Perth wavegarden
Here, the new version of Wavegarden, a joint where even middle-aged men can swing into a wave every fifty-five seconds

Lawsuit threat for “defective” Wave tank!

Perth residents say they'll take the fight to the Supreme Court!

Have you ever tried to have anything of substance built? Or modified? Maybe a sauna in the garage or a bed that ascends out of a hole in the floor?

The process is a son of a bitch.

Every bored neighbour with a keyboard will try and smash the fucker into the ground, good or bad, and whether it affects ’em or not. I’m loathe to say it’s human nature, because I do believe in the essential goodness of man, but, fuck, only way to get shit through is with a lawyer and an insane amount of time on your hands. One time I tried to build a jerk-off room, an eyrie on the top of my little apartment, dormer windows offering panoramic views of the surf. Ended up in court, thousands down the hole, and a fist fight with another owner.

Therefore, I was hardly surprised when a group of Melville residents petitioned the local council today against approving a “defective” wave tank. If you haven’t been to Melville, and realistically, there isn’t a reason to go ’cause ain’t much there, is a bourgeoise hamlet for retirees. A soft-shoe shuffle down to the local Chinese is as rad as it gets.

You remember the Perth Wavegarden, yeah? If memory fails, read about it here. 

As reported by the West Oz today,

City of Melville residents are threatening to take their fight against a $25 million wave park to the Supreme Court if the council approves the project tomorrow.

A group of ratepayers stepped up their protest against the riverside project proposal last week after seeking advice from law firm Lavan Legal.

In a letter sent to the council, lawyers claim the business plan is “manifestly defective” and approval of the project would be invalid.

City of Melville officers have recommended councillors grant a lease to Wave Park Group for the Alfred Cove site when they meet tomorrow.

Councillors have been told the proposal is unique and transformative and would provide significant financial return. A council spokeswoman said the letter had been carefully considered and there was no valid reason to delay the decision.

Resident David Maynier said the area was inappropriate for an artificial wave park because of environmental risks. 

“If push comes to shove, there is a fairly large number of ratepayers who could be prepared to continue and support action in the Supreme Court,” Mr Maynier said.

The council received 3677 submissions on the project, of which 651 opposed the plan.

 BeachGrit’s position? Have you ever been to Perth? The waves suck and Great Whites treat the beaches as their protected kingdom. Let’s get these things rolling!

Ian Foulke Rosy Hodge
"My wife for life!"

Weep: Rosy Hodge Just Got Married!

The post-heat virtuoso slams door shut on single game forever!

This ain’t something you want to read over your morning joe. The post-heat virtuoso Rosy Hodge, whom you allow regular access into your night thoughts, she with the blankest and most tender eyes, yours ablaze with ardor and nostrils alive with the smell of her broth, just got married to the director of Electric’s global marketing, Mr Ian Foulke.

The gazelle-like Rosy, who is thirty years old and who grew up in East London in South Africa, and Ian, a thirty-ish American of jaw-dropping beauty and height, are that rare bird where everything just… fits.

“With wind in her hair and sea glass in her ear, she is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen, and now, my wife for life,” writes Ian.

Rosy did admit to a little-pregame nerves, howevs. But who doesn’t!

And they both shred! Watch!

Trump surfer

Chas: “Let the bad times roll!”

Hardship hurts in the moment but is a wonderful story afterward…

Sometimes we go on surf trips and our flights are all on time. Our boards arrive un-dinged, the sun shines, the waves barrel just barely overhead and the locals smile at us while we are weaving through their barrels. When we come home we tell our friends and lovers all about it.

We say, “Oh boy did I ever score. And the stewardess on the way home, she was brunette and leggy and wowza honk honk aaaahhhoooogaaahh and she made eyes at me the whole flight long.”

When we say, “I spent seven days in a Balinese hospital because little amoebas decided to eat my intestines” their eyes go wide with fascination. Hardship, you see, is the stuff of legend. Hardship hurts in the moment but is a wonderful story afterward and will be remembered forever.

