For all its faults God bless Huntington Beach.
I didn’t make it to the US Open of Surfing this year because I was in Copenhagen, Denmark drinking natural orange wines, swimming beneath a hot late evening sun, shopping for trunks with very clean lines and eating Michelin stars. It was a wonderful time. A perfect time. But I just read a story in the Los Angeles Times that gave me severe FOMO.
Here it is.
Huntington Beach police reported making 80 arrests during the nine-day Vans U.S. Open of Surfing, which ended Sunday, though public safety officials said there was “nothing major or significant” compared with last year’s event.
Police Chief Robert Handy said during Monday night’s City Council meeting that, in addition to the arrests, police recorded:
83 criminal reports
50 criminal citations
260 civil citations
181 alcohol-related citations
368 traffic citations
884 parking violations
Fire Chief David Segura said Fire Department medical personnel saw 38 patients, 26 of whom were taken to hospitals.
First-aid volunteers, who handle minor cuts, bruises and heat issues, treated and released 237 patients, Segura said.
And is the US Open in Huntington Beach the last bastion for bad behavior on tour? And by “on tour” I mean on the Women’s tour? Son of a bitch. I mean daughter of a bitch. I wish I had been there. I did speak with my other favorite surf photographer besides Steve Sherman who worked ten full days and he said there is no longer a ground zero for surfers/surf industry/surf journalists.
Back in my day the Shorebreak was it. Wandering though its lobby was a minefield of dirty looks, elbow jabs, faux shakas and good-natured laughs. The bar was Taj Burrow grinning ear to ear while drinking ghastly Corona. The restaurant, then called Zimzala, is where Joe G. introduced me to the Border Patrol. Half margarita, half beer, tons of hot sauce.
Next year I would like to suggest a BeachGrit Bar where we can all come, drink Border Patrols, then try to get arrested.
Are you in?
What if I throw an STD into the mix?
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That’s a whole lotta police work to make sure another Andy Gump doesn’t get tipped over!
When will ICE file their report?
Joe G, damn haven’t heard that name I a while. Dude can rip the hell out of a pool toy for sure. And he loves to burn surfers at pumping wedge.
you are giving away your STDs ?
Surfing event are a Racket!
Ohhh yay!!!…. me too !!!! Aren’t 9:30 am mimosas the BEST!!!!
a 9:30 mimosa certainly helps take the sting out of an 11:30 waxing and colon bleach. (according to a friend)
As long as you don’t put the citrus juice on your bum and the champagne bottle in it ? (A friend advised me for your friend )
Haha!!!!
Greeny. I ain’t a stock-standard SJW.
I’m a progressive, balding, grumpy old bastard.
And yes was making a funny.
Dont worry, you’ll be waterman of the year next.
WaterPERSON.
It’s all about gender fluidity YOU BASTARD!!!
Fluids are my specialty channelbum.
OAT BRAN FTW!!!
How much does you got?
They don’t just give the POS away. You gotta pay to play.
How many cases of chlamydia and crabs?
It’s the seaside so I’m guessing there’s no shortage of clams and crabs.
Perhaps I’ve misunderstoodified your question.
Robert Handy lol
You sweet talking charmer, you.
I still think the tagline should be… The US Open of Surfing “It’s Riot!”. The marketing team at Vans didn’t laugh when I told them that idea 🙁
Next time,you could suggest, to the radical skate punks at Vans, that all great contests have a theme song . You could then discuss the importance of HELLS BELLS being played to set the tone for the day at the Bells Easter Classic before dropping the bomb that The Clash’s WHITE RIOT be blared from the Pier ( gift wrapped in camouflage meshing )every hour on the hour ,starting of heats with WW2 air raid siren and prizes for creative bonfires built with a seditionary theme while the surfing scene from Apocalypse Now is played on loop on enormous video screens ? All this a marketing ploy for Vans to release the world’s first steel capped toed camouflage skate shoe !(inbuilt zippo lighter in sole optional )
Don’t underestimate the boiling cauldron of suburban soccer moms for a potential riot….. with a simple Chardonnay to spark the flame
take the Ritalin out of the streets and mum riots will be all over the place
Haha!!!! Ohhhh what would they do!!!!!
