Rejoice! You could maybe still be a professional surfer! (But not me. Too skinny!)
Isn’t it wonderful to see stereotype turned straight upon its head? To be surprised by an unexpected outcome? To have the underdog come out on top, the dark horse pull ahead, the fates plundered? Of course it is and we were treated to a healthy portion of “Wow! Really?” just yesterday.
The final for the Hurley Pro in shrinking Trestles featuring one Filipe Toledo and one Jordy Smith.
Now, on paper, Filipe should clearly win. The lithe Brazilian barely tips the scales at 125 lbs (56 kg) and floats like a dainty butterfly on the morning breezes. He is exactly the body type that nature has crafted for our modern surfing game. Like a jockey! Oh his children will even be smaller than he, likely in the 105 lbs range (47 kg), and sail out to sea if the morning breezes are doing anything other than whispering.
Jordy, on the other hand, is described only ever as “big.” The World Surf League blasted out its victory missive as soon as the final horn blew and it screamed “The Big South African used his hips to hammer the smaller competition into submission!” Or something close (I didn’t in fact read past the word “big”).
And big he is.
I don’t dare as to guess his weight (? kg) but can comfortably assume that two Filipe Toledos and three of the future Toledo children could easily fit inside one of Jordy’s ham hocks and with room to spare!
And yet Jordy took the day! He was the one who soared on wings of eagles, who plundered the fates, who danced the samba and smiled so big.
A glorious, curvaceous surprise!
Which makes me wonder, in this age of Li’l Kim are skinny boys totally out of fashion? Without the proverbial “junk in the trunk” will tour surfers fall like autumn leaves?
Is Jordy Smith our Kim Kardashian?
And do you thrill at the democratization of body-type? That anyone regardless of form or figure can reach number 4 in the world and number 1 in the heart?
Who needs jockeys when we’ve got love!
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Holy flipper 56kg! I was the skinniest in class til the end of school and I can never remember being anything less than 70kg. Clearly have memory loss problems. Or maybe I’m an alien simulation. Hmmmm.
You obviously didn’t grow up in rural India.
This is why Willian Cardoso should be get the wildcard at every event.
what a pity this man with the caboose of a pregnant wilderbeest won’t skill up for big waves and win his titles. so much pity.
This angers me greatly… the lost potential to absolutely destroy waves.
Its really just looking over the left nip in slabby overhead stuff that is sketchy. He kills big Bells, Jeffreys and Haleiwa. I am trying to think of some other big guys that rip in backside barrels, and am coming up short. Perhaps the big frame is not so suitable for pig-dogging.
he will never make good result in heavy hollow lefts
jordy will always remind me of stevie from eastbound and down
Jordy was the moonwalking bear.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
If Jordy is the new Kim, let us never speak of him again.
Do we dare call Tyler wright big
Call her champ.
Except jordy only fractured the internet. She broke it, and many other washing machines with the protein laden towels of every (or most) men and teens of the fwapernet…
wait – men actually find her attractive? not a joke.
Dat asssssszzzz…
Chas… I guess you’re now casting Parko as surfing’s “Khloe Kardashian” since he was in the finals and you didn’t even mention him… the Kardashian who gets no repect!
Oh so true! But who is Courtney?
Wrong again… it’s Kourtney!
Slim thick is where we’re at. As I never say, love your body, Chas.
P.S. People say, “Kim Kardashian’s ass is fake!” as if that should bother me…
Hahaha, “Skankhunter” agrees, or course.
Gotta change it up every now and again. I went all class with this one.
Game recognize game!