Metaphysical questions plague the gorgeous French beachbreak!
Used to be it seemed a year long tour was a grand idea. But if I’m being honest, which is what they pay me for, I’m suffering extreme pro surfing fatigue by the time the European leg rolls around. My interest seems to peak sometime around J-Bay or Tahiti with maybe a late flare up for a classic Pipe finish.
Having to wade through the whole 34 man field again, not once but twice just seems cruel and unusual punishment. A two-week long Test Match between Bangladesh and Afghanistan was how BG principal Derek Rielly phrased it in a text message. Minus John John and Slater I want match-ups with contenders not another two-day slog before we get anywhere near the chase.
Sophie wants to grow the audience, new hire Erik Logan calls the league brimming with “untapped potential” and they keep throwing out the same product.
How to actually grow the audience? An answer may lay in pro surfings sister sport, MMA and it’s pro league UFC. I’m not a fan, the equivalent of Backwards Fin Beth, what hard-core fight fans derisively term “casuals”. But the pre-fight hype for the Conor McGregor/Khabib fight effortlessly drew me in …..did you see? Presser one in NYC Conor (biggest sports star in the world) told Khabib to “shut yer mouth ya mad backwards cunt”, called him a “little fanboi bitch”. Called his manager a ‘terrorist snitch”, his Dad a “quivering coward”.
Not to everyones taste, but Joe Carr former UFC exec, now chief strategy officer for WSL must have gazed longingly, lovingly at it. That ability to generate hype, draw a crowd, get the fucking despised casuals to get drastic with the plastic; what a dream for Sophie and the new hires.
Who would be the mad backwards cunt? Who the quivering coward? The fanboi bitch? ….assuming Pro Surfing dropped the #blessed and went full UFC.
Sunny days in France playing happy families while we wait for a roughie to bolt from the back of the pack is lovely stuff. Touching. Chances of that drawing in a casual= nil. Chew on that Erik. You can draw up all the direct to consumer pseudo pay-per-view the Universe directs you to but unless you build a proper drawcard, you ain’t got shit. The same thing we’ve had since J-Bay. Two thousand hard-cores sipping peppermint tea on Facey cheering on their gal.
In perfect French beachbreaks with a ton of waves ridden Jordy sneaked past Zeke, a mild robbery , with a neat little left tube on the buzzer. An entertaining heat.
Italo was several notches ahead in speed, power and repertoire in his Rd3 heat against Yago and Asing. A huge dagger knifed into the neck of a throaty closeout – a turn only he and maybe Colapinto can pull – was lowballed for a 7. Other waves pushed him into a comfortable lead that was never headed. Any hopes Dora might ride some momentum from his silky Air Show victory were quashed by a bumbling performance.
Julian Wilson laid down the best ride of the morning, a deeply threaded tube, greased alley oop and hammer finish for an 8.5. The days first excellent score. It looked like the Day of the Decade at a Coolum beachie and he treated it just like that. Easy win…..but in the post heat presser there was still that suspicion that J-dub was over-analysing during heats, leading to mistakes in execution and decision making. Not in this heat, but that is the pattern. Everything is going fine, until it’s not. Maybe he can overcome that mental weakness. Maybe not.
Medina started cool in heat 5 against Tomas Hermes and ex rookie Ryan Callinan , then just cooly opened up on two rights to ice the heat. 80% winning percentage in Europe. Mad cunt. I don’t mean that rudely, just using it as an example of what a spicy presser to build an audience might contain Erik. The biggest sports star in the world calls his opponent a mad backwards cunt, in public, in front of an online audience in the hundreds of thousands. I mean mad cunt in the Australian sense as a term of praise.
What? Surfing’s different you say?
No it’s not you mad cunt, well only in the sense that it’s spent the last 30 years trying to build an audience by throwing out the same moldy product the mainstream has rejected time after time after time. Listen to your chief Strategy officer Joe Carr who said there are a “ton of parallels between both companies (WSL and UFC).” If there is a difference it is that UFC doesn’t seem intent on dumbing down the product to piss off its hard-core fan base. It’s not the broadcast, it’s the build-up. Good heat in perfect surf. Medina in total control.
Filipe was off in the next heat. A little flakey. Nervey. Couldn’t quite nail a lofted lien air, was out of rhythm, got frustrated and dropped his bundle. He didn’t need much against a strong Connor O’leary and french wildcard Couzinet. But he could not get it done. My view: I would like to see Filipe win next two events and clinch the title before Pipe with a delicious low stakes victory lap at the Pipeline for the haters. Chances of that happening: next to nil.
My favourite wave was ridden in the next heat by Adriano De Souza, owner of the most improved skill set in pro surfing. He sizzled one right hand wave with so much extra torque in the turn it made me pine even harder for John Florence. Midnight in Australia, just me and my 2 thousand homies watching… I have to look up the results to see who won heats 8 and 9.
I watched but I must have been wide awake dreaming. Pat Gudang won on a bright yellow board with two big styled out backhand thwacks. Ace sliced and diced….he would definitely not be the fanboi bitch, or the quivering coward.
