Anybody want a peanut?
Anybody want a peanut?

Storm Ciara: Brave surfer battling Britain’s “Storm of the Century” swept five miles down the beach past “Cliffs of Insanity” and “Rodents of Unusual Size!”

Against all odds.

Great Britain is currently receiving a strong whipping at the vicious hand of Storm Ciara. 500,000 once jolly Englanders are currently without power, towns are flooded, cars washed away and the death toll is rising.

Unsurprisingly, as we energy harnessers, we storm riders, are wont, a surfer paddled out at a southern beach into massive swell and was soon “covered by walls of water.” Hours later his board washed up on the beach.

Alone.

The worst is always feared in these cases, especially when the lifeboat sent to rescue is nearly swamped and sunk.

Storm Ciara Hastings Lifeboat 9th Feb 2020

But, our hero was not to be so easily undone and let us turn to the respected pages of The Independent for the entire story.

A surfer who was declared missing in Hastings after his surfboard washed ashore amid the high winds and waves whipped up by Storm Ciara has been found alive after he managed to swim ashore at a beach more than five miles further east.

The man, whose name has not been released, was surfing at Rock-a-Nore in Hastings, which is directly in front of the lifeboat station and protected by the harbour arm.

However, the alarm was raised when his board was recovered but there was no sign of him in the water.

Two lifeboats and a helicopter were dispatched to try and find him, but had no success, amid waves reportedly over 3m (10 ft) high.

He eventually came ashore on the beach at Pett Level – a small settlement along a stretch of beach over five miles to the east of Hastings.

The route would have taken him along an uninhabited coastline largely composed of uncompromising cliffs, before he reached the western edge of Rye Bay.

“It’s a fair old distance to be without your board,” the press officer for Hastings Lifeboat Station Clive Mayhew told The Independent.

“The helicopter then landed there and he went to William Harvey hospital [in Ashford] for a checkover, and apparently he’s ok.”

Now, imagine swimming in the devil’s churn for five miles. Imagine watching the “uncompromising cliffs” sweep past, the Fire Swamp and Rodents of Unusual Size just beyond. How could hope be maintained?

This brave surfer is now my hero. A reminder to chin up in the face of wildly inappropriate odds. To perpetually sally forth.

Brave surfer? If you are reading, email straight away for your Cryin’ Jordy air-freshener.

Our gift to you.

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Pete Peligroso
Pete Peligroso
6 years ago

“OK, I’m breaking my cover here! It was a bit windy, slightly onshore and not too many corner nuggets, but just had to get my fix. Got unlucky, after a 45 minute paddle-out through a white-water onslaught, my leash broke, bugger it! Thought I’d take a short 5-mile swim down the coast…didn’t want to waste a perfectly good afternoon. Swam in for a pint at the pub, and the coastguard show up, to be fair after 4 hours in the sea I was feeling a little cold, so the tea and a few biscuits at the hospital was just what the doctor ordered. Storm Dennis is due this week end…anyone got a spare leash I could borrow?

Subantarctic Communist Sealion
Subantarctic Communist Sealion
6 years ago
Rhett Corbett
Rhett Corbett
6 years ago

U say brave. I say idiotic, stoopid, deathwish.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Just like to say that I got both my vissla x BG, and my Surfcore RFS shirts in the mail yesterday.

Delighted with both.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

i got my MAGA HATS delivered too!!!
Want one?
Would go nicely with that ensemble.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

BLAKING NEWS….
Confirmation,
Coronvirus caused by Chinese UFOs.
Unidentified Frying Objects.

Send cledit card details for more information.

Owen Wright's Brains
Owen Wright's Brains
6 years ago

trump voter sense of humour.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Yes!!
Im leary riking him a rot.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

How is there no reference to the battle of Hastings? Shoddy workmanship!

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Throw down some knowledge ricmatic. Is not like James Bickerton is around to pick up your slack.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

You won’t hear much from him anymore
He’s back in Oz lookin for a job.
No stay homes round these parts cowboy.

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Little known fact – The battle of hastings was fought between some VALs and a toothless shark from Narrabeen named Wanda.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

I know something about that fish called Wanda. https://youtu.be/5YKbYLb5GVc

@surfads
@surfads
6 years ago

Press Officer at Hastings Lifeboat Station sounds like my dream job. Sitting back in my tweed coat, drinking tea, watching the weather pass by, putting out the odd media release about a king tide, and making droll statements about almost-missing surfers.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
6 years ago

Why are you running a photo of the Irish Cliffs of Moher on a story about a surfer surfing off Great Britain? I thought you were down with the geopolitical “situation” here. Glad he survived

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago

Well the story, you’re right, is about surfing in England BUT the title is about Guilder where are where the Cliffs of Insanity (pictured) dwell.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
6 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

The cliffs of insanity is a book about surfing in Ireland, which focuses on Fergal Smith, Tom Lowe and Mickey Smith, and their pioneering of surfing around the cliffs of Moher, the two most famous spots being Aileens and Riellys. The title of the book is taken from “the princess bride”s cliffs of insanity. The photo is of the cliffs of Moher, and not of the cliffs from the movie. I’m being pedantic, I know, but we are a little sensitive about these things

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago

Damn it. The internet told me they were and now I’m googling Ferg, Tom and Mick’s film!

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago

American Irish right?

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
6 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Come on Negs, you know me better than that! The American passport would be handy though!

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago

You and JP throwing daggers put me off the scent!

janeausten
janeausten
6 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith
Barrelled
Barrelled
6 years ago

Trying to recover from puking at my desk after watching that vid. Quite the steady hand on the camera operator.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Imagine what the footage would be like if he was on the boat?

Justin Housman
Justin Housman
6 years ago

“we energy harnessers, we storm riders”

What is this “we” business. Don’t you live in placid San Diego?

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

It’s raining down here today.

Justin Housman
Justin Housman
6 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Thoughts and prayers.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

What’s your thoughts and prayers carbon footprint?

Gelato Pickle
Gelato Pickle
6 years ago

Time was a man go for a surf in 50mph onshore winds and, if he felt like it, ditch his board and go for a 5 mile swim instead. This nanny state just don’t want people to have fun anymore.

velobwoy
velobwoy
6 years ago
Reply to  Gelato Pickle

Flippy Hoffman got out at the right time.

Gino
Gino
6 years ago

Brave?
Can anybody confirm the conditions were a bit cleaner when he paddle out?

Raygun
Raygun
6 years ago
Reply to  Gino

The conditions were utter shite. Unless 10ft close outs are considered clean nowadays?

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Reports From Oh Bloody Hell!


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