"Today, I took my Toyota Tacoma to Jiffy Lube and they have a new check-in policy."
As a man, I choose to drive a Toyota Tacoma. 4×4 double cab. I California coastal Uber part-time, at times, and take it off-road into the California mountains sometimes. Of course, I have a slightly raised camper shell with roof racks, roof rack pads, and a 5’6 Christensen fish bungeed to the inner roof of the shell with zero stickers on board or truck (insert surfing’s vocal overdub version of a Will Arnett car commercial. Morgan Masassaanan perhaps).
Today, I took my Toyota Tacoma to Jiffy Lube and they have a new check-in policy. They hand you a card so you can use your phones’ camera to order what you need and Yahweh knows I need my surf vehicle to be functioning and solid.
My I-“Phone” currently works well so I clicked the Jiffy Lube link and followed the directions. Oil change, tire rotation, and a discounted high-mileage engine treatment for first time usage of the new system.
Fantastic!
After completing my vehicles’ needs, I’m then messaged to turn on my hazard lights and a Jiffy Lube “technician” will be there see me shortly. All buttons pushed, actions hopefully activated.
It worked!
Upon exiting my 4×4 Toyota Tacoma that was recently resting on the crowdless summer backside of Yosemite (insert Will Arnett/Morgan Massaannnn voice again) I was told by the Jiffy Lube “technician” that I will be sent a “4 Character Code” via text that will allow me to validate and officially drop off my vehicle for basic services so I can get back to surfing worse than the day before ASAP.
I received the code. It reads FUCX. I showed the “technician” who was quick to snap a photo from his phone off my phone for the manager and staff and a chuckle. He then quickly became apologetic to which I replied “This happened to the correct person. All good.” I then headed solo to the next door taco shop where I was laughing while stressing over something else that potentially needed fixing on one’s vehicle as one does when waiting for a diagnosis.
After about an hour my surf vehicle is ready to depart Jiffy Lube. 5’6 Christensen cleanly tucked in a CI boardbag bungeed to the inner roof of the shell, wetsuits, towel, finkey, wax all intact when I’m told there’s a leak in my windshield wiper fluid system.
I replied, “There sure is. I’m FUCX”.
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It is a great story. Toyota’s are great cars, and they never need even a single oil change over the lifetime of the product. It is all lies.
I wonder what Luana thinks about “Code Words” she is probably too focused on her world title.
In Australia we don’t ever change engine oil.
We just top it up , which over time, eventually changes the oil on it’s own.
The rest of the car is cooked before the engine if you buy the right brand
I am totally shocked there are not over 47 cars also piled up behind it.
But upon further thought, it did not happen in the USA
Don’t give anyone any ideas
They’re mongs yeah?
He was recently in Morrocco, pedo haven.
He’s a loving father and not Epstein in New Mexico.
Hes something
It’s a fine and worthy balance of surfing and literature.
I never judge a book by its cover, unless its a charlie smith book
Welcome to Paradise.
This story is so American I don’t really get what its about, but appreciate the effort Jack xx
Thanks. America is a complicated philosophy one can choose to follow or not.
And he follows it relentlessly.
Sorta. I don’t own property which is a dirtpimping sin. I’d rather traverse from spot to spot in the nomadic tradition.
I was talking about SC’s obsession with seppo life.
Going nomadic is a great thing in my book.
Ah, my bad. San Clemente has a demon living underneath its surface. You can feel it when there if sensitive to that sort of thang.
You got a Pedo for an avatar
Not sure who that is. How do we change that? I feel my hybrid Jack Johnson and John John Florence face works OK.
The one at top of story
Ghost of epstein
“(insert surfing’s vocal overdub version of a Will Arnett car commercial. Morgan Masassaanan perhaps).”
Can any Americans translate? Never heard these names before.
the dude from arrested development and smartless podcast, funny bastard. also VO guy for cars
You’ve never heard of Morgan Massananasnsan?
I know Will from Bojack Horsemen, which is an excellent animated series for adults. Here’s one of his commercials:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaSnXgKe1MI&list=PLyvwG1Q_Uwwx67I427auZ2-JpCKFeJJCp&index=1
I know Will Arnett? He make biscuits, or maybe “Notts”
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As beta man I chose to go to Jiffy Lube rather than change the oil in my Toyota Tacoma myself. Most $1200 Christenson fish riders probably fall in the same category.
This board is so good I’d pay double. I did a downrail carve yesterday that felt like Rob Machado and that’s priceless.
