Totally illegal but... “In reality, no one is going
to jail.”
It is man vs. beast in Southern California with
no end in sight! Beast struck in
San Onofre a week ago, taking the leg of a single
mother. Man struck back yesterday, pulling a six-foot baby white
out of Huntington’s lineup and hauling him/her onto the pier near
Ruby’s.
Let’s read a snippet from Laylan Connelly’s wonderful story,
gleaned off a South Carolina man who happened to catch the action
whilst on his way down the pier after trying to eat at Ruby’s, in
the Orange County
Register!
That’s when a commotion stopped him in his tracks – anglers
wrestling to pull a 6-foot shark from the water, something Hefner
had never seen before. Like others who had gathered around as
people cheered, he pulled out his phone and recorded
video.
“Someone caught something, so I stayed and watched,” Hefner
said via e-mail. “I’ve seen sharks caught on other piers in
different states, but this was my first time seeing a great white.
By reading the comments on my Facebook, I guess it’s illegal to
pull a great white out of the water. The guys could have easily cut
their line and let it go, but they decided to try to net it and
then when that failed, they used a gaff hook in its gill to pull it
onto the pier.”
The comments on social media show mixed response to the
incident. The video showed the shark hitting a concrete pier pillar
as it was pulled up toward the deck, with people surrounding it and
appearing to be posing for selfies. Some argue the incident was not
just illegal, but also cruel. Others say a flurry of great white
activity off the coast represents a healthy ecosystem and they
should be legal to catch.
Lifeguards worry anglers catching great whites off the pier
can cause them to be agitated and attack nearby surfers and other
ocean users, similar to an incident that happened a few years ago
in Manhattan Beach when a swimmer was bitten after anglers snagged
a great white. But lifeguards have no authority to enforce fishing
laws on piers, which is regulated by Fish and Game.
State law protects the great white from being caught off
California. Hughan said it’s a misdemeanor to capture a great
white, and if those in the video are convicted, they likely would
not face jail time or the maximum penalty of $10,000.
“If they were convicted, the Orange County judge would
decide the penalty. It depends on the charge and how the judge
feels about it,” he said. “In reality, no one is going to
jail.”
And doesn’t that last “in reality, no is going to jail…” sort of
seem like a tacit wink, wink toward “personalized culling?” It so
does to me! And doesn’t the whole scene, as described by Mr. Hefner
as well as captured by his phone (look
here!) feel like when the townspeople formed an angry
mob to get the beast in Beauty and the Beast? I just watched
yesterday afternoon!
In any case, should southern Californians form angry mobs to
pull great white babies from the sea, bashing their heads on
concrete for good measure or should southern Californians stay out
of the ocean altogether? Is there a happy medium? Will the sharks
ever turn into handsome princes and beautiful princess if given
enough love?
"I wanted to make a wave that mixed Teahupoo with
Kirra," says Kelly.
Slater: “Everyone’s got a fucking
opinion!”
By Derek Rielly
A fine documentary made by and starring Kelly
Slater…
Think about it. How often do you see Kelly
Slater really loosen up? How often do you hear him unholster
his thoughts without a feeling that it’s all part of a bigger
game?
In part one of a two-part documentary called
Continuance, we find Kelly, who has just turned
forty-five, warming up for the first event of the tour at
Snapper.
Cut to his Palm Beach apartment where he keeps a stash of world
title and, curiously, 2012-2013 runner-up trophies.
“Fricken Parko and Fanning, gotta have ’em on the Gold Coast,
right?” says Kelly.
Cut to a shaping bay with the Lennox Head surfboard shaper
Daniel Thomson talking board design.
“Everybody’s got a fucking opinion,” says Kelly.
Cut to new vision from the Surf Ranch.
“I wanted to make a wave that mixed Teahupoo with Kirra.”
Cut to talk about trying very hard to win a farewell world title
this year.
Cut to Slater, post-heat, and a forensic examination of how
his board looked.
The documentary was produced by Kelly, his OuterKnown
biz partner John Moore and Jeremy Groff, and made by Alek Parker
and Group Films.
Venice-adjacent mountain website, The Inertia,
founder Zach Weisberg finally speaks his mind!
I went to a surf party last night in Laguna
Beach and guess who was there? The famous cinematographer Eric
Brandt. And guess who else? The Inertia founder and
creative head Zach Weisberg.
