Only today's demented society could make such a movie…
If there’s anything the 2010s will be remembered for, it’s the rise and rise of the Vulnerable Adult Learner Surfer.
Meteoric, as the Greeks say.
This thirty-minute film, How to Learn How to Surf, follows the travails of a group of New York VALs as they struggle to come to terms with their impotence in the ocean and the futility of their doomed pursuit.
There is no expense spared in their quest.
The group stays at Rizal Tanjung’s surf resort Disa Limasan with its six pretty Javanese-style houses parked in lush green paddocks overlooking three bays in the East Javanese village of Watu Kerung.
Cars, boats and surf coaches, which include Riz, Balinese shredder Marlon Gerber and Newport’s Punker Pat, are on call.
And yet, success is elusive, impossible.
If you don’t surf, don’t start, has never been more appropriate.
Still, it’s an oddly compelling movie if only to illuminate the thought processes of VALs.
How to Learn How to Surf was created by Tom Sachs, the fifty-three-year-old New York sculptor, who made his name in 1994 with a Christmas window display for Barneys called Hello Kitty Nativity.
Sachs fashioned the Virgin Mary as a Chanel bra-wearing Hello Kitty, the stable had a a McDonalds logo and the Three Kings were modelled as Bart Simpson.
My favourite work of Sachs is his Chanel guillotine from 1998, a riposte to the home of world couture that was still decapitating its citizens, and others, as late as 1977.
I dunno why this is regarded as so horrid. Are you all so fucking good? I truly do not think so. These are VALs for sure, they are what we would once have called “rubbernecks”, their ten ideas are mostly just funny as shit, but duh! They aren’t claiming, they’re making fools of themselves in public, and most of you cunts won’t even put your names to your foolishness.
hey Nick good read on your bushfire series in CW
Oh man, I am so concerned for everyone caught up in that. Everyone else will forget about it and they’ll be scarred for life.
I liked their persistence. Maybe its because I’m trying to get my kids in the ocean, but I could appreciate their fear when they hit the little offshore reef. That’s a pretty full on step for someone whose only started surfing recently.
Agreed I liked the production and it was fun. Do you think that as the VALs start accepting their position in the line up they will start buying T shirts again?
Well there’s always the chance they might buy some nice surfboards.
A VAL who knows they’re a VAL is probably the more favorable of the VAL sub-species.
100% Why do any of you care that people are learning to surf anyway. This film shows that they’re no threat to any of you, and that they’re hyper-aware of their lack of skill. Learners are made to feel shit at all times, and in this film Rizal is super impressive for being so supportive of them having fun. Learning to surf as an adult is so, so hard – I know, because I did it – and if you had the luck to have the support and access to learn as a kid, then congratulations. The point of the film is to have fun, and to enjoy the small pleasures, and to recognise that going surfing is a luxury, not an obligation. If you’re only allowed to surf if you’re super good at it, then I imagine many of you might want to take a long hard look at some footage of yourselves.
I admire people who have the courage to try new things, even though they suck at it. I honestly don’t know why I’m willing to die on this particular hill by posting this here, but teasing people who learn something new is super lame and is part of the very worst of surfing culture.
I started surfing in 1972. My arms are getting tired.
Lovely to see your arms getting a set of tires ….. WSL recommends Goodrich but the people who run it can’t even surf so what would they know about tyres ….. 72 twas a very Goodyear ( tyres again ) for you , taking the plunge , and Shane Gould who won three gold medals , a silver and a bronze , in Munich before buggering off to the hippy commune at Margaret River .
My friend’s son still has lots of mountains to climb and is very lucky to have devoted parents , both doctors who have been off work for 8 months and living in Germany where the state looks after its own .
I haven’t lived in Oz since 94 so it is all a bit exotic to me to come home . Feeling a bit like Jimmy Blacksmith . Am I Australian or French or German ? …. but luckily , unlike my mum’s family the Macdowalls , who were talented wood choppers , I am no bloody good at all with an axe so there will be no shenanigans .