Oh no ill have to find a used one for $400 and put to test.
Good luck in that market.
Sheet right down the street… asking prices are flexible.
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Did his dog “Banks” bless you upon purchase?
Not only am I offended ! But it’s 6-8″ ! Yew!!
HA! solid writing…..however, not sure about starting a story with “as a man” and then go on to talk about Jiffy Lubing and FUCX texting.
It’s my first longform submission for BG and felt I needed to claim my true sexuality upfront before ya’ll start misjudging. Plus, it got most of ya’ll off porn for a few minutes.
All good Tri-J. “As a California coastal Uber part-time, at times” if you have to take it off-road into the California Brokeback mountains sometimes for a bit of jiffy lube side hustle, no judgement.
If it buys you a real mans surfboard….all good.
Or if that fails, golden showers from the White House could be an option
If only Joseph Smith was still around to guide Greta!
Great! Now Jiffy Lube is tracking your every move including when you surf, whether you ride goofy or Sasha Jane, do you buy surf racks to place behind your truck, how often you visit Mick Fannings website in the hopes he’ll someday make a real surfboard and finally how often you’re on Surfline seeking an accurate report. Now we are left to wonder how often you check your oil or have someone do it for you?
It was more about the full tire rotation.
We recently won a battle vs cameras and another vs a data center in our township. But the war rages on.
Allegedly snowboarders are considered the likely perpetrators who destroyed the cameras in Avon Colorado. No tears have been shed by those who hate this surveillance!
Did I just notice your facial hair and such, or am I that oblivious?
Not oblivious. I did that yesterday as a response to being accepted as one of the boys!
I worked at Jiffy Lube for a few years and I’m happy to provide a long list of reasons why you should never, ever have them do anything other than change your oil. And even that is questionable. It’s very easy to do it yourself, much cheaper, you can feel productive and manly and maybe bust your knuckles up getting the drain plug out, and you can drop off your used oil at a Jiffy Lube, if you just love being there.
Some of the stories that come out of those american chains are gnarly. They defy belief, and are only saved when you hear the stories of robbery from the dealerships.
Recently, around my parts, even the private contractors have stopped giving a shit. Trying to give people work and it’s like pulling teeth to get a call back or a quote. Truly a sign of the unravelling of society.
Also, surfing is the best. What other sport can someone like Matt Wilko give an excuse for losing a junior contest by saying it was his 18th B’day the night before so he had been “headbutting chalk and sinking sambuccas till the sun came up”.
Matt is a rookie! When I was 18 we were crushing ludes and smoking them in a bong when not shrooming.
Free WiFi. Free Coffee. Free Bathrooms. It’s great!
I will say the one good thing is that every time one of the locations in our region ruined an engine — and that happened fairly regularly — they were pretty good about covering the repair bill. Though now you have a car with a new motor in it and a shitty resale value.
Same. I always ask for a paper menu.
I must be getting old and grouchy because I hate QR codes especially when used where business can be done face to face. Still, I enjoyed your story Jcubed.
What would Mayhem say?
https://beachgrit.com/2014/10/opinion-pro-surfing-better-sport-earth/
Just curious, what exactly is a california coastal uber?
Is that where you drive up and down the coast doing ubers for gas money or is it an exclusive booking?
Asking for someone who lives under a rock.
SHHH! Some surfers use Uber to go to and from their chosen break versus fighting for a parking spot.
I guess it beats getting your tires slashed.
That only happens in HB and San O when you cut the line
As an UBER driver you’re allowed to work anywhere in that state. Best part of the job is you can start and stop at anytime. Let’s say I wanna surf Cardiff Reef for a few days. I’ll UBER from the Central Coast to San Diego making money the way down. When I arrive in Cardiff by the Sea I typically have +$200 and will surf when it’s good and Uber when it’s not. I sleep in my truck near Seaside Market. This is one way I sponsor myself and dirtbag surf lifestyle.
Seaside Mark up?
East Coast Pizza next door has great pizza.
I remember a new york style thin crust pizza place around there that was epic. Probs the same one. I like your business model. Might have to try that when I make it back there. Hope you write some more stuff here. Cheers!
I’m confused.
You can go aywhere in the state and pay for it by ubering, yet you choose to post up at Cardiff?
Me and Cardiff Reef go way back. A tad of nostalgia plus warmer water are a lure no fish can resist.
This would make a more interesting story
This will be an ongoing theme with future stories On the Road.