The Zach Weisberg! From The Inertia!
And what are the odds? He came marching up to me with a forced
smile on his face, stuck out his very small hand and said, “I’m
Zach Weisberg.” And my heart soared. It is generally rare for
people, and especially people in the surf industry, to directly
approach their nemeses and I told Zach how happy I was at this
chance meeting.
He had a photographer there with him and I said, “We must
document this historic event.” He demurred with hurt feelings
written on his face and sadness in his eyes, telling his
photographer, “No. No pictures.”
I said, “Zach, this is your problem. You don’t have any fun. I
am very sorry that I am not at all sorry that I make sport out of
kicking your Inertia in its goads every chance I
get but if you would just respond we would all have a lot more
fun.”
He said, “What would we stand to gain from that? We would get
nothing out of the exchange.”
And this greatly confused me. “You would get fun!” I responded
though it was very clear our idea of fun was different.
The photographer stood to the side holding her camera with a
crestfallen half-grin on her face. I couldn’t tell if she felt
sorry for Zach or thought I was a dick but biting her tongue.
I continued, “Who do you think you are? The Washington
Post?The Inertia may be bigger than
BeachGrit but we are all tiny.”
He said, “But it would be like rewarding a bad dog… I’m sorry
you’re not a bad dog but…”
And I said, “Yes! I’m a very bad dog. Incorrigible even.
Responding may be the only thing that stops me though.”
He hemmed and hawed while I told him people don’t like The
Inertia because it is like rocking up to your favorite surf
spot and seeing a 30 student strong surf school on the sand doing
their warmups ready to paddle out on the back third of their foam
boards.
He seemed sad about this but then shared the most enlightening
thing, saying, “When I was at Surfer,The New
York Times was doing some stories on surf and it made me
frustrated because some of the information was off. I thought, ‘If
they’re going to do this they should do it right.’ So I called the
Times and got to an editor and told him that I was with
Surfer and they should use the magazine as a resource. The
editor, though, told me, ‘Who are you to define someone else’s surf
experience?’ And that was a great epiphany for me.”
I shrieked in horror. If a New York Times editor would
have asked me, “Who are you to define someone else’s surf
experience?” I would have slammed the phone down, gotten a plane,
flown to JFK, gotten in a cab and gone straight to the paper’s
Manhattan office. Once there I would find the editor, march up to
him, show him my neck tan and my baby pterygium and said, “I’m Chas
Smith. Who the hell are you?”
Surf culture is wonderful precisely because of its rigid
definitions. Its archaic rules. It bizarre nuance that we learn
over time. Its lineup etiquette. Its vocabulary. Its strut and its
silliness. Its hours and hours, years and years, spent sitting in
water. Paddling out in wind blown slop and pulling in to closeout
tubs. Everyone is invited but, like Hell’s Angels, everyone has to
get jumped in. We may be dumb, pointless, selfish, shallow and
generally worthless but we have spent our lives becoming these
things.
By removing any barrier to entry, by defining “surfer” as
broadly as “someone who has, at least once, either ridden something
in a body of water and/or thought about it” The Inertia
takes the joy out of belonging.
That’s why it is a piece of shit and Zach Weisberg knows it. An
indefensible piece of shit but God bless the man for having enough
intestinal fortitude to shake my hand.
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Frontside vs. backside: which dampens your
drawers?
Watch: Goofies Fight to the Death!
By Michael Ciaramella
Survey at the end!
Do you like to frontside or backside?
I’d say the vast majority, maybe 80% of surfers worldwide would
prefer to be on their forehand. It makes sense — you can see the
wave better, there are more options in terms of maneuvers and, if
you’re that type of gal, the frontside bottom turn allows one to
show off her assets. Her Alana Blanchard!
But the backhand, oh she’s a dark power. More grunt than grace
but beautiful it’s nonetheless. All it takes is one heelside hanger
to make a believer out of me. In fact, I find it difficult to
imagine a simpler, more appealing turn than a backside vert. And
boy do the CT judges agree!
Recently Clay Marzo and Ramzi Boukhiam, two talented goofies
from half’a world apart, showed their hands.
Ramzi, hailing from Morocco, is a real motherfucker on the
backhand — like a tall Tom Carroll or a caramel Wiggolly Dantas.
