Did the Coronavirus mask give you small comfort in avoiding facial recognition software?
I, like you, have become resigned to the days of our lives in this the time of Coronavirus. Fun banished. The same day over and over and over again. Sitting in a restaurant or bar an almost forgotten memory. Knowing this, right here, will be the best of it all.
Blue chip companies are beginning to drop and will act as an anchor on the economy as a whole, dragging it down to the worst depression in modern history. Worse, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon etc. will run out of new content by November leaving us only with re-runs of Bethany Hamilton’s Soul Surfer on loop.
Bleak.
We’ll all turn to crime in order to put food on the table and, thankfully, have grown accustomed to wearing masks. I was in Target a few days ago with my young daughter (picture above) marveling at this one silver lining. Anonymous to security cameras, to facial recognition software, to Big Brother himself.
Wonderful.
Well, it turns out that Big Brother is ahead of us all, thanks to cursed China, and that surfers will be specifically and quiet easily targeted.
How?
By our distinctive sloth-like canter of course and let us become depressed once again.
Did you know that your stride is as unique as your fingerprint? Your walking style is an identifying characteristic just as much as your DNA. Sounds absurd, right?
I heard a story five years ago about how FBI operatives were trained to recognize a target based solely on the way they walked. Basically, the idea was that everyone had a gait (stride) that was unique to them. And if you learned someone’s gait, then you could easily identify them amongst a crowd, even if they were wearing a disguise.
I’ll be honest, I was skeptical. It didn’t really make sense. What if you purposely limped or slowed down? Wouldn’t this throw it off?
Well, as it turns out, gait recognition is a real thing. And the technology is well on its way.
We’ve all heard of facial recognition technology being used to identify people via surveillance cameras. Well, Watrix is a company in China that is taking a different approach through technology known as gait recognition software.
On the piece goes, detailing how gait recognition is virtually impossible to fool and how surfers will be rounded up, en masse, and sent to Lemoore, California where Kelly Slater will still rule us but only as a mid-level manager since he will, for sure collaborate, with the Chinese government.
The sun will be hot, the dust dry, Beijing’s politburo will surf “The Ranch” but there will be no more energy to pull “The Blue Train” so we will be strapped to it, heaving and ho-ing, while Slater stands on top cracking the whip.
Screaming, “Make barrel!” etc.
Best enjoy these your last moments of “freedom” I suppose.
Ok. It is sad to see the legendary Hurluley founder and CEO not grace us with views of his amazing product line anymore. Brilliant innovative products he conceived. And all of a sudden my buddy Scotty stopped commenting too. Bummer. Maybe we should all switch to debating about our preferred religions and why our deities are better than their gods and maybe people won’t get as offended as when the topic is politics? Or maybe we should just stick to commenting about surfing, being that it is a surf site. Me personally, I like a no-holds-barred moderation approach with no boundaries and all sorts of cussing and non PC slurs and personal attacks. I don’t think some moderators or sensitive types approve of that style of comment board. Oh well. We work with the hand that we are dealt in life.
Why is there a Baldy now in the comments and not LGR?
Thank you for your sage advice, I should know, but like many require a reminder every now and then.
Waves were super fun today boys, hope you got yours!!!
WAS
Does it hurt your brain to conflate things so wildly?
Not very conservative of you either.
Hippy surfed chest high cold beach break alone today, so the rattlesnake has crawled under a rock and I hope he remains there today. I’m literally exhausted from the touro assault in town…. I hate summer.
And if you enjoy irony, understand that if we got ONE FUCKING GROUNDSWELL during our Covid19 “Lockdown”, my town would celebrate isolation like a precious religious event.
I’m afraid you’re only half right.
We’ve been in incremental dress rehearsals since St Ronnie’s reign of terror.
Homeland Security and the Committee Act were only eclipsed by Citizen’s United.
My dear friend Lemoore GOAT would understand that the black hawk helicopters flying low over the DNC convention in Denver had another chilling effect. Normalizing military behavior in public spaces is as effective as the constant attack on the truth while perpetual propaganda is used to confuse and distract.
Call it the Bannon effect, but it goes way above his pay grade.
GOAT knows that we have an illusion of choice all brought to us by the same financial interests. The current spokesperson that occupies Penn Ave is just the lead puppet or “star” of the show, not the writer or producers.
I sure miss the GOAT. Although you seem to be a nice Balderdash Ballyhoo. Pass along my fondest regards to the former please, thank you….
Genuine gorilla fur rug in front of my fireplace.
