"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."
The former world number eleven surfer Luke Stedman, whom I’ve known for two decades and who has so far avoided any sort of obvious age-related decay, is one of those rare surfers who, although never highly monied, flourished post tour.
He is the son of the man, RIP Shane Stedman, who created the billion-dollar ugg boot empire and who is forever remembered as a “peerless cocksman”; is a part-time model; is a surf coach; is a teacher of the western world’s next yoga-esque craze ginastica natural and, as we’ll explain further, is an expert in the lightly homosexual dance called Brazilian jiujitsu, a mostly indoor practice where men play fight while scuttling along the ground, crablike.
And, now, after over a decade “on the mats”, as they say, and at the ripest of age, fifty!, Luke Stedman has just been awarded the highest accolade in the sport, the coveted but rarely attained black belt.
Many tributes for Stedman below the line, and I imagine they’ll continue here at BeachGrit, but as good as Stedman is at jiujitsu, like Daddy Shane, he is, was, a highly gifted swordsman.
As I wrote a few years back, even your ol pal DR was forced to bow to his bravura performance during a three-day long battle for a French television show host in Tahiti in the very early two thousands.
Although, in my defence, it was the surfer-turned-real-estate agent Nathan Webster, who now dresses like an Italian gigolo, who torpedoed my campaign.
“So, how’s your wife,” Webster announced over the group dinner as a much younger DR briefly overtook Stedman and was sprinting for the finishing line.
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Calling BJJ a “lightly homosexual dance” would be funnier if it weren’t such stale homophobic bullshit. Grapplers spend their time learning how to control resisting human beings. Surfers paddle a couple hundred yards offshore and develop a caste system about it. Cyclists of the sea.
Explains the bogged rails looking at that piece of crap
If my dad was a billionaire I would get a black belt too
The Shane Gang: Surviving the Sixties, Surfboards, Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll and Ugh Boots
His dad founded a billion dollar brand and he was never highly monied? What’s the story there?
That’s a bit of a muddy story. His dad claimed to “invent” the Ugg (or Ugh) boot and trademarked it but he sold the trademark to some guy who then sold it to Deckers for $12 mil. So, the company may be worth $10-15 billion today, the Steadmans got at least 1000x less for the trademark.
whoa!
Piggybacking on The Grit. Tyler’s round 1 heat is essential viewing if only to hear Flick throw shade at her 7pt shampoo during the replay.
https://www.worldsurfleague.com/events/2026/ct/442/fiji-pro/heat-analyzer
Never found his style on a surfboard pleasing to the eye. Him or Webster.
“Cuz there’s music in the air and lots of loving everywhere
soo give me the knife…uh huh, uh huh…give me the knife!”
There should be a machete bin trophy award…coz this would win
Pretty sharp eh?
Never forget
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It was at this point I really realised the seppo softcocks were completely fucked and unable to run the tour. Well actually I realised that earlier when they decided to have a cut and a finals day at Slowers. Na actually I knew it as soon as they took it over when no Californian has won a world title since Curran back in 1990. Then the real giveaway was when they started in with all the feminist wank, like equal prize money and pretending with a gentle nudge all the chicks on tour would improve in heavy waves hahaha. Bless em the dumb cunts have even voted in Donny twice xx
You fuckn drongo, and to be fair, a few of the women are really stepping it up, and they could never do it without being given the chance.
I’m upvoting this purely for the love of being called a drongo ya flaming galah
Stone the flamin’ crows cunt
Some of the women are charging, and I am glad they get the opportunity to show it
Oooh and how could I forget they got rid of the Triple Crown bahahahaah
Willow gave it a go mate WITH HER JERSEY ON. I agree the feminist wank should end here, but ya gotta give credit where it is due man…
It was so fun to see in person who went and who didn’t that day hahaha (JMD days and her group meetings to call shit off remember…) https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
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I agree. We really do fuck everything up. Looking back on the Elo days makes me cringe. Just turned it into a corpo kook fest. The distruction he did is going to last for a long time. Gonna be a slow moving ship. I got some notes I want to run by you.
– They have to get rid of Turpel. I can’t listen to this shit anymore- “Now we have Medina taking off. Eying the section down the line. Pumping and gaining speed,,,,,and he kicks out” As his voice crecendos at the end.
– The WSL fantasy app and platform sucks balls.
– The WSL site sucks too.
– I would say there were 5 women who deserved equal pay at Cloudy. Brooks, Vahinne, Carissa, Hopkins and Isabella.
– It was funny watching them interview Lakey before her round 2 heat. She was all excited to surf and get her round 2 heat over with….. cleary because it was head high and the swell hadnt picked up yet.
– Need Ronny back.
– Personally I don’t mind Vaughn but I know some people dont like him. They need to get more personal in interviews. What are they riding? What did you do last night? U dating anyone? What was for breakfast? ect. Talk to the losers. Get some drama. Why did you go over the falls? Is there a reason you went on the first wave of the set?
– Flick- WOW… ya gotta go.
– The whole everyone is friends on tour shtick is a detriment to the tour.
– Cole’s hair program is so played out. If he was chasing massive mavs while completely methed out I would let it slide.
– I don’t mind Starling with Kaipo.
– John john just went through the panama canal. His filmer is the ultimate 3rd wheel aye? Least the creaking boat would break up the noises from the other bedroom.
– The way Medina surfs large cloudy it looks like he is snowboarding. Wish he won. Maybe he is still adjusting to not having a sticker on the nose.