Love me a faux shaka – chuck a few when I’m trying to merge into heavy traffic
I guess, drinking games were a better option than watching the contest. Have to say, given what the swell looked like, I was surprised that the WSL commentary team didn’t get showered with empty beer bottles.
I just sent my wife to make me a Border Patrol. How much hot sauce are we talking and what type?
Cholula and lots!
We had to use Tapatio. It’s good. Thanks.
Wow.
If I “sent my wife” to make me a drink I’d be sleeping on the doorstep for a week.
I must come visit the 1950’s, it sounds pretty good for the men-folk.
Let me guess ? Your wife is Australian ?(Please note I have the greatest respect for my sisters , mother , grandmothers,nieces and female friends from Australia ) I spent my first year in France apologizing to my French partner everytime I asked her to get me a drink or if it was ok to go for a surf . Her reply “ why are you apologizing , your a man , it’s normal , you can do or have what you like . “ .
God I love the French.
I like the part in the parentheses wherein you avoid an ass kicking the next time you visit home. Shrewd!
Hawaii has Da Hui , Australia has women .Diplomacy is the best policy !
She used to bartend and still has a knack for mixing a fine drink. I make horrible drinks. She jumps at the chance to make me a drink. Don’t worry, I fully appreciate how lucky I am. (I won’t go into details about the panties she was wearing when she served me the Border Patrol. Then you’ll get really mad)
I’m just jealous.
https://www.youtube.com/wat….
bring back the 80’s
you drank whhhhaaattttttt fuck that sounds vile
I’d be fully up for anything involving A: Booze, B: Chili-based foods C: er. what were we talking about?
yeah. I couldn’t stop thinking of that. tainted my reading and my breakfast. maybe Chas got tourist tricked. Like Belgian strawberry beer. Nobody wants that put in them. not deep down.
Every Whit Sunday in Northern Germany I find myself literally choking on strawberries just to get to the alcohol in the beer .Possibly Invented by an ancestor of Laird ?
Flemish fruit beers are fucking awesome, as are all the rest of the beers of Belgium. Sure, Belgians are a pack of mentally challenged pederasts, but the beer is beyond contempt.
Not deep down.
Are we talking about a strawberry flavored beer or a beer with syrop de fraise or a beer with 1/2 dozen strawberries placed in the bottom of the glass ?
It appears he went to a Chevy’s Fresh Mex and drank the bus tub.
oh mannnn, about right.
margaritas are good food and should not be fucked with, is a rule i can get behind. and i’m bad at rules.
After 20 years of Bar work I can honestly say that Tequila is the poor man’s cocaine especially in countries where the idea of responsible service of alcohol plays no part in the drinking culture .
oh, tequila can go terribly wrong, i do agree with that!
Especially for those among us without a penis ? Shit I forgot about mademoiselle S , a very good friend , who weighed about 50kg , and outdrank (28 shots of tequila) the whole of the local French surfing community and left them rolling in the gutters during an eventful summer evening a la plage ! Exception to the rule .
Oh ha ha, I feel like the moments of regret happen to all of us — they just take different forms!
So be it .
How do you like your Margarita Jen? I favor the fresh lime juice, Grand Marnier and barrel-aged tequila version. Strong and somewhat heavy (sort of like a Mexican Manhattan …), but then again I’m half a loader and the other half a glutton. I’m sensing you enjoy the crisper summery iterations, silver tequila, lime, light on the Triple Sec, a little mixer? Or have a colored you too girly?
No mixer, fresh lime juice all the way. Aged tequila is a beautiful thing! I’m not sure I’ve ever had a Grand Marnier version, actually. Now I am curious.
Years ago I was at a Spanish Tapas restaurant in norcal that served what they called a Cabarita. A margarita with a Cabernet Sauvigon floater. You could leave the floater alone or stir it in creating a sangria taste. It was v good.
Oh! This sounds actually good! I would totally drink.
There’s a surf town not far from Longtom called Cabarita. Which, is forever linked to ‘The Macarena’ in my mind. Pretty hard to drive up and over the hill, catching uncrowded lines peeling off down the point and singing “AHHhhhhH, Cabaraitaah!”
Back in my day we knew how to throw a riot https://uploads.disquscdn.c…