Sorry for being unchill.
I’ll be honest. When the World Surf League rolled out its relationship with the Apple Watch. Artificial Intelligence reminded me, when I searched for past works upon, of:
The WSL Partnership Backlash: When the WSL mandated Apple Watches for heat management in 2023, BeachGrid lampooned the corporate tie-in. They highlighted pro surfers pushing back, such as Carissa Moore refusing to wear one, and Leonardo Fioravanti slamming the device live on air after technical glitches ruined his heat.”
Also:
Kelly Slater Defiance: BeachGrid tracked Kelly Slater flouting the rules by openly wearing a non-sanctioned Shark watch instead of the mandated Apple Watch, as well as throwing shade at the tech when his scores failed to update properly.
Plus:
Satires and “Washed Up” Gear: The site also published satirical pieces joking about dozens of abandoned Apple Watches washing up on North Shore beaches following the rollout, alongside later commentary when the partnership faced hiccups or award nominations.
Etc.
Well, and as you certainly know if you are watching the currently unfolding Lexus Trestles Pro, Apple and the World Surf League made a film about the collaboration. I clicked, watched and felt profound shame.
Professional surfing pre-Apple Watch was an apparent disaster. Barron Mamiya shares that surfers compete 500 yards from shore, sometimes, and cannot hear announcers. Isabella Nicholls added that sun glare can be horrific, rendering eyeballs useless. Lakey Peterson discussed how vital priority is in a heat and knowing what score one needs in order to win.
On and on the film went and I felt worse and worse as I watched. It is clear to me, now that, owing to my unbounded vanity and to the high standard I set for myself, I often look at myself with furious discontent, which verges on loathing, and so I inwardly attribute the same feeling to everyone.
Not chill.
Watch for yourself here.
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Set aside WSL jocks with gold chains, and flimsy contracts,etc…. the folks in the line up these days with Apple Watches on wrists (and bucket hats with chin straps on) are the same folks telling you “it’s a process” when their brand new 9′ 6″ nails you in the head after a nail on in the inside, and their Vineyard Vines-stickered Tesla in the parking lot has a changing mat, portable shower, and wax case in the back seat.
Circe wasn’t joking when she told you to monetize this shit
Is the wave dodgers slo cal classic on tomorrow or not cunts? I s Gwen gunna have another breakdown or is she already wired up on the monitors?
7.5
I have a lovely grandfather clock that I just take to the beach and plonk on the sand pre paddle out. Gives me all the up to date information required. Like no fucks given. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Don’t talk with your mouth full Bog, you’re better than that mate
I skipped the sharty, but was it jensee?
Made it to Newport Beach. Sleeping in my truck near Jacks. Gonna surf early then head over.
Watch out for e bikes.
it’s mating season
Will do.
I just read that Fiji has declared a HIV national health emergency. Hope during their stop at Cloudie, anybody who sampled the local tane wrapped it up. Was Kaipo looking a little peaked today??
You’d have to have had 10 skulldraggers to go there mate. The water buffalo are better lookin
Yeah but remember what they say, five 2’s is a 10…
RIP
Fuck Horny sharks
Time to take up knitting
It is not safe to go back in the water
And yet “Flake” is so expensive at the Fish and Chip shop..
need to do something about this crap
Another life lost for a fuckn dinosaur
Hey Greenburt Humpydick and Deeks did you fine pair of cunts get your watches yet?
They’re on watch for a package in the mail…
I reckon i saw mine on the wrist of some courier in town yesdee
Another shark attack in west oz today. Swimmer Goneski , 6m white
Ahhhhh no that’s fucked
6 mtr means fatality yeah ? No getting around that. R I P
Any idea where?
Perth
Hey Bog can you stop sucking off Pyzel for a sec and ask him who’s winning the shapers rankings? Cheers bruz
Pyzel doesn’t give a fuck.
He’s off living his best life and enjoying grampa life.
Told wife many times don’t buy me an Apple watch, they’re lame.
What do you think she did.
Premise if a shark eats me I can call for help. Pay $5/month to get it connected to internet. But… signal doesn’t reach to my local.