This winter North Africa was hit with a few behemoth swells and
Ramzi shut the joint down. No-grab tubes were his go-to, but a few
of the turns in between will make you squeal like a pig. Please,
indulge!
Up next is Marzo. Maui’s greatest enigma is currently filming
for his second profile film, This Is Clay, which means
these clips are likely throwaways. Because of Clay’s immense
talent, the reel remains totally bonkers despite its B-grade
nature. Clay sticks to his beloved left-handers and gorges on a
platter of tubes, turns, and the odd slob. Watch!
Now the question: who did it better? Backside or front? Dark or
light? Quiksilver or JSLV?
I think Ramzi took this one, but only with the advantages of
wave quality and not withholding A-clips.
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Grom Abuse: Christian Fletcher Speaks!
By Michael Ciaramella
SoCal is hot right now!
After the whole London
incident, there’s been heaps of chatter about grom
abuse. What is acceptable, what isn’t, and why are these goddamn
kids so disrespectful?
Most people over forty believe that the hardened, hierarchical
surf culture of the seventies, eighties, and nineties
bred fairness and respect. Today, they argue, the promotion of
lineup equality has wreaked havoc on surf spots all around the
world, most notably Salt Creek and Lowers.
I took a
stance that doesn’t quite refute their overarching
sentiment, but more or less scolds old men who think it’s cool to
physically or emotionally assault a kid. Even if he’s being a
shit-head.
However, one voice has stood out above the rest, and it’s not
just because all his letters are big. The following has been
attributed to Christian Fletcher and reposted onto FB from
somewhere. Maybe the Stab comment section!
I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!
MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN FLETCHER AND SORRY ABOUT THE LANGUAGE AHEAD OF
TIME BUT THIS HAS GONE ON TO LONG AND IF YOUR OFFENEDED BY IT GOOD
YOU SHOULD BE CAUSE YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!
FUCK LONDON FUCK HIS MOM AND FUCK IAN CAIRNS THEY CAN ALL EAT
A BAG OF DICKS.
IM SO TIRED OF THESE ENTITLED LITTLE LIMP WRISTED FUCKING PUSSIES
THEY DROP IN ON ME CRASH INTO ME AND THEN TELL ME “FUCK YOU LEAVE”
AND THEN I GO TO GRAB THEM AND THERE FRIEND START YELLING “FUCK YOU
HE IS ONLY 17 “SO I SAY “FUCK YOU I DONT GIVE A FUCK” AND THIS
HAPPENS KINDA REGULARLY TO ME AT MORE PLACES THAN JUST SALT
CREEK
MY DAD HAS DROPPED IN ON ME AND RAN ME OVER MY WHOLE LIFE AND IF HE
DIDNT RUN ME OVER ON THE WAVE HE WOULD RUN ME OVER WHILE I WAS
PADDLING OUT AND I THANK HIM FOR THAT CAUSE HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO
SURF WITH ANY CROWD
THEN GUYS LIKE Q -TIP WOULD BE YELLING BEAT IT GROM FROM THE WATER
WHILE I WOULD BE WALKING DOWN THE SAND DUNES THEN DROP IN ON ME AND
DING MY BRAND NEW BOARD AND YOU WHAT I DID ABOUT IT, I DIDNT DO
SHIT CAUSE THATS THE WAY IT GOES I WAS A KID AND I LEARNED RESPECT
AND THE KIDS NOW HAVE NONE SO FUCK THEM FUCK THIER PARENTS AND FUCK
THE POLICE FOR WASTING OUR HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS THE MOM AND KID
SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESSTED FOR MAKING A FALSE CALL AND HAVE TO PAY
RESTITUTION FOR FOR IT AND IAN HAS DONE NOTHING BUT HOLD SURFING
BACK FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS ATLEAST HAHAHA HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM
TRY TO SURF IN THOSE 30YEARS WHAT A JOKE BIGGEST KOOK IN THE WATER
MY GRANDPA IS 85 AND STILL SURFS BETTER THAN IAN AND IAN IS YOUNGER
THAN MY DAD!!!
