Charles Medina

Gabi daddy: “Judges a dictatorship!”

“Of all events that Gabriel was harmed, this is the worst."

Do you think Gabriel Medina’s round three loss at the Hurley Pro was the best thing to happen on tour this year, beating even Slater’s tear-jerky Tahiti triumph?

It sure did a lot of good things for BeachGrit traffic, numbers I hadn’t seen since the Fanning-Jew thing back at Stab. 

Whatever way you swung, bad call, good call, everyone had an opinion.

Including Gabriel’s step-daddy Charles who just starred in a piece-to-camera in which he calls the WSL judges, according to our translator Tomothy Puñales, a “dictatorship.”

Puñales, the translator writes:

Carlinhos Rogério Serrano Da Silva Neto, mostly known as Charles, is Gabriel Medina’s stepfather and omnipresent surfing coach. He was really upset with the Hurley Pro’s judges decision because he is convinced they are raping his garoto. He believes that if the judges don’t do that, he will win everything.

After calling his lawyers and firmly ordering them to chase all those disrespectful assholes who had dared to bully Gabi on the net, he faces this cellphone camera and tells the world his truth:

“I know complaining sucks, but of all events that Gabriel was harmed, this is the worst. Gabriel rode the best wave of the day, that it was also the best of the contest. But, sadly, judges gave him a low score that he couldnt reverse.

“I feel sad because they are clearly locking Gabriel. Just imagine if athletics would lock Usain Bolt. Or if swimming would lock Michael Phelps. It’s not cool. The kid born for the sport. He goes there and win, but sadly, five people here define what is good and what is bad. Its like a dictatorship.”

Lock means, according to my Portuguese-speaking pals, “SCREW, or FUCK…. like block his career, is a slang for brazilians, literally translated LOCKED like when the brakes of your car lock , is like stack somebody else career.”

Watch here! (Not so good if you don’t speak Portuguese.)

great white

Great White Attack Caught on GoPro!

Not a single girlish squeal to be heard. Hard as fucking nails.

It’s been a heavy few days. Death and crazy Brazilians and surf media moguls latching onto nonsense hype pieces I wrote because I couldn’t think of anything good.

Which is amusing, right?

I’m not rubbed raw that certain circles snagged our stuff. I know it bugs Chas, but I think he’s overreacting a bit. After all, we are the TMZ of surfing. I’m proud of that label. TMZ makes a ton of money. I want money. Real money. Ruin-your-life money. Not surf industry money.

So when “legitimate” outlets borrow my empty hype I can’t help but smile. Really lays bare the state of the media. Hopefully it’ll make people expect more.

Not from me, of course. What you see is what you get. I’m totally into slow news day low effort “borrowing.” We’re all livin’ in glass houses!

I’m doing it today.

Because yesterday was heavy, today I want something soft. Too much existential weirdness on my plate. I want something easy to swallow.

Not that a shark attack is light fare, usually. Gore and blood and maimed limbs fucking suck. But near misses are damn neat.

Homeboy gets hammered from behind by a Great White. Fucking thing eats his fin! Then he fends off another two attacks and escapes to safety.

Not a single girlish squeal to be heard. Hard as fucking nails. Kept his shit together, made the right choices, got away unscathed.

Just needs a new set of fins. I’m sure there’s a company that’ll toss him a pair gratis.

Peter Mel: “I’m here for the Gang Bang!”

Watch your favourite commentator gang-banged at Lowers!

Lowers is a wave that’s hard to fault. Easy take-offs, enough curve in the wave to sink rails and cushy landings if high jumps are more your game.

But if Lowers is anything, it’s the Ganges of surfing, pilgrims crawling over each other for a piece. In this short from the Santa Babs filmmaker Norwell9, watch your favourite WSL commentator Peter Mel left in a bukkake mess by the very people he entertains.

If you like that, come see Norwell9’s cut of Gabriel playing Slap Chop at Lowers!

And, this. A tribute to Dane Reynolds on the occasion of his thirty-first birthday.


Stab and a cauldron of cowardice!

What is so scary about the existence of other surf media? Let's ask Stab!

A weird disease plagues surf media and it is a general inability to speak about, write about, address or acknowledge other surf media. I’ve always been very confused about this because all other sports, news, fashion or gossip sites regularly discuss or credit each other. Even sworn enemies like ESPN and Deadspin or Fox and CNN.