On the way back from my local there’s a rock jump, and signal to the watch kicks in there. Watch starts vibrating right when I’m on a barnycled precipice (message from wife hassling me back from surf), suprises me, I eat shit, scratch up myself and board. Furious discontent with wife’s decisions and for not throwing the stupid thing in the garbage immediately and telling her what’s what.
Somehow 3yrs later still paying $5/month for internet to it, which Vodafail can’t seem to cancel.
Threw the watch out years ago, an AUD $80 Casio is way better.
Notice they’re all wearing gold watches at Trestles? Looks fucked.
I hate knowing the time
It can go ever so fast when not needed, or disappointingly so slow when a fast exit is required.
Fuck watches
Time is mine
That’s the dream man. Always against the clock between work, family etc. Without a watch I worry I’m late, end up surfing less. Watch keeps me in the water until the last second. 10 minutes planning my next 10 minutes, etc.
Slow the fuck down…There is no race
Here is something that I always abide by, a fuckn stupid speeding ad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDlN_9fSAis
So good
Slow the fuck down!
The finish line sux
Constructs everywhere.
Xox
No watch, ashamed to say no ring. Surfing a rather large hurricane swell next to the local wooden pier. The current is absolutely ripping then sets start to go next level. A crowd of on lookers start to form at the end of the pier to watch us most certainly flirt with death in their eyes. As the swell rises I’m paddling closer and closer to the height of the pier deck. At some point I lock eyes with this black fisher dudes I’m scrambling over a wave. I holler over to ask him to call my wife a tell her I’m safe. I’m yelling and he’s yelling repeating the numbers. And it goes like this and I’m looking back and when I turn around this mutant is on me with nothing little to do but try to duck dive. As I go under the beast he must have been giving her the play by play from his eyes. Later she told me he was freaking out! “Your crazy fucking husband is paddling towards the biggest fucking waves I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s Gone! He’s Gone!”
Lol. Nice.
I’m in fuckn trouble now and need help.
There is a HUGE football game on tonight. It is Fremantle vs Sydney in the AFL (Australian Football League)
I know none of you cunts watch it, but it is a big deal here, and some cunts are coming here to watch it.
The piss is all sorted for tonight, and nibbles.
But I went all fancy and made a Bacon and Jalapeno Lasagne that is well over 2Kgs.
Now the stupid fuckn Pyrolytic oven won’t heat up.
It’s fuckn cooked.
Only Fans
I can’t fuckn microwave or air fry it. I made it myself.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Can you chuck it in the barbie, lid down. Better yet, use/borrow a weber. Looks the goods though mate.
Thanks. I got it sorted, Need a new oven, BUT!!!
I turned the oven on to bottom only, with fan, and it is heating up
Yay
Top element, and Convection element must be toast somehow. Prob the salt air.
FUck you oven makers, because it even has a separate switch to turn the cunt on.
So it just “Breaks” while sitting there doing FUCK ALL
And yes, I checked all the fuses.
RIP OVEN after today
Chuck it on the barbie ya fancy cunt
Ohh Why didn’t I think of that
Something is missing. I blame myself
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hey have you seen what’s happening in the fantasy club? I could go top!!! Of course I won’t rub it into all the seppos hahahaha
Is this you right now?
https://old.reddit.com/r/Weird/comments/1tw62m8/its_not_what_it_looks_like/
I can’t read that for some reason
If your on your phone hold ya finger on the link of crays. It’ll come up ” open in new tab”
hit that once
Light your farts.
Xox
I don’t own a watch and just wear a big clock round me neck like that cunt with gold teeth in Public Enemy. If anyone asks why I just say int it obvious dickhead Ya Gotta Fight The Power
You added an extra “L” in cock there
Hahahahahahaha
Oh I have it on faith you’re not the only one looking at you in furious discontent. Run this by the apple marketing dept.
wpDiscuz will be much better
Self hosted locally by BeachGrit, rather than in the Fairy Cloud land of Disqus, where words like cunt will soon go to die…
Hey CrayGPT Will they have a bronze statue of Ethan holding his sore knob on straddie by Christmas
New comment system?
This can’t be good.
Better. Locally hosted by BeachGrit themselves, not in the fairy Disqus cloud.
Could you blame them from wanting to keep BTL all to themselves with what goes on down here?
Hahahaha
Why? This place is magical with no angst or bitterness for miles