And they listen, half interested, until the bit about the stewardess and then they roll their own eyes deep inside their skulls. Perfection, you see, is boring. Perfection is fun in the moment but not a good story afterward and not even particularly memorable.

Because sometimes we go on surf trips and our flights catch fire and divert to Panama City. Our boards don’t arrive, the sun either sizzles like the heat of hell or stays completely hidden, the waves tower and eat us alive or don’t show up and the locals pull machetes on us or try to shoot us, as we camp on the beach, because they know that white people turn into devils at night. And the stewardess on the way home is a fat man from Djibouti who insists on wearing shorts well above the knee.

When we come home and tell our friends and lovers about it, when we say, “I spent seven days in a Balinese hospital because little amoebas decided to eat my intestines” their eyes go wide with fascination. Hardship, you see, is the stuff of legend. Hardship hurts in the moment but is a wonderful story afterward and will be remembered forever.

And so, on your next surf trip, don’t always take the easy way. Keep your eyes wide, looking for possible adventure.

Is there a one legged man who tells of a secret wave far in the distance? Go to that secret wave.

Is there a border to sneak across to get into a forbidden zone? Sneak.

But don’t and I mean DO NOT try to create some hideous cliché and pass it off as amazing.

Like, do not stay in a hostel and sit up smoking weed all night with the Danish bar manager.

Do not drink the magic mushroom milkshake and dance under the moonlight.

Do not go to a native village off the beaten path, come home and tell your friends and lovers, “The natives live so much more simply and, by extension, they are so much happier.”

That is the most hideous of clichés. The natives are not happier. They yearn for high definition and paper money pegged to the U.S. dollar with a narrow band.

Noa Deane as Kurt Cobain, Dion Agius as Jimi Henrix and Creed as Morrison.
Noa Deane as Kurt Cobain, Dion Agius as Jimi Henrix and Creed as Morrison.

Surfers who should have died at 27!

It's all fun and games until the ball lands on your name...

The greatest ever of our artists died when they hit twenty seven years of age. Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Basquiat, Brian Jones, etc. etc. etc.  It’s such a thing that universities do studies on the likelihood of musicians dying at 27 and there is such thing as a 27 Forever Club.

And sad etc. etc. etc. but also these artists are the forever in the stars because they died at 27. And were brilliant, too great for us, smelled like teen spirit. So let us examine, in a cold analytical light, which surfers would be better of in the 27 Forever Club.

Dane Reynolds: Obvs.

Craig Anderson: Ship has long sailed. And 27 would have been right at his Kandui Hypto ride. Legend forever!

Dion Agius: The mausoleum in Tasmania would be a work of absolute art.

Creed McTaggart: Live fast, die at 27. Go go go!

Noa Deane: There’s still hope.

Nat Young: Should have died when he was 12.

Chris Ward: Despite best attempts…

Adriano de Souza: He would never won that world title and Kelly would have never made a wave pool.

Nat Young
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present," says Nat Young. "That's were the fun is."

Kolohe/Nat Grab Nor-Cal by Pussy!

Come see the young Californians squeeze living hell out of a recent swell… 

Great days, ain’t they? A Strong Man in the White House, the endless entertainment of an impeachment looming around every new corner, a First Lady with a bank of erotic photosstorms not seen in twenty years lashing the City of Angels, snow pouring onto mountains all over the world, a world surfing champion everyone finally agrees on…

…and, surf, surf, surf! Great days!

We’re a little late to jump on the short Dream Bars by filmmaker Perry Gershkow but it’s something you’ll like, if you haven’t seen it already. It features the one-time WCT surfer Nat Young  and current world number four Kolohe Andino hitting sand banks near the Californian city of Saint Frank.

It’s an interesting study. Do you remember when Nat soared on the ratings while his pal Kolohe stammered and everyone said he’d never make it but he persisted and now he looms as an almost-title contender? The contrast between the two is marked. Different stances, yeah, but while one jitterbugs and works himself up into something of a panic on a wave, the other draws an almost old fashioned line.

Who is who? Which is which? Watch!