But in surf? Fearful blinders! Like, recognizing where a story/idea came from is, in some way, very embarrassing. Or scary. That the existence of other surf media is shameful. Or intimidating.

Stab is, by far and away, the largest transgressor and seems to be most afraid, regularly ripping, biting, stealing but never ever ever crediting. Very recently, for example, our own Rory Parker (who is thankfully alive and well) wrote a very funny story digging into the WSL rule book and identifying that Julian Wilson and Matt Wilkinson might be subject to fines or expulsion.

Of course Rory didn’t write the rule book nor did he interview anyone inside for exclusive quotes but he was the first to tie the WSL rules with surfer behavior.


Stab copied the exact same story ten-ish hours later, like it has done countless times in BeachGrit‘s short history, with no mention of Rory Parker’s name and this one finally pushed me over the edge because I love Rory Parker! I tried to comment under the story but it was apparently rejected at Stab HQ with trembling hands.

And so here we are.

It is fun that we all exist, is it not? Even The Inertia! The surf media, as far as I’m concerned, is part of the broader show and a chickenshit denial of the other’s existence is… is… well it’s weird!

What is so scary about the tiniest sliver of journalistic integrity? About mentioning inspiration or source? Is it because the Stab thinks that once readers discover other surf websites exist that they will not come back? Because SurfStitch has a directive that competitors are waiting in the bushes with sharpened knives and pretending they don’t exist, while hunkered behind high walls, is the best longterm option for the stock price?

I’m so very confused!

Come on Stab…put on your big boy pants and dance. I promise it’ll be fun!

Or funny!

Just in: Medina threatens lawsuit?

Is world number 3-ish on the warpath against your very own BeachGrit?

Did you know BeachGrit is just over two years old? We are! And thank you for coming. Thank you so very much for paying us daily visits. Oh we know there is so much we both could and should do better but we is what we is. And as of today we is the most ever!

Ex-champion Gabriel Medina, current world number three-ish, just threatened, through a maybe third party, to maybe sue because our own, wonderful, Rory Parker posted a direct translation of his Instagram post!

Do you remember?

Of course you do! Medina took to Twitter, shortly after losing a close heat and wrote:

Hora de ir pra casa. Muito triste, eu dedico ou dediquei minha vida pra isso…to cansado, cansei!

Rory Parker picked it up from there:

What does that mean? I don’t speak Portuguese. Only English. And Spanish, sorta.

Yippee for Google’s translation magic!

Time to go home. Very sad, I dedicate or have dedicated my life to it … so tired, tired!

Is this the end for Gabby? Past tense reference to his competitive career!

Crazy, so crazy.

Sure, it’s probably nothing. Just letting off some steam. Upset he got handed the short end of the stick.

Simple and not very insightful but still good. And true. Just Gabriel Medina’s own words translated into English. But then, glory of all glories, miracles straight from the heavens, an email came shooting through subjected law against beach grit. The author, a probable Brazilian surf photographer with big time legal aspirations wrote:

Medina treat to law process who lie about his future!

His email linked to this story. 

Throw it into Google Translate and it reads:

The world champion of surfing Gabriel Medina and his team , hereby clarify that there is a false statement being issued on his behalf by social and Whatsapp networks.

At no time , Gabriel or someone from his staff commented on any decisions related to their future in the World Tour .

Legal measures will be taken to ensure the integrity of the athlete and find the person responsible for false communication.

We ask , please , that ignore this absurd statement , which affects the athlete , his family, his team, his sponsors and surfing the institution.

At the moment, Gabriel Medina will not comment on the matter and is reunited with his family .

Have you ever read more delicious words? Have you?

I haven’t and am planning on getting them tattooed where Gabriel Medina has his family crest tattooed, right below where he shaves his armpit.


And this, officially, represents the high-water mark of your BeachGrit. Thank you for putting up with us. Thank you for laughing Gabriel Medina straight back into the totally shorn cave from whence he first came.

Obrigado to all!

P.S. If any of Medina’s other third parties feel like threatening hollow legal action maybe take a look around. Rip Curl doesn’t advertise here! Threaten Stab instead! They’re super sissies and cower under desks!