Kelly Slater says, "For sure Tahiti is more in my wheelhouse than many other events."

I think, pray and hope that professional surfing is back today. The countdown clock on the World Surf League’s patented timer is ticking all the way to zero over at “The End of the Road” but I have to get in the car and drive north on “The Endless Road” before it actually reaches zero.

What’s a surf journalist to do?

If it runs and there is no “Comment Live” feed up and running, shame will haunt me for multiple hours.

If it doesn’t run and there is a “Comment Live” feed up and running, shame will haunt me until I can delete.

I’m opting for the later!

Kelly Slater says, “For sure Tahiti is more in my wheelhouse than many other events. I do have a lot of confidence there, but that doesn’t detract from needing to get out there and figure out the lineup and take note of how your competitors are looking and getting yourself on the good waves. The confidence goes up for sure though and I focus a lot more on my performance and what I can control than my competition.”

Hmmmm.

Also…

Tahiti Pro Teahupo’o pres. by Hurley Seeding Round (Round 1) Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Gabriel Medina (BRA), Peterson Cristanto (BRA), Soli Bailey (AUS)
Heat 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF), Adrian Buchan (AUS), Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 3: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN), Caio Ibelli (BRA), Adriano de Souza (BRA)
Heat 4: Italo Ferreira (BRA), Sebastian Zietz (HAW), Kauli Vaast (FRA)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA), Joan Duru (FRA), Tyler Newtown (HAW)
Heat 6: Kolohe Andino (USA), Yago Dora (BRA), Matahi Drollet (PYF)
Heat 7: Kelly Slater (USA), Deivid Silva (BRA), Francisco Morais (PRT)
Heat 8: Ryan Callinan (AUS), Willian Cardoso (BRA), Ricardo Christie (NZL)
Heat 9: Julian Wilson (AUS), Michael Rodrigues (BRA), Ezekiel Lau (HAW)
Heat 10: Michel Bourez (PYF), Jeremy Flores (FRA), Griffin Colapinto (USA)
Heat 11: Owen Wright (AUS), Wade Carmichael (AUS), Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 12: Conner Coffin (USA), Seth Moniz (HAW), Jack Freestone (AUS)

Surf until your arms fall off!

You first read about The Wave here, I think, when the world’s newest wave tank in bucolic southwestern England got into a little fight with neighbors over a license to serve alcohol. The neighbors were worried, understandably, with all that surfing followed by all that drinking, the region would devolve into a drunken, lust-filled hell.

Well, The Wave won the fight, will be serving alcohol and will also swing the gates wide for that alcohol this November.

You can pre-book now and it seems very reasonable. Sessions will cost £40-45 for an adult and £30-35 for a child, including board and suit in case you have a 7’7 SurfTech fetish. An hour and a half session with coaching is also being offered for £55-60 in case your name is “Beth.”

All fine and good but what caught me off guard is the number of “perfect (6 feet, 15 seconds of ride time) waves” The Wave is promising.

Over 1000 per hour according to the local BristolLive.

That is 16.66 waves every minute, 8.33 every thirty seconds, 1 wave every 3 seconds.

Many many waves.

Is this normal or, between Surf Lakes’ eight-footers and The Wave’s 1000, have tank builders/operators lost all sense?

Help!

It's a "fake news" moment!

As you well know, we live in a fake news epoch where odd dribs and drabs get reported, picked up on social media, copy and pasted on BeachGrit then proven false or false-ish. Exactly like yesterday’s report that surfing was banned all summer long in the posh New York state summer enclave Southampton.

Now, I forgot to mention in yesterday’s report that I once attended a birthday party in Southampton for a fabulous television executive also attended, mostly, by male models. She was a big shot and it was her birthday and male models were her wish and wow. Though you may be confused, I am not a male model but that male model economy is something incredible. Something surreal and someday, you heard it hear first, male models are going to have their “me too” moment and be in front of the  downtrodden line. Imagine that. Gorgeous white males in the front of the downtrodden line. We always find a way but back to the point at hand.

Apparently, the story claiming that surfing was banned all summer long in the posh New York state summer enclave Southampton is false or false-ish and let’s go to an on-the-ground news source for the absolute latest.

More than 50 surfers swarmed the waters of Agawam Beach August 18 to protest an alleged ban on surfing at Southampton Village beaches from 9 AM to 6 PM June 15 to September 15. Village Mayor Jesse Warren said while the 40-year-old Southampton Village regulation is actually part of the town code, it is not enforced.

“There is no ban on surfing in the village,” he said.

In fact, one of the newly-elected mayor’s first efforts in his new administration was a push to bring back surf lessons after they were banned by the prior administration. More than one school will be allowed to obtain a permit from the village under Warren’s plan unveiled at the end of last month, and since his announcement early in July, two schools have begun the application process. There’s also a scholarship program set up where those who cannot afford lessons can apply for free ones.

Chloe Kimball, the organizer of the August 18 protest who began a Change.org petition that received 5000 signatures by press time, said Southampton police were telling surfers to get out of the water Saturday, “telling us they were going to fine us $1000.”

“This understandably caused disruptions and concern among those of us who love the sport,” Kimball said.

Jennifer Arnold said less surfing means more kids will end up in trouble.

Do you worry about Jennifer Arnold’s kids? Don’t anymore!

Surfing has been saved!

Am I just paranoid, or am I stoned?

Are you a collector of anything? Baseball cards, vintage guns, Star Wars toys, anything? Surfboards? Oh I think I would like to be a collector of first-edition Camus books but am easily duped by frauds and don’t speak French. Also, I think I would like to collect 1974 Porsche 914 Targas and will start as soon as BeachGrit does a multi-year, multi-million dollar content deal with WSL Studios.

While you’re here, and I know you didn’t ask, but I think you should start collecting lightly used vehicles previously owned by lead singers and/or guitarists for Bay Area-based 90s revival punk bands including, but not limited to, Operation Ivy, Rancid, the Offspring and Green Day.

And, right now, there is a great opportunity to purchase Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day’s 1961 Chevrolet Greenbrier surf van as it is being auctioned off by one Mr. Van de Laar with a starting price of $37,995 in New Zealand.

According to the music website NME:

The surf van boasts a customised GRNDAY number plate alongside Armstrong’s signature on the glove box. It also features a State of California Certificate of Title to prove that it was once owned by the frontman.

Van de Laar explained that the van has attracted huge attention in New Zealand, where he’s seen people “waving from the side of the road” after it was imported from California.

“It was Billie Joe’s personal surf van he used in California,” Graham said.

“It is very unique as it is likely to be the only one on the road in New Zealand, and the only one in the world that was once owned by Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong!”

I’m going to be honest, Negatron. If you are aren’t all over this then I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to completely forgive you. Imagine surf hunting on your island’s bountiful coasts and having everyone wave as you pass.

You’d be the most popular surfer in New Zealand and that is a dream, I imagine, that you never imagined fulfilling.

Buy here!