Grey Power…
such a rebel.
I torched this dude at RJ’s over and over. I forget his infraction, just remember his punishment.
Dude sees me crossing the sand alone and decides to approach with a pack of his friends.
“Oh, man I am deaf”…. is all I said. He apologized to me. ?
30 years later, I am practically deaf and won’t surf the point near my house because of crowding. #Karma?
Very good people until you have to fire them, then sad people
I go on trips with a man responsible for AI and we’ve argued how evil it is, while he counters that it prevents evil. You will never enter a building again without registering. It’s real and I know a guy who is set up to cash in on your “safety”.
This is beach grit
Good luck in those countries where the men wear long white dresses.
You know why they wear the dresses?
Rumor is, sheep can hear a zipper from 200 yards. (old kiwi joke)
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
the right-wing nut jobs are in charge, what did you expect?
Scientists spend too much time making lysergic acid.
america and brazil are smashing this virus. right-wing nationalist nut jobs are superior. proof is in the pudding.
You stink
you’re a stooge for big business.
“…FBI operatives were trained to recognize a target based solely on the way they walked.”
Any excuse to watch the original Point Break will do, but some excuses by their very nature are just better.
Kelly as ChiCom collaborator. Top LEL! But there will be no surfing allowed in Lemoore. The Surf Ranch will become a “re-education” camp, where selfish hedonistic surfers are molded into obedient proletariat. It’s enough to send a chill down one’s spine, no?
Stop wearing masks! They do nothing but house exhaled nastiness that you end up breathing back in. Also no good breathing back in exhaled CO2. Wifey, me, kids don’t wear them. We keep one in pocket in case forced to, but have yet to be so put upon. When in store and not wearing mask, you encourage weaker souls who are on the fence. Wearing a mask spreads fear. Don’t spread fear. Spread freedom and scientific truth.
Thank you!
Target makes me.
As of a couple weeks ago, the one in San Clemente didn’t but maybe that’s changed since.
San Clemente is such a sacred place. Capital of surfing in their own minds. All those mushy cobble breaks filled with kooks and don’t forget those beach breaks with no sand banks. Center of the universe it has been called. Well, surf universe. So white too… I meant right. Even got the best Target. Out of all the Targets, SC’s doesn’t require a mask because the town is so clean.
Yoda wisdom right there.
Says the guy who always does what others tell him to.
Target in Australia doesn’t(none do)
Target actually just had to close a bunch of stores that will open as Kmart.
Excellent news!!
I buy all my fashion therr
I recommend the womens leggings, size 16 works for me
10 bucks a pop, so, so comfy
Extra large T to hide your junk.
They could double down as a wetsuit too – no one would know!! driving past DY will spot you easily now
“Says the guy who always does what others tell him to.”
WIth his daughter in tow again. Chas is now homeschooling this young girl. Life schooling even.
I know a dude who’s ex wife has called Child Protection Services on him. Gets visited often now and his home inspected. Ex is lobbying for increased Child care money because it’s now in the interest of the child to be in her custody full time. All because she dropped the kids off one time and there was a half smoked Joint on the washing machine in the garage.
Looks like you’re robbing target.
As in, completes you?
Ya know… for people who only shit out their asses, wearing masks ain’t such a big deal.
👍👍👍
Mine have exhale valves
I enjoy wearing it.
Not so much for the disease
But the anonimity
I support your right to not wear a mask my friend.
I hope you enjoy a massive Trump rally soon with your nice family.
“If you have a problem with figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black.” – Biden
“Take a look at my record. I extended the Voting Rights Act for 25 years. I have a record that is second to none. The NAACP’s endorsed me every time I’ve run,” he said. “Take a look at the record.” – Biden
“Yesterday, former Vice President Joe Biden made a comment about the NAACP’s endorsement,” the statement by Derrick Johnson, president and CEO of the NAACP, said. “We want to clarify that the NAACP is a non-partisan organization and does not endorse candidates for political office at any level.” NAACP
It would take a library of posts to include all of Trump’s gaffe’s. Literally. His lies are so prolific that no one believes anything he says, ever. It’s as if his supporters are being rewarded for not paying attention because anyone who does pay attention has to reconcile the destruction of truth, a death by a million cuts.
But you know that Otto…
I swear, Biden could walk out on stage in full KKK garb, pull off the hood revealing Biden in “black-face”, and then Biden shout into the microphone “Hey there darkies!”, and Democrats would still forgive him cause Orange Man Bad.