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Naked train surfing: How the west was won.
Naked train surfing: How the west was won.

Arizona man becomes instant American Tall Tale after surfing naked on a train

"Daniel expressed his love of vodka, beer and playing the banjo."

When I was a boy, nothing quite got my juices running like American tall tales. Bigger than life heroes who carved rivers with axes, smashed modern technology with bare hands, lassoed tornados etc. John Henry the steel drivin’ man, Pecos Bill, Paul Bunyan and his blue ox Babe, the peace lovin’ Johnny Appleseed, Davey Crockett etc. My folks must have had a record that told their stories, or some such, and I could not get enough and counted each a true hero.

As one ages, though, child-like awe and belief in mythical feats unfortunately recedes and we are left with boring old plausibility.

Boo.

Well, a bigger than life champion has just popped on the scene to renew our belief in anything being possible once more and let me introduce Daniel Ray Ballance from Quartzite, Arizona who was arrested yesterday for breaking a window on a Union Pacific Railroad locomotive, climbing inside, continuing to the roof wherein he surfed naked, the sheriff’s office releasing a statement reading:

For those of you who had the unfortunate experience of seeing this gentleman surfing naked on top of a moving locomotive yesterday, I want you to know that he was arrested on felony and misdemeanor charges.

The arresting officer shared that Daniel, “expressed his love of vodka, beer and playing the banjo. Unfortunately, we had to separate him from those loves and the train ride.”

I mean, seriously, the naked vodka swillin’ banjo playin’ man who surfs naked on trains with the last name Ballance?

I believe once again!

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deeks

Awww pooncy

Chief Hot stuff

Leftys love it

Chief Hot stuff

Islam is the curse.
Chinese and SE asians, no probs

deeks

If the location is a pointy spike and the travels is it driving through your anus up into your throat then yeah !

Strayan Cunt

It would be fair to say I take a few digs at me dear American mates on here but judging by this ad by Pauline Hanson to show what to expect if she becomes PM we maybe heading for a little strife ourselves down here soon hahaha

Barnycle

You’ve only been throwing stones from a glass house, though. As do we all.

I’m an aussiephile. Fuckin love so many aspects of the country. But the behaviour of the politicians, and many of the sheeplike citizens, over the last 30 years has been disappointing. They’ve taken a massive crap, economically, on the concept of the “fair go”. The “third-way” of Bob Hawke led to straight into neoliberal policies that only served to funnel money, and power, from the working class to the political class.

And almost every country has done the same, so I’m not only ripping on aus. But you’ll were a step ahead of the game for a long while with “mateship”, fair wages and a disgust of putting people on a pedestal. Only to allow the political class to distract you with pop stars, tv starlets and shit haircuts.

I hope you’ll can find your own Zohran Mamdani type political figure who can help fight those witches and protect the everyday person from the economic policies that make them a little bit poorer every year. I wish you guys the best because you’ll were aiming for something very special, as a society, not that long ago …or at least that was the narrative that we got from the international media.

Props to the government for creating a policy that made using property as an investment a bit less of a lucrative investment. That was a smart move, and coincidentally has also taken part around here as well. Sucks for property owners as they’ve been great investments, but now people need actual homes to live in so they need to find a new way to double their savings. I say none of his to offend or disparage anyone.

Blowin

Australia is in a gnarly position whereby global capital has convinced otherwise smart Australians that to refute an open borders economy is racist and evil.

The whole concept is to flood the zone with people from cultures that don’t unionise, will undermine each other in the labour market and have no concept of the the collective obligations required to sustain our egalitarian working man’s utopia. Unfortunately the propaganda needed to push this shit has been thick, fast and unrelenting.

So now we’ve got all kinds of wombats weeping if there’s any push back against defending the society we built so diligently from the ground up. It’s an ironic ruse that those who have the least to gain have been brainwashed into becoming the loudest voices decrying any who understand what we are losing.

Turkeys voting for Christmas.

deeks

Best comment of yours in ages as far as I’m concerned. (Admittedly I don’t read all coz I’m a lazy cunt)

Barnycle

Ohhhh, boy. We have some saucy news coming from BG about our Indo-Hawaiian princess soon.

I know that BG won’t rush it, so that he can get the story just right

The Tate surfing in Miami story can wait another day.

Blowin

Which region?