SO IM SORRY BUT ABOUT THE LANGUAGE BUT BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE
WILL UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUS THIS PROBLEM IS, EVEN AT TRESTLES THERE
IS PARENTS PUSHING THEIR 5YEAR OLD KIDS INTO WAVES IN FRONT OF
PEOPLE WHEN I WAS YOUNG KIDS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SURF TRESTLES JUST
LIKE THEY SHOULD NOT PLAY KICKBALL ON THE FREEWAY
SO I SIT ON THE INSIDE AND DROP IN ON THEM SOMETIMES AS WELL
BECAUSE THIER PARENTS ARE TEACHING THEM WRONG FROM THE START SO I
FEEL INCLINED TO COUNTER ACT THAT BEHAVIOR RIGHT WHEN IT IS BEING
LEARNED!!!! GOOD JOB DIVEL AND I JUST MIGHT NEED SOME OF THAT
INSURANCE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT CAUSE IM NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT
AND JUST SO HAPPENS IANS KIDS FAVORITE SKATEBOARDER IS MY SON
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS WHAT I CALL KARMA
My ears are ringing but it’s imperative we analyze this
masterpiece!
First of all, poor Ian Cairns. “You surf worse than my grandpa”
is a pretty hard one to come back from. Maybe he just needs a
coach? What do you guys think? We could crowdfund and get him
surfing under Micro. They’ll be called Freak the Mighty
and will take the WSA Super-Senior division by storm!
Then there’s this quote:
MY DAD HAS DROPPED IN ON ME AND RAN ME OVER MY WHOLE LIFE
AND IF HE DIDNT RUN ME OVER ON THE WAVE HE WOULD RUN ME OVER WHILE
I WAS PADDLING OUT AND I THANK HIM FOR THAT CAUSE HE TAUGHT ME HOW
TO SURF WITH ANY CROWD
Having recently watched the
greatest surf film, Surf’s Up, Christian’s
anecdote couldn’t be more hilarious. If you haven’t seen (and you
must), the movie’s antagonist is an impeccably skilled,
exceptionally douchey surf-penguin named Tank “Shredder” Evans, and
one of the movie’s best scenes has him pulling a “Herbie”! Please
watch:
Then, maybe the best part of Christian’s whole spiel comes
out:
EVEN AT TRESTLES THERE IS PARENTS PUSHING THEIR 5YEAR OLD
KIDS INTO WAVES IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHEN I WAS YOUNG KIDS WERE NOT
ALLOWED TO SURF TRESTLES JUST LIKE THEY SHOULD NOT PLAY KICKBALL ON
THE FREEWAY
SO I SIT ON THE INSIDE AND DROP IN ON THEM SOMETIMES AS WELL
BECAUSE THIER PARENTS ARE TEACHING THEM WRONG FROM THE START SO I
FEEL INCLINED TO COUNTER ACT THAT BEHAVIOR RIGHT WHEN IT IS BEING
LEARNED!!!!
Is this not the greatest image your mind has endeavored to
conceive? A forty-something Christian Fletcher — covered
tip-to-tip in tattoos and riding a fluorescent dildo of a
surfboard — purposefully sitting on the inside-third of a world
class wave with the sole intention of snaking five-year-olds? Is
there anything more Fletcher?
Now a word on Christian…
By legitimizing airs in the competitive spectrum, Christian
Fletcher altered our sport’s trajectory both
literally and metaphorically. In that sense, I appreciate what
he’s done for surfing.
But does that mean I have to respect him as a person, or
give credence to his middle-aged immaturity? Of course
not!
If Christian believes that his abusively-depicted
upbringing has led him to become a role model for
groms then, holy shit, that’s actually fucking crazy. I can’t
imagine someone I’d less like to share a lineup with, let alone
influence my nonexistent children. Maybe Wardo. Maybe.
So while he’s right that kids are becoming less respectful
in lineups, it’s important to consider the flip side. Many of the
grumpiest, least tolerable people in lineups grew up in Christian’s
dystopian/utopian era. So did it actually do them any good?
One of the most overlooked aspects here is first-child
syndrome. Parents are typically extra-careful with their firstborn
— something about the evolutionary drive to pass on their DNA to
future generations — but by the time the Kid Two comes around, they
usually realize he’ll be fine with a little less
“parenting”. The end result is Kid Two gets to attend parties,
watch rated-R films, and have more fun.
Naturally, this causes jealousy in Kid One. “Why can Tommy go to
concerts? He’s only fifteen! I had to wait until I was seventeen!”
he can be heard shouting from community college.
Maybe old guys are just jealous they couldn’t catch set
waves when they were fifteen?
