cunt

Alarm set and hopefully a pic of me wankerchief will be making an appearance in the live chat hahahaha

deeks

Fuck ! I don’t know whether to stay up and drink piss all night…or stay up and drink piss all night

Strayan Cunt

Well mate one of them with the initials MC was actually on the tour at one point hahaha

@TheRealJackMeoff

Mick Campbell?….
wasn’t that like in the 60’s?

Strayan Cunt

Hahahaha the Ginger Ninja aint from these parts mate

BograilCutback

When is your mate gonna invite you to Abu Dhabi… or is he back in Aus?

Strayan Cunt

Been invited but politely turned it down mate. Mitch is loving it over there though, well I think he loves all the coin hes making haha

BograilCutback

Fun gig!

Strayan Cunt

He gets really over it at times but the money is insane

deeks

I don’t mind playing second fiddle at the knock shop. If they’re both into it

@TheRealJackMeoff

True dat.

Strayan Cunt

Astro when ya see this can ya put up that Negapet photo cuz Mini is here tonight so she will get it up as me avi, cheers mate

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

https://uploads.disquscdn.c… I’m sorry,but I don’t think your balls will grow back ever again.

The moderator has them in a jar somewhere

Strayan Cunt

Mini just got here so here we go hahahaha

deeks

So cute

Jack John Johnson

Just flew from Denver to LA. While flying over the Grand CanyonI listened to David Lee Scales interviewing Dan Mann. What an awesome time to be a surfer.

Barnycle

Thanks for the recco. I just watched the first half of it. Will watch the rest later.

It’s like the age of information has finally slammed right into the surf industry since the post-Covid era.

Jack John Johnson

Something in the ether for sure.

Andy C
Andy C

1.27, and the full comment was:

I’d like it better if his name wasn’t Creed or Nickelback or some gay shit like that

Strayan Cunt

Hhahaahhahaah I remember watching that

Strayan Cunt

This evening, are you a seppo mate? No dramas cuz like the saying goes, Theres two types of cunts on this planet, Strayan cunts and cunts who want to be Strayan hahaha yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

I am a Crayfish Popsicle
Andy C

Looks like Jordy Smith

Strayan Cunt

I though it was Maui from the Moana movie

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

He woulda been perfect

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

haha

In all seriousness, some people have genetic, health, medical, over eating, swallowed too much sea water issues.

He had fun

Fuckn legend.

Compared to all these Billionaire lizards reaching for their “Eternal Life”

Strayan Cunt

I reckon the cunt would have loved the snack packs from the Palmy kebab joint

Andy C
Strayan Cunt

Is that Ditch the Saladbar?

Andy C

JMD

Strayan Cunt

I find it nerve wracking and am constantly on edge in case some cunt is nasty to me or says something I don’t agree with. I may have to block everyone

Strayan Cunt

Friday knock off and just punched a VB longneck on the drive home so who’s up for talking some smack ya bunch of cunts. Did the Ear Infection Pro finish yet? Who won and how many dead bodies were floating in the lineup?

Andy C

Word on the street Jess is taking five the hard way at the moment

deeks

Pretty sure there’s a few yank Rolf harrises roaming the beach down there. As for the contest…it’s like Tyler has been sitting out the back for days…oozing

Andy C

Pedo central

Gil Gunderson

Jet lag is real. Got in late last night. Totally have zero motivation to “work” today. Cry is free.

Andy C

I’ll make you skip, cunt

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Didn’t you hear?

Dognuts is the new Mod

Bum Fingering was always fine……

Don’t get too close.

Andy C

Stop it

Strayan Cunt

We need a Strayan in charge of this joint. Remember how good the Strayan run tour was and then the Weird Seppo Leghumpers got it and turned it into some sort of progressive, feminine freak show. Soft cunts couldn’t organise a root in a whore house ay

Andy C

Yeah the school shooters always end up fucked in the head

Strayan Cunt

Cuz most of em are fake Christians who have thing for young girls or boys

Andy C

Yeah all the Hawaiian’s love Jebus cock

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

The only reason you are still alive is because of the OG Strayan Cunt

Respect to Derek Rielly

And he is in charge of this joint

Strayan Cunt

Derek Reilly has my complete and utter love and respect and like you point out is a fucking sick cunt who genuinely loves laughing and freedom of speech. He truly is a great Strayan

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Derek and co, created this space, and he still stands by it in 2026.

I reckon we should all respect it.

Dunno how though

Some idiots have already gone to posting their own Poo pics within just a couple of days..

Maybe there are some Nutritionists on the site?

Strayan Cunt

He is also a very clever switched on fella cuz only speaking for myself it seems heaps friendly and open in here now and nobody is falling out or being a proper cunt. Number of comments are also up and cunts seem to be enjoying it?

@TheRealJackMeoff

The number of comments doesn’t mean shit.
You count for 25% of the comments, I count for another 25%, and hippy counts for yet another 25%….
take us 3 out and it would be crickets around here.

Strayan Cunt

Hahahaha I know what you’re saying brother but surely ya notice more freedom and interaction from others and we have not even had a proper article yet? Now you have posted a pic of your morning poo when Mini shows me how I am gunna post up a pic of one of me wankerchiefs, clean and washed obviously haha

Happy Camper

ohhhhhh-kay Sasha.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Aussies thinking tgey should be in charge is a joke.
Your boys PT and Ian were the ones responsible for where we are today. Never forget that.
I say let Fernando run it.

Strayan Cunt

I fucking love Dogsnuts, he is such a cute and sweet fella I just wanna give him a big cuddle. Would never bend over in front of the cunt though haha

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

he is in FRANCE!

I wanna get my relies a send out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbZvScrTYVA

Strayan Cunt

Hahahahahahahahaa

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

We need an N word! I asked AI

The Nullarboring is a cunt stretching across roughly 1,200 braincells in Southern Australia, connecting Ceduna with the Norseman in Western Australia for a root.

Its name derives from the Latin “nulla arbor” (no trees), which basically means for any cunts?

“‘NO ROOTS”

deeks
I am a Crayfish Popsicle

I said an “N” word.

Not “THE” N word FFS

Are you tyring to get us all banned?

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Maybe we do need a moderator?

How many of you sick cunts, stuffed your gobs with Mexican food, ready to take a pic for the live chat…..

deeks

Haha making dogsy earn his crust

I am a Crayfish Popsicle
I am a Crayfish Popsicle

What is funny, is some people think cunts like Strayan are putting it on.

It is just how Aussies are?

It also allows us to sometimes say what we really think, then end with “hahah, you know I was just Joking ahaha”

Andy C

no sadly

Happy Camper

one of the best


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