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Where are you located Pinchy, and what is the continued purpose of your continued Denigration and Diarrhea?

Look man, you could save everyone a lot of your trolling time.

Hang out, instead of being a Dickhead

You must be lonely

@TheRealJackMeoff

I kind of think of you as an Indian psych student working on your thesis.
Apu gives me a lead….

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

3 words or less

hahah

“Fuck OFF DICKHEAD”

Stop being a racist fuckwit loser and maybe people will even read your loose shit, that we call Diarrhea

Strayan Cunt

Only if you’re off to Mars and staying there dickhead

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Why?

Is this your highlight of the day?

What is it you get out of it?

Strayan Cunt

Hey gang just wondering how many of yous “block” other people on here? I have one person block me but don’t do it myself cuz it just doesn’t sit right with me for a few different reasons. Truly not trying to cause anymore aggro on here I was just just interested by the ratios and numbers so please nobody get their knickers in a twist xx

Mapski

BLOCKED!!!

Strayan Cunt

Hahahaha Are you a blocker mate?

Mapski

No, I can barely figure out my twenty year old flip phone.

Hippy

Lost your testosterone too…. condolences

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

I got blocked by Skippy

During the NEG WARS

Strayan Cunt

Thats who’s blocking me bless her xx

Sofa Surfer

I blocked Otto for a while. When I couldn’t remember why, I unblocked him. At this point, I’d probably only block someone if they were targeting me for some reason.

Strayan Cunt

I was just considering blocking Pinchy cuz having a daughter who is a small part African and reading his racist shit gets me pretty close to my breaking point as you can imagine !!

BograilCutback

It’s so freeing.

Sofa Surfer

Yeah, understandable. I’m just ignoring it.

Strayan Cunt

Same

Barnycle

One of the best parts of these last 15 months has been seeing these maga fucks lose their certainty, and their willingness to debate all comers about Dump’s foolish behaviour and policy.

Their boy became a big, fat, smelly, shit stain and they know it.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Like the clown up above?⬆️

@TheRealJackMeoff

No one is really blocked.
Simply logging off shows all, so a block is really more of a fuck you.
You can see who is more butthurt by it than the others, but in the end is more of a game thing.
If you really hate someone, tell them so. Much more real.
Funny how you retreat when shit gets real, my call is to let the hate flow, Anger, dialogue, and moving on a classic BG thing….

Sofa Surfer

That’s the other reason I don’t bother with blocking anymore – it isn’t a real block.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Yeah pretty much useless.
More a statement than a functional tool.

Hippy

for clowns

And you’re the ring leader

Strayan Cunt

I don’t know what you mean about retreating Jack with my history on here mate hahaha. To be honest nobody on here gets me wound up enough to fully lose it, mainly a bunch of legends who like to chat surfing and heaps of other shit that I enjoy

@TheRealJackMeoff

Yeah sure….
All good mate I enjoy what you bring to the table.
As I said before this is a real time version of anarchy, getting past group think and peer reviews is what makes this thing real.

Hippy

Does anarchy block?

Answer, no

@TheRealJackMeoff

Anarchy has no order or silly sets of norms.
Here maybe this will help…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

I love your comments mate,

Like 99% of everyone else here

The Grouch is fuckn awesome

@TheRealJackMeoff

We are all just organic matter wanting to be heard.
I am glad I get to hear your points of view….

Hippy

pussy move, game player

and yet, you’re still trying to rationalize it and your explanations never resonate

@TheRealJackMeoff

Butthurt much?

Hippy

No, Mr Block

You keep playing games

Like Trump trying to sell wars or stolen elections

@TheRealJackMeoff

Totally butthurt…
Gametime long over with you.

Barnycle

Use your brain, mate . You get to curate your online spaces as you please.

It doesn’t make you special to say that you open yourself to the wills or intentions of the entire internet.

Many people use forums as a break from negativity and may curate certain ones to be uplifting spaces in their life. Block away …..or don’t. This place has sunk to an absurd low now anyway.

