"Please consult your local COVID-19 rules and regulations in regards to surfing."
Oh my goodness. And oh my very goodness the World Surf League, under the soft hand of relatively new Chief Executive Officer Erik Logan, has reached the oft attempted but rarely achieved peak hypocrisy of this modern age.
An ultimate win-win but shall we, as students of the game, celebrate ourselves?
It would be historically rude not to and let us travel directly to Instagram where the World Surf League lays its scene.
For it is there that Koa Rothman, son of Eddie, brother of Makua turned and went on a decidedly dangerous bomb.
The results were epically watchable yet potentially devastating.
Thankfully, the WSL chased a bold punch with a spineless warning.
Please consult your local COVID-19 rules and regulations in regards to surfing. At the moment, surfing is still permitted on Oahu.
Isolation makes philosophers out of us all. Minds, freed from “work” and “money” allowed to roam free. To think “outside the box” without any buzz-kills within six feet to criticize our flights of fancy.
And Kelly Slater, there in the Thinkers Paradise, on Australia’s Gold Coast, just posed an interesting question as it relates to the current Coronavirus pandemic.
“Do you think we have used and disrespected the earth enough or can we keep going at the rate we have become accustomed to?”
Thought provoking, no?
Since he asked, I think we all probably have used and disrespected the earth enough BUT he didn’t ask should we keep going. He asked can we and I, for one, think surfers can muster the will for more machine generated waves, Breitling Superocean watches retailing for around $7k with a nylon strap, FCS H4 fins that enjoy falling out of lightly glassed high performance shortboards and planting themselves into delicate reefs, SharkBanz that don’t work and get thrown into landfills along with their lithium ion batteries etc.
i.e. only surfing machine generated waves somewhere fabulous like Palm Springs, going Rolex, if $7k is in the watch budget, and insisting on a stainless steel strap never touching damned nylon which always gets stinky, using Futures and forgetting SharkBanz altogether, believing that the mighty Great White isn’t bothered by tiny electrical pulses.
Or did I misunderstand?
Breaking: World Surf League completes transition from governing body of sport to absolutely fabulous surf blog!
There was, if you can recall, a time before the Coronavirus where human beings touched, school classrooms were filled with laughing children and newly appointed World Surf League CEO Erik Logan unveiled his grand plan for the future of our favorite pastime.
The WSL would no longer simply be a governing body, hosting an international tour and crowning the world’s best male and female surfer at the end of the year. It would, rather, become a “content and media company.”
How that would be, specifically, was both exciting but unclear. It would involve a reality-style network television show, robust TikTok account, “user generated” content, Kelly Slater, Chris Cotê and mounds upon mounds of positivity but… how would it look?
Well, in this time after the Coronavirus where surfers are locked in their homes and school classrooms sit empty, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan has completed a dramatic make-over and shall we go and see the new and improved product?
We’ve got content sharing with The Inertia, a Stab-esque layout, the world’s number 1 surf podcast as header, listicles, upbeat “stay at home” messaging and ooooee!
A surf blog, an absolutely fabulous surf blog, and I only have a few small questions.
When Dirk Ziff opened his wallet, those handful of years ago, and purchased the Association of Surfing Professionals for free but then spilled a few tens of millions later is he pleased beyond pleased that this is the end result?
An absolutely fabulous surf blog?
I guess that’s really my only question.
When reached for comment, CEO Erik Logan said, “When look back over the past 11 months or so, the work the team has done to create all of these other franchises that we have on our platforms, like Sound Waves and Brilliant Corners and these other series we put on in-between events, in addition to the things we’ve done off-platform whether that’s 24/7: Kelly Slater [with HBO Sports], Ultimate Surfer, and the other things we have in the pipe, what we’ve seen is that the success rate, the consumption, and the use of the platforms really have all grown exponentially, and it gives us great confidence to double down in that space.”
Question: Should the surf industry simply invoice China for damages once the Coronavirus Catastrophe has run its course?
But how poor has this Coronavirus Apocalypse made you and whom do you blame? City officials frothing with newfound powers, closing businesses, parks, beaches, etc. just because they can? State officials making obscene plays for the presidencies and prime ministerships? Presidents and Prime Ministers frozen by fear or China, where this novel disease was first synthesized and released out into the world?
