Science: Surf proves the earth is flat!

7 years ago

"WATER has never been shown to curve in any container!"

Nature is endlessly magical and it is really no wonder that the ancients worshipped her rocks, trees and oceans. The sun rises and sets. The earth spins around her. Or maybe not for this morning the Instagram account @aframeking used the very waves we ride to prove definitely that, much to Kelly Slater’s chagrin, the earth is indeed flat. Let us read his case.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BeZNhQuBtGz/?taken-by=aframeking

Dramatic interplay between Ocean and Earth.

Once all the swell energy rolls to the boundary of land which contains it, WATER always returns and maintains perfect level, as in Sea Level.

Here on Instagram we see images looking out towards the horizons of many, many thousands of locations all over the Earth showing a perfectly flat straight Horizon Line. (unless shot with a wide-angle or fish eye type lens)

The primary question that fuels the Flat vs. Round Earth debate is that in order to have a sphere or ball you must have consistent curve radiating down away from every single point on earth in 360 degrees.

Logically and scientifically speaking, if WATER covers some 70%+ of our known world, and WATER has never been shown to curve in any container, pond, lake, inland sea, or ocean then how can we be on a ball?

Additionaly, WATER also has never been demonstrated to cling uniformly to the exterior of any shape, regardless that it be motionless or in the case of the globe earth constantly spinning at around 1000 miles per hour at the Equator, while rocketing at some 66,000 miles per hour in our annual orbit around around the Sun, which they tell us is 93,000,000 miles away.

Convinced? You should be but in case not let us now turn to those who commented.

At least your good at taking pictures, because your 100% certifiably insane. Whatever drugs your on, I suggest you quit.

Ever heard of gravitational acceleration? Stick to photography.

Why are u guys spreading flat earth bullshit? Epic lineup tho lol

Please be advised not post anything like this again and also to remove this photo. Please don’t insult the rest of our humanities intelligence with your stupid ridicule.

Etc. Etc.

But let me ask you a quick question. Does the flat earth theorizing completely embitter you? When someone suggests they believe do you feel the bile rising? Do you want to rip them to shreds? I suppose I don’t really understand the vitriol. Chemtrails are much more offensive.

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Happy children play major role in viral video.

Watch: Assassin Whales Stalk Happy Children!

By Derek Rielly

7 years ago

Are you terrified of being eaten alive in the surf?

Yesterday, a news piece hit the wire of two frolicking children being surrounded by a couple of Killer Whales or assassin whales (Ballena asesina) as the Spanish like to call ’em.

It’s a hell of a good show. Panicked yells of “Stay still! Stay still…stay still!” provide the soundtrack as the two Killer Whales swim towards two kids who cling to each other for dear life.

Watch here.

Afterwards, newspapers were quick to assure swimmers that the Killer Whale poses no threat to humanity. Very few recorded attacks and so forth.

And that is mostly true except for those poor Whales in pools who, eventually and justifiably it might be admitted, turn on their jailers.

(If you’re a sick bastard, click on this.)

I want to ask:

Do you ever contemplate being eaten alive while you surf? Either by shark, whale or whatever else lurks in the depths, maybe a stingray barb through the heart?

Does it worry you? Does it occupy the majority of your thoughts when the sun goes down just a little or is yet to creep over the horizon? When a school of baitfish turns the water black?

Or are you an evolved human being who believes dying doing what you love would be the… etc… etc?

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Rumor: Beer giant to sponsor WSL!

By Chas Smith

7 years ago

Let the good times roll?

Man if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Rumor-mongering is a tough business. Sure it feels good to break that story, just ask Stab magazine’s Ashton Goggans‘ alter ego Adjunct Professor (by the way I found out who the Adjunct Professor actually is and it is the most priceless thing ever. Seriously. Like… I’ve been laughing non-stop for four days.) But in order to get that story you have to be amongst it, not writing damned books or skiing in Aspen. That’s why I am the most thankful for you. You share what you hear, I vet then publish.

