"That's why we've all become low-key Kelly haters. We can't stop getting mad at him because he always cuts in front of the line."
Shortly, two weeks or thereabouts, Kelly Slater, who is fifty-four, will appear at the Outerknown Tahiti Pro, which is being held at Teahupoo, and which is sponsored by Kelly Slater’s sustainable clothing brand Outerknown.
Per tradition, the branding sponsor gets a couple of wildcards to appear in the event and is usually a chance to showcase bright young talent.
Think: teenage Joel Parkinson at J-Bay.
Kelly Slater, however, will spearhead the brand’s wildcard program, something which excites me, but I old and have never stopped lovin’ the old man, although others are less thrilled.
Sterling Spencer and his lez cuz Ryan, in particular, have made terrific sport with the news.
Sterling,
Why does he get to surf like that and not have to work for it anymore? He’s not even on tour…I think that’s why we’ve all become low-key Kelly haters. We don’t want to — we love Kelly, we adore Kelly — but we can’t stop getting mad at him because he always cuts in front of the line.
One surf fan, boiling with fury, wrote:
“You Kelly sycophants are laughable. Yeah, he’s a great surfer for sure. Super dedicated and all that stuff but he’s a cash-grab artist ripping off surfers. An you idiots seem to think that that’s ok. Fine cool go buy your whatever $220 shirts and $160 shorts. Everyone knows Machado is a better surfer anyway.”
Question: do you think $160 is a fair price for a pair of shorts, and $220 for a shirt?
I’m not sure if angry surf fan means they cost too much or too little.
The last pair of trunks I bought, for example, retailed at $880, full price, although I played a long game and paid, via third party sale, $332.
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“Thank you for your attention to the matter…”
and dat goes for the rest of the news from left-handed media outlets. never tried switching stances~
Everything in life has a price , you just have to find a range that you can afford.
For all of you that can surf switch stance… pretty natural for you to do or did you intentionally try and learn on a bigger board. Not all of us are so athletically gifted. Surfing has gotten very boring here.
Definitely not equally yoked on either foot but can .
For better switch stance technique start by using the other hand…
Learnt on a regular board appropriate for the wave. Anyone can do it. Just determination and practice. Super rewarding….particularly if your backhand tube technique is sub par.
I felt like this was gonna be a response. Ever time I go to stand it feels fucking impossible lol. Have thought to overcorrect on a big board and then scale back.
Whatever gets you over the line.
It’s hard but very worthwhile. It forces you to utilise parts of the brain that basically lay dormant. Creates new neural pathways. And I resets the baseline of expectation and joy in your surfing.
Look at the mindless, gurning joy on the faces of a beginner when they wobble towards shore on ankle high whitewash. It’s all new sensation and unbridled feeling of achievement. As you get more experienced as a surfer, the ability to achieve gets greater but the returns are diminishing. No one is as stoked on their 1000th clean cutback as they are on their first. Learning switch is to go back to the era when every day is a potential new milestone unlocked.
If you are having a shocker just go switch to lighten the mood.
Smiles for miles.
That’s the idea. I still have ways I could improve but the opportunity/ceiling is low in California. El Niño will change that. But in those doldrums stretches in between it would be great to experience something different.
Tis you or our longtom?
In the vein of Dez… look at that supple constitution!
Pretty sure Longtom only wears camouflage boardies.
I’ve heard it allows him to discreetly assess your every move out Lennox Point from a hidden vantage in a pandanus palm. Like a cross between The Predator and Kong in his cream puff tree.
my whole game is predicated on stealth
You need to go full dark. The surfer’s equivalent of a girl’s best friend …the Little Black Dress.
These things got you covered from the sports bar to the red carpet and everything in between.
Buy timeless classics and accessorise with the season etc
$332 for a pair of trunks?
Were they Sasha Jane’s?
How about Kelly you stay out of this event and you and Machado due a little legends surf heat during to settle the old score.
put Kalani Robb in there FTW!
