Did the Coronavirus mask give you small comfort in avoiding facial recognition software?
I, like you, have become resigned to the days of our lives in this the time of Coronavirus. Fun banished. The same day over and over and over again. Sitting in a restaurant or bar an almost forgotten memory. Knowing this, right here, will be the best of it all.
Blue chip companies are beginning to drop and will act as an anchor on the economy as a whole, dragging it down to the worst depression in modern history. Worse, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon etc. will run out of new content by November leaving us only with re-runs of Bethany Hamilton’s Soul Surfer on loop.
We’ll all turn to crime in order to put food on the table and, thankfully, have grown accustomed to wearing masks. I was in Target a few days ago with my young daughter (picture above) marveling at this one silver lining. Anonymous to security cameras, to facial recognition software, to Big Brother himself.
Well, it turns out that Big Brother is ahead of us all, thanks to cursed China, and that surfers will be specifically and quiet easily targeted.
By our distinctive sloth-like canter of course and let us become depressed once again.
Did you know that your stride is as unique as your fingerprint? Your walking style is an identifying characteristic just as much as your DNA. Sounds absurd, right?
I heard a story five years ago about how FBI operatives were trained to recognize a target based solely on the way they walked. Basically, the idea was that everyone had a gait (stride) that was unique to them. And if you learned someone’s gait, then you could easily identify them amongst a crowd, even if they were wearing a disguise.
I’ll be honest, I was skeptical. It didn’t really make sense. What if you purposely limped or slowed down? Wouldn’t this throw it off?
Well, as it turns out, gait recognition is a real thing. And the technology is well on its way.
We’ve all heard of facial recognition technology being used to identify people via surveillance cameras. Well, Watrix is a company in China that is taking a different approach through technology known as gait recognition software.
On the piece goes, detailing how gait recognition is virtually impossible to fool and how surfers will be rounded up, en masse, and sent to Lemoore, California where Kelly Slater will still rule us but only as a mid-level manager since he will, for sure collaborate, with the Chinese government.
The sun will be hot, the dust dry, Beijing’s politburo will surf “The Ranch” but there will be no more energy to pull “The Blue Train” so we will be strapped to it, heaving and ho-ing, while Slater stands on top cracking the whip.
Screaming, “Make barrel!” etc.
Best enjoy these your last moments of “freedom” I suppose.