Strayan Cunt

Never said I was special and was just politely asking the other members of our family down here if they blocked others

Beef & Beer

I’ve been blocked by JSC for aaaaages, he seems to be a dick so I don’t care.
Just blocked Pinchy myself cos he seems to be a real proper dickhead.
Do you know his old name ?
(some of the others seem to but I haven’t heard)

A pain in the arse on both accounts cos ya can still see ‘content unavailable’ on their obviously stupid comments, not ideal…

deeks

Ya don’t have to block. Just hit the minus thingy

Blowin

I’m blocked too.
He’s a fragile, brittle old fool.

Blowin

Me no blocky blocky.

You never know when that absolute flog might have an interesting perspective.

Hippy

It’s an opinion medium, blocking is rejection of freedom of speech

Insecure fucks block because they can’t debate….

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

or they lose their rag

@TheRealJackMeoff

“Blocking is a rejection of freedom of speech”

That is seriously the dumbest shit I ever heard.
Like somehow a block is supressing your free speech.

You are free to say whatever you want, and everyond else is free to take it or leave it.

And you call yourself an intellectual….

Capt Sensible

I once in a drunken rage blocked myself , does that count.

Phil's Wart

Yes

Barnycle

This just got uploaded to YouTube. I haven’t watched it yet, but I will sometime this week. I think that we’ll see that even the official Dream Tour era had terrible waves, although it’s possible that 1998 (Kelly’s 6th) was a particularly bad year. Kelly vs Danny vs Mick vs Sunny. The best in the world battling away in 2ft beachies that the current crop would refuse to paddle out in.

https://youtu.be/upKDOvyHFic?si=sOEu4XXifN3nrTmi

BograilCutback

thank you for your service

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

1998 was not Dream Tour mate.

Barnycle

I stand corrected. Rabbit was appointed at the end of the season and it became the Dream Tour the following year; and it would have taken him a couple of years to truly make it as such.

1999
“The ASP first called the tour the Dream Tour in 1999. This nickname was introduced by the newly appointed boss of the ASP, Rabbit Bartholomew, to highlight the tour’s focus on showcasing the best surfers and waves” – EOS

Hippy

You’re buying into the “dream tour” that was replaced by the WSL?

Hippy

Not close

Blowin

Hey mate, have you seen this one?

Beautiful little flick that perfectly encapsulates winter on the Nth East surf Coast of NSW. This is our day to day surf scene.

BograilCutback

Those waves are begging to be surfed.

May all ethnics of all stripes be happy and free in the sea, namaste.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

Thats me mate Tommy, film made by my mate Macky

He surfs so smooth eh.

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

How are you Pinchy?

Remember it is almost time for Church

You can repent your sins

Jack John Johnson

It’s OK. They pinch this salt.

BograilCutback

50/50 make rate on the switch foot chronicles today. First go pretty good. 3 rides all the way to the beach, some fun pocket rides. Some solid spills, full beginner moments. Will be surfing like Italo in no time.

Strayan Cunt

You can’t have looked any worse than Wigs Junior yesty bruz

Mapski

Would make a great navy signalman.

BograilCutback

Really bad that hey

Watching the France England highlights, seeing France get smeared is almost as satisfying as having seen England get worked by Argentina. That third goal the poms got on France was humiliating.

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Keep us updated man

Switch is so important in every aspect of life

Try windsurfing without being able to go the other way, and you are lost at sea.

One side will always be dominant, but it is all in your head at the end of the day.

Start by brushing your teeth with the “Other Side”

The DARK SIDE

The “Goofy” Side

BograilCutback

Screwfoot chronicles!!’

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Fuck yeah man

You have to rewire your brain too, and it is hard work for sure.

Everyone should become Ambidextrous today

BograilCutback

Dale Dobson was one of the best

But have you seen Kai lately?

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Dude, I think it may become the next criteria for judging. Switching between the two

BograilCutback

Would be nuts. Other board sports do…

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

EXACTLY!

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Lefts/rights blah blah don’t matter

Ambi…

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

Kai is balanced…..

Can ride either way….

He put the work in to rewire his brain

Jack John Johnson

Why hasn’t Italo done a standing El Rollo yet? Hopefully Super El Niño will produce this in the next 6 months.

Blowin

It’s coming at Cloud 9

Jack John Johnson

He’d need to do it backhand but in a Super El Niño year anything is possible.

Blowin

I think backhand would be easier.

If easier is an appropriate term for any part of an el rollo.

Jack John Johnson

Like his first wave at The Box only a complete circle in the suckup foam ball part landed.