– Thats all i got!
Shanghai Sex!
Xox
Completely off topic and about the other Grit post, but I need to answer with a screen shot
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Paid well at first, just like every scamming cunt company with a deal….
And once they grab it, “it is MINE”
Unless you are Mickey Mouse or in the Watch club…
Time will tell
My only hope with all this AI heap of wank is that way above us up in the stars Andy is using all this coin to travel to other galaxies to pack massive cones and looking steezy as fuck. Maybe a quick shotgun claim to rattle all the alien cunts yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
A Shooter McGavin will do
A fingering your bum hole claim would be the greatest moment the tour has ever seen
A simple poke, and then they jump off the board like a rocket…
Even better would be like in soccer where they raise up their shirts and it displays a message but this one just says Housheys a fuckwit or ELO loves young boys
Or me favourite of all would be if some cunt broke out the dickhead claim which involves them pretending to wank off an imaginary prong on their forehead. I don’t give a fuck what the wave was like if someone did that aimed at the commentary team its a straight ten from me all day. Just imagine the responses from Fluck, Joe and Jesse haha get that up yous yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
What about if Tyler stuck her…. Ohh fuckn hell ,I am too late
Did they even say anything at all?
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Greatest claim of all time and yet not a word from the commentary crew?
No fuckn shit hey right there
Haha fuck hey.
Xox
Would you happen to have the time by any chance Dogs?
Nah.
You don’t, do you…..
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Oh man, I am already in quite a foul mood.
Xox
It’s your own fault.
Doesn’t your latest court order say you are not allowed to be within 50M of ANY kind of Strap on Device, ever again?
That would include watches…
Especially since the last incident at McDonalds at 11AM, in front of a busload of French Tourists
Sacré bleu ! Montre ma montre!
Xox
Check out the sort of psychos the yanks have to put up with. No wonder they go batty.
Fella has a long list of horrible behaviour
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A full on plunge then a sniff before the claim…
Only a Dog cunt could pull that off
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I would love a massive cone, or bucket, but then I can’t fuckn drive anymore…
Not worth the risk around here
I got a heap of Palexia’s … same deal
This mornings edition of WORDAWAZZLE (the Australian version of Wordle that features common Aussie comedic and/or slang terms)…
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…and also the solution to how I solved it.
I don’t get it.
All I see is Buckets
You there bog?
Only joking cunt. Someone has a message for you and I’ll send it through in 15 xx
Fucking hell I hope he’s not shaping me one of those monstrosities
No better time than now to join voices as Dezz and Sasha lead us all in a rousing rendition of the international BBJ anthem, while Doggsie brings up the rear…
(1st refrain)
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(2nd refrain)
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Gender fluid when Gender fluid wasn’t even in fashion.
no mention of JJF’s new edit.
Guess the sailing edits are out of fashion now.
Did it just land? How’s baby Dez?
growing up quick.
weird, big daddy John John aging in reverse, looking like baby now with curly locks.
still getting skunked for surf, wife still pretty and silent with very cute tush
4/10
It’s not sailing edits that are out of fashion, it’s John John Florence.
Won his world titles and retired, now sailing around getting skunked while living the family life isn’t very interesting.
The WSL tour is doing just fine without him, as seen in Fiji –
You should upload a vid of you doing the dishes
I don’t have a dishwasher
Watching millionaires complain makes me happy
Just so you know everyone…when I see a John septic cameramans book in the oppy I draw a cock n balls on every 7th page. If you find one let us know . Just so you know
Couldn’t even see it because the pages were stuck together
Apparently this barechested behemoth in the video (Rick Springfield) is 76 years old. Will Luke Stedman look as good as this at 76, now that he’s a black belt?
So many questions. Will this footage stir fond mid-western memories for our Sofia? Will the hundreds of sunburns I’ve gotten in my life mean that my face will look like an old shoe at 76, or will I choose to get hair replacements and plastic surgery? Is Jesse’s girl even alive, considering the obesity rates in the US? Most importantly, what sort of black magic is this man involved with?
https://youtu.be/vfyamvUfZyI?si=F-wImaYQIKXxejGS
Like Danny Elfman from Oingo Boingo, he’s in his 70’s too. Roids….
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Roids and TrT are good, but if I was married to Bridget Fonda then I too would want to live forever. Funny how so many gorgeous women love proper, talented weirdos. I presume their children are super gingers.
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Uuhhhh
It appears you haven’t seen any recent photos Barny
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Yes, they’re real
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Shocking but true…
You Mutha Fucka
Why you gotta do that to us?
Possibly one of the finest pieces of songsmithery ever smithed by an Australian in California.
What other number one hit tune has been written with such depth of language as to include the line…
“And the point is probably moot”
Just think about those particular words that Rick specifically chose to not only rhyme but to describe the irrelevance of his feelings which will never be returned.
And the point is probably moot.
Kinda sums up the futility of a lot of BGness in both sharticle and comments, and perhaps suitable as an official BeachGrit anthem.
So lets all join our voices in song, with Dezz & Sasha leading, and Doggsie bringing up the rear, as always…
You mean Dr. Noah Drake from General Hospital?
Girllllll. I had no idea and only found out about that when I saw his interview with The Professor of Rock. I’m more from the era of Dr. Drake Remorey from Friends; which I now realise is likely a play on the GH character.
He says he had recorded his debut album but the record company was sitting on it so he needed work and joined GH for the steady paycheck.
Twonzer’s. So hot right now
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