I can’t believe I have to root for Spain in a World Cup final. This is a fucking outrage.
I have rooted heaps worse.
Xox
This final is my fantasy how dare you. You should be so lucky.
Seeing France and England get smoked was *chef’s kiss*
I went to surf today and it was miserable shit. I remembered your words about not surfing that shit and I’m better for it.
It’s so freeing
In Oz slang ” root ” means to fuck.
you ever been rooted in the trunk?
Steamer or call ?
I know but I’m not Australian
Consider youre self lucky , because apprently most ozzies are all white racist homophobic anti women jew killing surf nazies, and then there are some real cunts.
Why no Argentina? Messi seems like nice man.
This is confusing
Jbay is too expensive to run, but the QS can afford Ballito?
Hahaha yeah hey. Shark boat must blow it out.
Xox
I don’t feel the need for signature boardies to get in a few good turns. Last pair of ” cool ” trunks I had were A.I. Billy Wong. Black and yellow which I got at Salvation Army second hand store. Jimmy Slades brand is , IMO, overated…jjf as well. Corporate slay. No thanks.
Ok what ya running sound wise through a contest. I got a laney into a jbl big speaker with tool going. Fuck joe
Coffee!
Found a pair I liked. Waited till they came on sale and bought ten pairs for $200.
All black. Super stretchy. Quick dry.
Never again have to think about which shorts to wear. A few years old and still going strong.
One pair dedicated surf shorts as the arse gets covered in wax. Job done.
Found a style I liked . All black. Quick dry, super stretch, Extra comfy.
Waited till they went on sale and got ten pairs for $200. Never have to think about which shorts to wear. Keep it simple.
Dedicated one pair for surfing because the arse gets covered in wax. Had them for a few years now. Job done.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Weird shit…mate
Marked as spam?!?
Discus deleted it.
Make a new password hey. Coz that’s abnormal
Strange
Edit ….its gone again
3 for $20 off Temu- same cut as Florence, no camo.
Still hating the Florence ones I got, I thought they might wear in or something but they’re so heavy and uncomfortable. I got a pair of heavy press boardies for free through boardriders and they’re ten times comfier
one pair of Florence boardies , don’t love ’em
Good info. That was gonna be my next pair.
they’re not terrible , just something about them doesn’t hit right — they’re in that laundry day category for me , basically only wear them as a last resort
How’s the durability? They comfortable?
$7 Boardshorts makes me think it’s time to restock
they got pockets, used for fishing and general purpose wear.
bought a rip curl pair on sale over Jan for surfing.
I swear Kelly has a mental illness. I mean he changed surfing but so did Nat Young and Gerry Lopez, and we didn’t see them sponsoring events at age 54 just so they had one last shot at fairytale ending.
I mean he had his chance at age 49 when he won pipe. But no, he had to milk that injury wildcard so that he could make the Olympics and then bow out with a Gold Medal. Too bad he fucked that up because frankly, he was past it.
The weird thing is just how many people hang on his every word. At age 54 I didn’t give a fuck what Nat Young was saying because I thought he was a fucking tool even if he did surf good once upon a time.
I’m optimistic…I reckon he’ll work it out by about age 72
at whick point his son tao will be gifted an ‘offspring’ ticket ’cause he’ll own O-Known.
Some feel the same about Slater.
After the recent disputes around here, how about a quiz ?
This week on “WHO’S WHO ?”
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hint : They’re all (former or current)
Pro-surfers
WSL employees
BG owners, writers, moderators and commenters…
Hahahaahhahaha. Is number 5 Gwen? Number 2 has to be either Chas or Pauline?
I’m a pretty good looking bloke actually.
Btw Ballito is on day 4 of a fairly magic run. Cole just won his heat to make the quarters and we have Jackson bunch coming up then Dane Henry.