Too good. Lordy, lordy. Can you shorten this Euro leg as first order of biz Erik?
Pretty please you mad cunt.
Quiksilver Pro France Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 13.86, Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 13.33, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 11.07
Heat 2: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 10.70, Owen Wright (AUS) 10.56, Joan Duru (FRA) 9.50
Heat 3: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 13.40, Keanu Asing (HAW) 10.70, Yago Dora (BRA) 4.57
Heat 4: Julian Wilson (AUS) 13.67, Frederico Morais (PRT) 10.46, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 7.74
Heat 5: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 11.93, Tomas Hermes (BRA) 11.26, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 10.33
Heat 6: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 10.17, Filipe Toledo (BRA) 9.10, Jorgann Couzinet (REU) 4.00
Heat 7: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.50, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 8.50, Wade Carmichael (AUS) 8.00
Heat 8: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.43, Ian Gouveia (BRA) 13.23, Kolohe Andino (USA) 9.97
Heat 9: Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 13.90, Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 6.67, Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 1.50
Heat 10: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 14.24, Michel Bourez (PYF) 11.90, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 10.83
Heat 11: Mikey Wright (AUS) 15.30, Conner Coffin (USA) 13.73, Michael February (ZAF) 10.77
Heat 12: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 10.93, Willian Cardoso (BRA) 8.67, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 5.90
Quiksilver Pro France Round 2 (H1-2) Results
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.84 def. Jorgann Couzinet (FRA) 7.77
Heat 2: Ryan Callinan (AUS) 16.10 def. Owen Wright (AUS) 12.17
Quiksilver Pro France Remaining Round 2 (H3-12) Matchups:
Heat 3: Wade Carmichael (AUS) vs. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA)
Heat 4: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)
Heat 5: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 6: Michel Bourez (PYF) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
Heat 7: Willian Cardoso (BRA) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 8: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 9: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 10: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 11: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Tomas Hermes (BRA)
Heat 12: Yago Dora (BRA) vs. Frederico Morais (PRT)
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the voice of the announcer in that jeep ad. +what he says.
The UFC has been through the same sanitising process as surfing – bought out by media group, the Reebok deal, the Fox Sports deal – over saturation and crap fighters they were on a serious downward spiral, perhaps hidden by revenue in international expansion….blessed by Conor (& Rousey before that) keeping casual interest through a whole quagmire of shit
UFC sanitised???
Russian Muslim vs crazy Irish/the world/non-Muslim was a brave narrative and they fucking threw petrol on the fire and burnt the house down.
Even Putin himself weighed in with hints of WW3 possibility!!!
And they never pander to kooks- you will never hear Rogan explain what an overhand right or a triangle is. They expect you to know or catch up fast.
Erik was brought in as brickies labourer, just helping dirk build that paywall
The comp was on middle of the night here in Cal but I watched a few minutes while the dog was out doing it’s thing. Does Wade Carmichael “ride” for WSL clothes or did I dream that?
Take a look at Mikey Wright’s two top waves from Round 1 and please explain to me how he got anything higher than a combined 8pt total. Makes me very glad I did not not watch any of the contest today.
the fanboi bitch is Turpel.
Can we appreciate the fact that the WSL put up an instagram post about how “Hossegor was straight firing tonight after the event” and Michel Bourez put the boot in with a comment about “Nope, it was firing all day there at la gravière! The whole France got barrel today except us… who were in the comp surfing that burger left (insert shaka symbol)”.
That sounds like some of the spice you’re looking for Longtom, maybe Michel can be our man!
Also on another point, I really need fucking Julian to win something so that those of us who are stuck surfing Coolum every day have something to cheer about for once.
But hasn’t he moved to Newy?
He has. But we poor Sunny Coast people already lost Keely to a knee injury so we’ll hang onto our only other hope
Would be epic if when John Johns back, and straight after winning his first event with Zeke Lau in the final, jumps off the shoulders of those chairing(?) him up the beach and starts scrapping Jake Paterson. Then while that’s going down JJ’s posse Nate, Koa, Koa, Koa, all rush Zeke and coward punch him. Then Sophie steps in calms the situation mildy and says to John “If I give you the throphy here, everyone is going to rush the stage”. He still gets the win… But there will be some sort of insignificant fine. WSL is apologetic to surf fans for this behaviour but absolutely stoked at the same time and hopes it will continue.
Saturday was P4P best fight card i’ve seen in a LONG time…
When I was thirteen
I had untapped potential
Pussy ended that
The difference is that to the ‘casuals’ an MMA fight looks like a gnarly fight between two jacked dudes. Thrilling. Surfing? To the ‘casuals’ surfing looks like some casual turns on a not-big wave. Weather it’s Hermes surfing 3 ft mush or Medina slicing 8 ft Fiji, that’s how it looks to them. Don’t think you can ever overcome that basic visual disconnect.
oh that’s an easy one. contests in big, heavy waves only. more guys in each heat. no more “priority”, just whoever’s deeper gets the wave. just like in real life.
the people like wipeouts. give ’em a few wipeouts.