And here we go. The vetting on this is, I’ll admit, slim but let’s not let that get in the way. A fantastic gentleman emailed:

This morning out near the Venice Breakwater, I heard a guy talking to another guy about Anheuser-Busch perhaps sponsoring the WSL. The guy saying it was only an OK surfer, so it might be legit! (Clearly don’t run with my word but maybe a well-placed call…) Perhaps the WSL is getting its act together? I kid…

A well-placed text is pending but let’s think about this for a moment. You are of course familiar with the famed Bud Tour. It was a surfing series and a young Kelly Slater won many of the events. You also remember the Bud Light Air Shows where Josh Kerr was the champion. You also remember the Bud Light Lime Surf Tour or maybe you don’t but anyhow it existed.

So for Bud, Bud Light and Bud Light Lime’s parent company to get back in the game… well, it’s a rumor that don’t need much vetting at all. And I have a proposal. Anheuser-Bush should also sponsor the brand new Facebook series “Li’l Jam off the Top feat. Longtom n friends” the new BeachGrit show that delves into the anti-depressive side of professional surfing. Or maybe they will be too busy. Maybe we should get a whiskey sponsor. Just think how angry Joel Tudor would be.

Longtom, do you drink whiskey?

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Validation: The Rock loves Huntington!

By Chas Smith

7 years ago

The world's biggest star waxes on about, "...your bronze skin and bikinis and baby oil …”

Nothing gives a municipality a shot of pride like a Hollywood production coming into town. Nothing gives surfing a bigger smile than being recognized by someone, anyone, outside of surfing. And so when Dwayne “The Rock” Johnston took his HBO show Ballers to Huntington Beach in order to film an episode about surfing than SUPER WOW!

WOOOOOOW!

WOW!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BeXMK9qlYhS/?taken-by=therock

Let’s read the Orange County Register.

The pro wrestler-turned-movie-star was hanging out in Surf City all day Wednesday, Jan. 24, shooting a surf scene for the hit HBO show “Ballers,” in which he stars as a retired football superstar trying to reinvent himself as a financial manager for current players in Miami.

The filming created a buzz in the town south of Hollywood, though irked some locals who weren’t able to catch waves on the south side of the pier.

But having a major TV production with the likes of the Rock in town helps keep Huntington Beach in the spotlight and generates a chunk of revenue that goes back to the city, say those who helped bring the production to the city.

Johnson talked about the “hundreds and hundreds of extras” who were shooting for the Season 4 episode during the big surf tournament scene on the beach. Among the extras were pro surfer Teddy Navarro, a regular at the Huntington Beach Pier, and Hawaiian pro surfer Kalani Robb. Photos from the filming showed the two surfers in jerseys among the cast.

How excited is Kalani Robb whenever anyone is putting surf in their advertisement/movie/show? Now is a perfect time to re-read Derek Rielly’s classic Kalani Robb is the Happy Hawaiian Waiter!

This also very much reminds me when the Christian rock n roll band Petra came to Coos Bay, Oregon when I was 11 years old to film the mini-movie music video Beyond Belief. My father was cast as the “track coach” and for one brief moment I knew how Drew Barrymore felt.

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Kid stares into telephone, and into the eyes of Kelly Slater, his fat lips murmuring, "This ain't official… but…"

Feel-good: Shane Dorian’s Keiki Classic!

By Derek Rielly

7 years ago

Watch as Kelly Slater presents one kid with the prize of a lifetime! Oooeee, it's beautiful.

I get a real kick out of kid contests that grow out of the dirt of good intentions. That have tradition. That have a vitality you don’t get from those events manufactured to push a marketing angle. (Kids as gullible consumers and so forth.)

Last weekend, Shane Dorian held his twenty-third annual Keiki Classic at Banyan’s, a rippable peak, on the Big Island. No entry fee, just bring a tin of food for the poor, for the homeless. Lifeguards teaching the kids how to belt a heartbeat back into an unconscious pal. Low-level sadomasochistic games. Laughs.

Good vibrations, as they used to say.

The highlight of this four-minute reel by Peter King (a BeachGrit staple who’s appeared in such notable stories as, Peter King: “This is terrorism”, Blood Feud: Peter King vs Climate Change, Peter King: “It’s time to kill the WQS” and many more) is the announcement of the sportsmanship prize at the end.

The winner, a fourteen-year-old boy, Luke Heflin, is handed a telephone by Shane, who has FaceTimed Kelly Slater.

“This is unofficial,” says Kelly, “But…”

Oh it’ll make you weep! (Unless your heart is calcified, of course.)

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Eat beach grit spam!