Come see the world through the eyes of a very accomplished professional surfer!
Travel is a great and wonderful thing. A gift bestowed upon the 1%, who fly around in gilded private planes, and the poorest of the poor, who use their tired feet to walk hundreds of miles. A present given to middle class families, who wedge into economy class seats, parents watching The Big Bang Theory re-runs while their children toss biscotti at each other.
Kelly Slater, world’s most accomplished professional surfer, travels more than most and sat down recently with Conde Nast Traveller to share his secrets. Anything you didn’t already know?
Maybe.
I, for example, didn’t know that Kelly Slater was disappointed by the City of Angeles, the greatest city in the world in my opinion…
What is a city that least lived up to the hype?
Los Angeles. Don’t get me wrong, I love L.A. It has great food, a lot of my friends live there, and there are plenty of things to do. But the first time I flew into the city, I was just a kid, and I remember sitting at the window of the plane and descending through this layer of smog. I thought it was so dirty and gross—I didn’t want to breathe the air when I landed. Then there’s the traffic, which is just horrendous. You really do have to schedule your day around it. But there definitely is some good with the bad. Like, for example, the coastline. It’s nice as you get out to Malibu.
Nor did I know that he has a kink for dirty silverware…
Confess to one thing you’ve taken from a hotel room.
I used to collect the silverware from room service—that used to be my thing. For a long time, I had this mishmash of cutlery. And then, you know, if I need a towel and a hotel has a really nice towel, then maybe I’ll grab one.
What is his favorite city in the world?
Guess then look here.
If you get it right I’ll make sure your family has plenty of biscotti next time you wedge them into economy class seats.
Amazing food. And I am specifically referencing Alicia’s which, fortunately, is slowly coming back to life.
I’ve really gotta say, judging by that photo, the volume of that blue board Kelly is using is all wrong.
Slater, you thieving bastard! Just kidding, your Hugeness. I know the room rate allows for silverware and towel theft at every hotel in the world. Remember in the JJF/KS surf movie where JJF asked Slater if he could choose between uncrowded perfect surf or perfect surf in a contest, what would he do and Slater said he would prefer the contest surf as he can display his athletic prowess. Very interesting, Ananda…
San Sebastion? If I’m wrong then I don’t want to be right.
We’ve decided we want to have Kelly’s kids.
My wife is going down there today with a jar and some vaso
Well, this was just great.
Next in surfers not talking about surfing I’d like somebody to interview Ben Gravy about his thoughts on Baudrillard and hyperreality.
Jesus, Malibu is almost as bad as Venice.
Everybody loves
Conniving millionaires who
Steal from hotel rooms
Stealing fucking silverware? What a monkey.
Don’t worry. It’s likely to merely be stainless steel.
Not if he was on the QE2
You’re meant to be thinking he’s a cool punk surf donkey
Kelly’s a vacation disaster appropriator.
I nailed it! Yay me! Kelly, please call me, we have so much in common. And I have this business idea…
I collect pens.
Best hotel I’ve ever stayed in was the Soori in Bali.
Now I go to Phoenix every other week.
Yay, me.
Hey, the same magazine interviewed me! They even used the same questions!…
“Commenter Karl Von Fanningstadt holds almost no weight in the surf community, coming to fame as part of an annoying cast of anonymous hacks at BeachGrit whose exploits on modern surf message boards opened up the sport to a whole new level of crybabyism from pros and rivals. Now, HBO has got the gang back together for the new documentary Lethargic DeGeneration—and we sat down with KVF to hear his craziest hotel stories, why he’s jealous of Munchers, and his unexpected favorite view.
Where have you just come back from?
The store. I had to go buy some toilet paper. Wandering around, you see a lot of people dilly dallying around the produce section non-descriptly, like they actually eat any of that stuff, and then you hit the bread and candy aisle, which makes you wish you didn’t have that thin layer of fat over your abs.
Where in the world have you felt happiest?