That’s where the money is Rico. Drama, consequence and real stories being told and sold.
I went to a UFC gathering at a mates place who forked out the $100Au or whatever it was. We were glued to our seats for 3 hours, and that was only the main card.
The scarcity of events and opportunities makes the fighters um, fight for it.
Each fight increased in skill and intensity until the crescendo which nearly blew the roof off, 15 people screaming their lungs out. Then they burnt the house down to finish.
That will go down as one of the fights of our generation.
*$100 / 15 = $6.67 per head for 3 hours of thrilling entertainment. Cheap IMHO
Yeah spot on – needs the drama!!
I almost vomited when julian crapped on how epic it is to be a dad and how challenging and fun it is!! Get fucked cunt, try having 3 under 3 with a real job at one stage!!
Then the commentators talked him as some sort of parenting legend. They are all loved up and soft
NC says it above Medina needs a protagonist – then its light vs dark!! or I reckon country vs country will bring the hate.
People will pay if the drama and build up is there
True! I think its pretty easy being an unshit parent when you”re pulling down ~$1m a year and have a flexible schedule.
Okay maybe. But I’ve shown buddies perfect 10 ft Cloudbreak and they turn to me and go ‘you surf waves like this, right.’ They didn’t perceive it as gnarly.
This is the core issue, years of big wave clips and a lack of actual experience makes a non surfer or “casual” fan tone deaf to what they are actually seeing most of the time. A well overhead, barreling wave looks average to them.
I think it’s a land vs. ocean thing. We (humans) can grasp the physics of land stuff much more easily. Like, non-skiers can be wowed by olympic skiiing because they can picture that speed and power.
it may seem like a small thing, but i really think surfing would feel much more exciting to the viewer if it were broadcast with the actual audio of the waves breaking vs. both the joe turpel commentary and/or the music we hear in surf films. even if one were to mix the music with the sound of the waves, it’d help. i honestly don’t get it – the goal should be to replicate as closely as possible the experience of being right in the middle of the action, and yet they turn down the awesome sound of the actual waves breaking.
You’re right. Things like Redbull Cape Fear are the equivalent product to MMA/UFC. An obvious sense of risk that a person who has never set food in the ocean can feel just by watching and a victory criteria that is easy to understand, don’t die and get the highest score on a really scary looking wave. I don’t see that same viewer paying attention to a bracketed multi day contest in head high beachbreak. I love surf but I’m glad it’s not my job to sell it to the masses.
Except the UFC actually has a good guy/bad guy script that’s the real kicker. Russian/Muslim vs the Irish/World/non-Muslim was so well played
there is no lethal mixture dose of Ritalin/morphine/heroine that could slow down Pat GuadasKansas….. God bless him…. i guess….
On the Quicksilver Pro 2025 there will be a lot of lump and bump in the face of the wave as well so don’t get tired too soon of your job
gabriel medina and bobby martinez are the only pro surfers who’d have no problem getting into character and getting psyched up for battle. everyone else: “yeah, it was really fun out there, it’s just so sick getting to surf with just a couple other guys out…blah blah blah..”
I think the vaguely saddest thing about the tour is that Gabriel has never found the enemy he craves and deserves.
If someone pushed back at him, someone of his level, and made him push back, I bet everyone would get way more interested. That guy is Cheyne without MR, Curren without Occy, Andy without Kelly, and half the old tour without Sunny.
sooooooooo right……
Yeah, people want controversy and they get the ultimate villain and then don’t appreciate it. I fucking love the guy. And the wsl putting out all the spot fires of burgeoning rivalries is a crime unto themselves.
Wait a minute-Micro!
It WAS more interesting before the ASP and the Cristian Surfers association got merged.
“I surf more than just waves” – fuck off kook
what i mean, of course, is that this advertising is yet another misguided attempt to represent and appeal to the nuances of surfers without even bothering to try and understand surfers and thus creating an insipid, rich kook mantra. maybe i’m totally wrong and this appeals to the casuals and i’m the one with anger management issues? even if that’s true, i stand by my initial comment.
the ad represents all thats wrong with large “ad agencies”. misses on all levels.
No way would I ever buy a car that surfs better than me.
that voice. whoever wrote, and approved that copy. +the ad. good luck jeep.
Is Tara the mad backwards cunt?
It may have been Beth.
She’s on to her lawyers about you already!
Which one?
Occ Vs Curren, Slater Vs Irons, Bruce & Dane reluctantly compete.
2019. Ultimate Tub Championship. Post victory, Mikey Flying Eagles™ Charlie after Gabriel had insulted Hoyo in the mechanical wedge match build up. Aussie and Brazzo fans hit the main drag of Lemoore to reenact the tubside violence. The memes flow like amoeba in a performance pond.
What is this “untapped potential” that Erik speaks of? I know it’s a convenient new-hire pull from the corporate speak grab-bag, but seriously, wtf is he referring to? I think Sophie said the same thing. Its as if they agree with longtom that the kinetic display is but flaccid expectile dysfunction.