Why?
Oh dear. Made it to 8:22, and it’s just too depressing.
Give up, people. Surfing will not cure your malaise and kookdom.
I had a surf last weekend in the Baltic Sea … a lovely 6 degrees water , 2 degrees air , 1ft wind chop , 30km/h North Wind from the North Pole , but a beautiful sunset through the leafless trees and with my mate , who has been away living in a hospital 800km from our city , with his incredibly ill but recovering 2 year old son , who was born with no immune system and a nationwide search found a suitable donor which has saved his life. so it was a happy time for both of us .
That will be my last surf here before we immigrate ( well I am not immigrating and the kids are now citizens but my wife is an immigrant ) back to Australia in 2 weeks and I sincerely hope I shall never don the glove or hood ever again ( unless absolutely bloody necessary , booties are ok and save you money on wax , but very very stinky ) …… So help me Huey .
Glad to hear your mate’s son is doing well. I remember your post saying you were going to go spend time with your mate and his family as the prognosis did not look good. It was a moving post. The power of the human spirit to fight is inspiring. And good friendship is invaluable when that fight involves your child. You’re a good man James.
Thanks for the kind words 02 . We came home from this surf and the boy was smiling and so happy to see his dad . Such a strong fight has he put up over the last 8 months to stay among us .
Dans la vie, y’a pas de grands, y’a pas de petits. La bonne longueur pour les jambes, c’est quand les pieds touchent par terre.
Coluche.
In life , there are no big and no small . The correct length for legs , is when the feet touch the ground .
Watu is an interesting choice of location for VALs… out front of Rizal’s is perfect place for them to never want to surf again.
Was it then a set up ? …. were they suppose to fail , fall like Adam and Eve in a modern version of VAL’s Paradise Lost ?
It would be a fairly poetic and poignant message… all that awaits you is frustration, failure, embarrassment and near dry reef looking to skin you alive.
I watched a livestream of a QS held at Watu a few years back ….. all these kids 14 , 15 16 etc absolute freaks … Kian Martin , Rio Waida and Eli Hanneman were killing it but Eli hit the reef hard in the semi and donated some skin and blood . Can just imagine what that left would do to the Absolute Beginners .
I believe the technical term for it would be ‘a full yard sale’…
Hell of a wave when you make one though.
Yeah, which slab would you like to be smashed by today?
The right at high? The left at low? Or navigate the torrent that is the channel?
Today’s guests will be offered the choice of a left jab or a right hook or a combination of left right slab kebab ?
The city can provide, Mr Bear. I surfed 8-900 hours 04/18-03/19, based in Welly.
In this lame bizarrro world, you can watch this with one click, but wealthy surf execs buried the Brad Melekian film?
Wow.
https://m.youtube.com/watch…
François Rabelais urged us « by a sedulous lecture, and frequent meditation, break the bone, and suck out the marrow « to search for the essence or the essential …… Melekian’s Film obviously displeased the powers that be who would prefer us to suck on this type of Surfing Fairy / Candy Floss Film ?
that’s some stanky candy
If he can walk and has any money left when he is 50, yes.
Derek can you help me ? Je voulais savoir , si la chatte de Hello Kitty dans l’ouevre , est Prêt-à-Porter ou Haute Couture ?
1992- present wanked off once a day
Good year for ol present!!
Come on ….be honest …. twice a day ? Giggles
Maintain the Rage !
The guillotine in the chan(n)el maybe a good idea ?
A lot of Bicko’s in the credits, relatives?
Nope .
When you’ve surfed for another 9 hours it will be 6969
2canchew!
Does Punker Pat have a sister named Emo Emma?
From mom’s second marriage in the early nineties.
Fascinating!
Stopped after they declared their goals. Wtf was that? “Jump onto another persons board”
Me too. That shit was painful.
“Look cool enough surfing for a picture”. Cringe
If, in a twist, those NY murfers go under the Channel guillotine for their crimes against surfing, I’ll watch?