The surf industry, made even poorer than you and I, might never fully recover from this blow. Dirk Ziff, owner of professional surfing and co-Waterperson of the Year, could easily pack his remaining pennies and skulk off. Erik Logan, professional surfing’s chief executive, could continue his dream of becoming Instagram famous. Rip Curl, Quiksilver, Volcom could shut doors and congratulate themselves on a few fun decades. Board builders could go back to doing it part-time alongside long haul trucking.
Well, what if that same surf industry got progressive, like the Germany’s largest newspaper Bild and simply invoiced China for damages?
On Wednesday in an article titled “What China owes us,” the newspaper created an itemized invoice of damages from the pandemic. The items on the list included €24 billion in lost tourism revenue from March to April, €7.2 billion in losses for the German film industry, €1 million per hour in costs for Lufthansa, and €50 billion in lost profits for German small businesses.
The total losses came to a total of €149 billion, which the newspaper estimated caused a 4.2 percent drop in Germany’s GDP. It said that such a drop would amount to a loss of €1,784 per person.
That same day, the Chinese Embassy in Berlin responded by claiming that the estimate of damages printed in the newspaper “stirs up nationalism, prejudice, xenophobia, and hostility to China.”
How did editor-in-chief Julian Reichelt respond?
In a searing open letter to China’s President Xi Jinping.
Very fine, inspired, and if Germany’s bill equals €149 billion what do you think the surf industry is owed?
€149 and seven bars of Sticky Bumps wax?
€1490 and a promise from Fernando Aguerre to apologize for all his “Olympic” antics?
€14,900 and an artistically powerful piece of artwork featuring Dirk Ziff kissing Harv Weinstein?
€149,000 and enough Hurley skin toner to keep Erik Logan looking sharp all year?
“Misunderstood but sassy” female Great White Shark seemingly comes back from the dead, packs on an extra 1000 lbs, “terrifying” scientists and researchers!
We human, we wily, wacky humans have all, each of us, been in at least one unhealthy relationship on our lives. Maybe a boyfriend who wore, used, Mick Fanning’s signature bottle opening sandal. A girlfriend who flashed around all over town. A husband who refused to do laundry. A wife who disappeared without a trace before suddenly returning very much overweight and vicious.
Sharks are no different and one particularly popular yet extraordinarily dangerous Great White named Katharine, who vanished off the face of the earth for over a year, just re-emerged likely 1000 lbs heavier and lookin’ for dysfunctional love.
Katharine had been fitted with a tracking device, much like an ankle monitor used for Mama June, but the signal went dead.
Where did Katharine go? She describes herself as “misunderstood but sassy” on her personal Twitter account, terrifying scientists and researchers alike as both descriptors are favored by the most problematic exes.
Extremely scary but let us turn to The Gray Ladyfor the absolute latest.
For years, Katharine, who is named after Katharine Lee Bates, the writer of the verses to “America the Beautiful,” delighted the public, especially when she drew near coastlines, as reports of her whereabouts appeared on Ocearch’s online tracking map.
Her Twitter account (“misunderstood but sassy girl just tryin’ to get some fish”) gained more than 61,000 followers.
“The people in Florida just fell in love with her,” said Chris Fischer, the founder of Ocearch. “She became the ambassador, the diplomat for the ocean.”
And then came May 12, 2019. A ping placed her about 150 miles off the coast of Charleston, S.C.
After that, nothing. She was not heard from again.
Had she died? Was she looking for a bigger boat? Was she practicing social distancing?
Then at the end of March came a single faint ping. It was first thought to be a “ghost transmission,” said Bryan Franks, an assistant professor of marine science at Jacksonville University in Florida, who works closely with Ocearch.
On April 4, three more pings came in less than 24 hours. Mr. Franks said that many signals in a compressed time led researchers and the satellite company that collects the data to believe it was indeed Katharine.
Rough guesses based on those transmissions put her about 200 miles off the coast of Virginia. Katharine was not considered a full adult when she was tagged in 2013, but she has likely added 1,000 pounds since then, Mr. Fischer said.
Do you think Florida will take her back?
Let’s hope the state has more sense.
Let’s really hope that lessons were learned as they relate to “toxic” relationships and that Florida is ready to prioritize emotional health.