BograilCutback

An adult learner in college told me he saw Alex knost do an el roll at Rincon and I wanted to kick him in the head.

Blowin

Reflex action

BograilCutback

Primordial violence

Strayan Cunt

This England v France game is fucking mental!!!!

Rich Marx

Third place finish is finally coming home.

Strayan Cunt

Haha The poms will be over the moon bless em

BograilCutback

That’s cute

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

They shoulda just taken turns kicking a goal each from centre every time.

They couldn’t give a fuck

Strayan Cunt

All kicking off on the other thread. Pinchy getting racist with Brutus, Brutus and Blowin carrying on at each other again, JSC making me confused if I’m even Strayan and he now even has is own fan who has started an account with the name JSC is a cunt hahahahahaha. Why can’t we all just get along and stick to ripping into the Seppos and Kiwis hahaha

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

I asked JSC not long ago, what am I then?

It is a very weird topic, because the only people that seem to give a shit, are racist themselves

And then RELIGION comes into it too.

Sorry, but you are all using Smartphones now, and GOD did not bring you these devices, or should I say VICES

Strayan Cunt

Even reading the convo down there gave me a headache but they seem to be having a grand old time haha

BograilCutback

They’re really having a nice big circle jerk doing their semantic gymnastics. I’m here for it, and in case you were wondering JSC is a bellend. Cheers xx

Strayan Cunt

Hahahaha, I fucking love how someone despises him that much they have called themselves JSC is a cunt hahahahahaahahaha

BograilCutback

Committed to the drop

Sofa Surfer

I’m no expert, but judging by your vernacular, you are definitely an Australian.

Strayan Cunt

Hahaha thanks mate but reading the goings on down in that chat I’m not so sure anymore!!!

Sofa Surfer

I went back and forth in my own mind about who I think is right. Then I gave up. I can have circular arguments with my own family members!!

ricmatic

he’s a binary aussie

I am a Crayfish Popsicle

I have no problem with anyone saying anything, Free speech and all.

And I won’t block.

But for fucks sake have some fucking “DECORUM on a surfing fucking FORUM”

It is not hard, ya fuckn retard

Sofa Surfer

Poetic

BograilCutback

We can be your sacrificial lamb.

Don’t worry you’re a true blue Aussie my little SCunt.

Sean Connery

Yep. English at a level 6, cant stop telling you how good looking he is, can’t not tell you about a session where he got good waves, cunt somewhere in every sentence, voice gets louder like its on a dial based off how many beers hes had. True blue Aussie.

BograilCutback

Your explication… needs no notes.

Strayan Cunt

Hahahahahahahaha Right fuck you Bond ya cunt, I’m taking it up another level!!

Jack John Johnson

Like Cal Robson Project 06 level?

@TheRealJackMeoff

Stop ripping into seppos and kiwis and start ripping in to existence. Plenty of shit to go with….

Strayan Cunt

I am only joking mate. There is already enough anger on this site

@TheRealJackMeoff

All good SC, you are the real you….

Strayan Cunt

Cheers brothers, what you see is what you get with this cunt!!

Hippy

Pfffft

Hippy

why you cucking Scunt?

Hippy

block him clown

he won’t block you because he isn’t a pussy

Gwen Walz’s Eyes

Can someone please update me on this Hippy v Jack meoff feud? Don’t get me wrong I love a solid Hippy bashing but this seems to be next level

@TheRealJackMeoff

I moved on a long time ago but someone must have had a bad day planning weddings and can’t let it go.

Mapski

Get a moderator up in here. Some of the BS being posted has me thinking Cavvy was charming.

Strayan Cunt

Not a fan of all the racist memes mate? I just ignore the vile cunt but I think a few of the boys have blocked him which is highly tempting

BigD

Get a backbone and harden up, young cunts these days just cry to easy. hahahaha blocking.

Barnycle

Nothing special, but just Dave from Pro Surf Media giving some background journalism on the addition of the Philippines to the tour later this year

Barnycle

….and a little bit of humour from one of the more loveable nations on this beautiful earth.

Barnycle

The Santa Cruz lighthouse / Surf Museum

@TheRealJackMeoff

Why this hasn’t been used in a cloud 9 edit is beyond me… https://youtu.be/wESgcExetso?si=e5ZjjfVJZvYBkQzo


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