And behold, I saw a white shark and upon him sat death.
New Zealanders woke up this morning excited that the greatest surfer of all time, Kelly Slater, is coming to their shores in just a few short weeks, bringing with him credibility for a long dismissed surf community. Bringing backhanded compliments and energy healing.
When he arrives it is very likely that none of them will be alive to witness his feet touching their shore for newly released video footage shows hundreds, possibly thousands of Great Whites converging off the coast, planning a mass human extinction event.
The disturbing video was shot near Kawau Island, not far from New Zealand’s capital and largest city. Let us read a first hand account of the horror before editorializing and working out a plan that might or might not include the sacrifice of millions of brave Kiwis.
Dipping a camera underwater (WATCH HERE) while on board a jetski wouldn’t be most people’s first response after spotting “hundreds” of sharks – but that’s exactly what Louis Giachetti did.
The Auckland fisherman captured what he says was hundreds of sharks hunting for food directly beneath him yesterday afternoon at Flat Rock fishing spot near Kawau Island.
“I didn’t freak out, it was just annoying they kept eating all the fish I was trying to catch,” Giachetti told the Herald.
Despite losing multiple lures to the sharks, Giachetti said the experience made it all worth it.
It is comforting to know that Mr. Giachetti didn’t freak out and was only annoyed. I hope he maintains the same steel spine when amputated arms, legs and feet litter his country’s streets. When the normally blue ocean water turns red thus making purple.
Very scary.
No more surfing in New Zealand. No more preparing for Kelly Slater’s arrival. It is time to go inside, lock the doors and pray the bloodcurdling screams of your neighbors can be muted by using SurfEars (buy here).
The above shark convergence, as terrifying as it is, is no one off. Weeks ago sharks practiced off lesser populated Aukland City.
Is Aukland City still around?
Any updates?
Marty, yes the car is still for sale. It’s a ’78 Merc w116 450 6.9 euro chassis in milano brown, same one as in Ronin. It’s a fucking beast and pretty much as it came from Stuttgard, except I put a decent stereo in it (I’ve still got the old factory radio if you want it). It’s roadworthy, registered and ready to drive away. $22k, cash only and don’t try to bring me coke instead of cash like the last time. I’m off that shit for good. Cash only, and ring me first, I don’t want you turning up unannounced like last time, you know Sarah hates you coming over, try to make it Saturday mornings when she’s at rehab. Don’t fuck me around or I’ll cut you. Skeeper.
Would it be good or bad publicity if Kelly were to be bitten by a Shark in New Zealand ?
A shark biting anyone anywhere is good for surfers.
Since when has any surf community needed an acknowledgement from KS. Hilarious!! I would get a petition asking him and the circus to stay away………..
This is NZ, we need positive affirmations from outsiders to manage our insecurities.
Never had the pleasure to visit, but from what I’ve read and seen– you guys look like you have a pretty good set-up there– under the radar too–always was a little envious……..
Mate as much as I hate that bald cunt he is magical and almost any shithole town would benefit by having him there. We have this fucken Gerlach problem down here. Seppo scum. I’d take Jimmy Slade any day.
See reply to ‘Waxcomb’ below.
Yawn Sammy.
kelly is the worst.
I got an ex Gerr Mayhem, it’s amazing.
Auckland not the capital DaWG
I have visited the Beehive and other parliament buildings in Wellington and it still hadn’t occurred to me that it is the capital until now. Cool city. Didn’t see 1 hot woman in 4 days though which is pretty fucken alarming.
Mate, strayas full of damn hotties it’s not normal for Caucasians
There are a few good ones but for the most part we have those straw haired, pale, freckled bogans with the fivehead, squished brow and peach fuzzed face. Dunno what it is about the coastal region and horrific breeding stock. Thank god for the hard wearing canvas shorts. There have been several times I’ve thought a chick looked alright from behind and then nearly scolded my own dick off when I drop coffee on my lap in disgust when I get a glimpse of the face from the front. My dick is starting to look like a baby tiger snake it’s got that many burns on the cunt.
I saw loads of absolutely stunningly beautiful women in Auckland when I visited.
Doubtlessly tourists.
Or, I was tripping balls.
one of the two.
Perhaps NZ is like Tasmania and Poland – all the good looking girls move overseas or interstate (possibly sponsored by tourism programs as ambassadors), so there’s none left at home. Throughout my life I didn’t meet a single Tasmanian chick under a 9 until I actually went there, and found nothing over a 4. I have no idea what happens to the 5-8’s, though.
Auckland, the biggest, nicest, wealthiest, most northerly city (not the political capital) is a decent place and does indeed have it’s share of stunners.
Wellington, the earthquake prone windy dump halfway down the country, that houses politicians and their hangers-on is lacking in any attractive females.
Then the south island starts and the further south you go the shittier and dumpier everything is, especially the wimmin folk…
True. Suppose I have me beer goggs on whenever I’m over. VB/Mangoes whatever
Did you run into Jacinta getting a coffee? I read something the other day that said she gets her own and also that she is one of “the hottest” world leaders. It was a shit article.
She might go alright if she fixes her teeth.
They’re unruly!
That’s cause they all emigrate to MEL, LDN, GC once they are done living in the coop
That’s Wellington for ya.
A fuckin’ windy hill with no redeeming features (especially of the female variety)