My house… I would say that rarely do I feel “happy,” or its variations, per se… but, I guess for the sake of an answer I will say my favorite place is BeachGrit, where I spend way too much time. As a kid I looked at so many surf magazines and always imagined that there had to be something better. I mean, the articles were the same boring shit that a remedial seventh-grader could have written. When I was 28, I started commenting on the site and found the other commenters funny. At some point early on got responded to by Nick Carroll. The surf journalism dinosaur! That was neat. I haven’t stopped, mostly cause I have nothing else to do.
That’s not really a travel destination, but… um, name a place that lived up to the hype.
I’d have to say Munich. It was the first place I’d ever flown to. I love how normal everyday people get to live in these gorgeous old buildings and eat all the delicious fucking bread! German bread, and candy, ist sehr gut. Because I don’t really travel, visiting somewhere like Munich is cool, more so I can say I did something other than just rot until I die.
And one that least lived up to the hype?
Vancouver.
Which is your favorite city, and why?
San Diego. I don’t really know much else.
Describe a view that never gets old.
My wiener. I’m always happy to see I still have it.
Can you share a memory from a trip you took as a child?
Not really… uh, I remember sixth-grade camp at Mount Palomar… that was lame. Wait, no, I did see a mountain lion.
Describe a vacation disaster.
I was swimming at some lake in Texas and got bit by a freaking turtle.
Tell us about a great little place you know.
I have no idea what you’re referring to.
Which is the most extraordinary hotel you’ve ever stayed in?
The La Quinta in Coeur d’Alene.
Confess to one thing you’ve taken from a hotel room.
The shampoo and conditioner samples. I’m not a thief like Bobby Slater.
I lost my heart in…I’m pretty sure I still have it, otherwise I’d be dead.
You’re a nightmare of an interview… OK, who is the most interesting person you’ve met on your travels?
I don’t really talk to people unless I absolutely have to… if I’ve met you, it is likely I do not remember your name, and never will… wait, there was this one person I met on the street in Europe who talked really loudly and overgestured trying to get me to take a stress test… that’s a lame story.”
Why was the turtle freaking? Or did it just snap cause no one listens to turtle?
Because it was a snapping turtle 🥁 badoosh!
Karl great editors like your self give truth are not hired by Money Changers magazines….of hell that’s why Breachgrit is exploding with talent.
For example
https://www.zerohedge.com/n…
Crybabyism is a disease you cunt
It’s true
Even when you get old your cock looks pretty young still
Can we get Wiggs interview?
Have you got this shampoo sample? It’s a collectors item for sure.
Can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s not more popular.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Wonder how many poor innocent maids got the sack over the missing cutlery?
Less for them to clean/worry about so they don’t really care.
he forgot to mention when he stole rob machado’s surfboards before pipeline contest.
They told that story in the HBO movie “Momentum Surfers All Aged Up” (or whatever it was called) but I dont think it was the Pipeline contest…I think it was at Maurice Cole’s house in France….
Hey Rob Knives Spoons. Your thing has a name. Cleptomania.
Isn’t it spelled with a ‘k’ ?
… or did he steal that key and you’re improvising?
Yeah, sometimes I swear I can hear auto-correct snickering in the background.
Sorry, I just can’t help myself sometimes.
It’s okay CB. You’re very unique, I don’t hold it against you.
(Quietly vibrating with rage)
Lemoore, California. Snubbed again.
Hawaii… really have not been there for 3 decades….and not going again.
Kelly do you get out much?
Hawaii is awesome. Go back…spend some time.
When you have seen place I seen…no thanks… spent years in Hawaii… know all the island very well.
I worked there for two years and was lucky (smart?) enough to avoid Nanakuli but I did dip my toe in Kalihi on occasion. Other than that I really loved it.
The best Waipio Valley and Napali Coast…of course the ocean, but too crowded and sea life is basically dead compared to where I go now.
Too many slobs and not enough custodians.
I agree with you on the slobs and, sadly, that seems to be standard in a lot of places now.