Better than any ct comp this year except snapper
if you like closeouts sure.
Lets be honest, this is getting about 50% of the available surfing out of these guys.
Today maybe. Tons of great surfing the past few days.
Jackson bunch is my pick
Jackson into the quarters! Dane next
Jackson is a gun
The guy won back to back qs events in Tahiti then a talent packed comp at Bowls in 6’ south shore perfection.
To make it 4 in a row, in the first challenger of the year, would… dare say it… put this in sniffing range of Curren winning title from the trials?
Sawyers bro in front!!
he’s good- first time I’ve seen him surf
Yeah he surfed a great heat. Waves are way off from previous days.
This is why I love ya Gwen, you are sensible enough to understand banter you sexy little minx. And yeh cheers bruz I am excited to watch Dane again
Its nice to see someone excited about pro surfing.
So it is CT worthy? Confused.
Xox
No.
No 3 would be Party Pete
I didnt know you could buy trunks seperate from the car
No wreckers yards near you ?
Not anymore, used to b heaps
Have to pay to get into the closest one to me. 2 fiddy !!
Strayans calling boardies trunks is a pet hate of mine and it fucking shits me to tears for some reason haha
Yeah, why trunks?
Truncated long pants?
It’s just what the seppos call em for some reason and now its appearing over here. Maybe the deranged septic cunts reckon they’re packing elephant trunks down the front of theirs?
BigD packs a six pack in me sex pack. hahahaha.
Its funny. You guys talk a lot of crap about the good old USA but in in reality you all want to move here. First off ya can’t get enough of the cheap booze. When you guys see an actual handle of Jim Beam in a rite aid (RIP) at wholesale prices your like moths to a flame. Taco bell is like your lord and savior but if you see a bunch of ozzies in a booth most of taco ends up on the table or the floor. And don’t get me started on amusement parks. Its like ya never seen a rollercoaster before. But if all else fails and you can’t hack it in the greatest country on planet earth ya go back with your heads down and introduce our lingo like trunks to your mates and its like a wildfare that engulfs the rest of country. PS.. Everyone over here thinks the mad hueys are a bunch of wankers and wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that garbage……. or drinking beer out of an old shoe.
Oof
Scathing.
True about the rollercoasters hahahaha
Its all true bogs!
Mad Hueys is the lamest vibe ever xx imagine them trying to eat a Crunchwrap supreme
It’d be tough with a go-pro mouth mount!
Hahahahahahaha kin oath
Pure distilled Gold Coast.
no notes
Hahahaha. So let me get this straight Bond, the only things worth claiming over there are Mexican food, rollercoasters and cheap piss? You can have em cunt and I will struggle away down here with pumping waves, warm pristine water, perfect sub tropical climate……haha yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
Mate. This was just a small microcosm. I don’t like writing novels because peoples eyes glaze over. Now get out there and enjoy one of your favorite past times….Hangin in the back of Brenno’s mad hueys van.
Hahaha You know what’s funny is I bumped into Brenno and Dean Hazza the other day when I was getting smoko in Cooley Lovely pair of fellas xx
I surfed D-bah with those guys and Brent Dorrington, once. They stalked me and my mate around the line-up, burning us on every wave we went for, no mater where, or how shit it was. Trying to spark a fight, no doubt. It was winter and we were in trunks, also resplendent with our kiwi tans, so probably fair.
And you’d probably fuck up the punctuation.
Just to piss you off Michael.
*and those goddam sharks!
Psssssssst don’t mention the sharks!!
Don’t you have easy birds, as well? Or, was that another time?
It’s a sickness…like drinking coke with no alcohol in it. In it
Hahaha
Haha fuck hey.
Xox
You’re welcome
Fuck, you still running those D and G shorts?
Long gone! These were a delightful powder blue Versace pair, 14 inch on the leg, pink ice cream logo.
Trans flag thigh burners.
Smashing!
Oh you should see in the wild!