And behold, I saw a white shark and upon him sat death.
New Zealanders woke up this morning excited that the greatest surfer of all time, Kelly Slater, is coming to their shores in just a few short weeks, bringing with him credibility for a long dismissed surf community. Bringing backhanded compliments and energy healing.
When he arrives it is very likely that none of them will be alive to witness his feet touching their shore for newly released video footage shows hundreds, possibly thousands of Great Whites converging off the coast, planning a mass human extinction event.
The disturbing video was shot near Kawau Island, not far from New Zealand’s capital and largest city. Let us read a first hand account of the horror before editorializing and working out a plan that might or might not include the sacrifice of millions of brave Kiwis.
Dipping a camera underwater (WATCH HERE) while on board a jetski wouldn’t be most people’s first response after spotting “hundreds” of sharks – but that’s exactly what Louis Giachetti did.
The Auckland fisherman captured what he says was hundreds of sharks hunting for food directly beneath him yesterday afternoon at Flat Rock fishing spot near Kawau Island.
“I didn’t freak out, it was just annoying they kept eating all the fish I was trying to catch,” Giachetti told the Herald.
Despite losing multiple lures to the sharks, Giachetti said the experience made it all worth it.
It is comforting to know that Mr. Giachetti didn’t freak out and was only annoyed. I hope he maintains the same steel spine when amputated arms, legs and feet litter his country’s streets. When the normally blue ocean water turns red thus making purple.
No more surfing in New Zealand. No more preparing for Kelly Slater’s arrival. It is time to go inside, lock the doors and pray the bloodcurdling screams of your neighbors can be muted by using SurfEars (buy here).
The above shark convergence, as terrifying as it is, is no one off. Weeks ago sharks practiced off lesser populated Aukland City.
Is Aukland City still around?