Quaint Bay Area town turned into Coronavirus Hellhole as countless “toxic, disgusting, likely-infected surfers” descend en masse!

"Unnecessary risk!"

But, no, you cannot tell me that you have forgotten about Bolinas, California, a stone’s throw from San Francisco, already. You cannot say that an ode to the cathartic benefits of surfing and its natural social distancing, penned by the great Transhumanist Zoltan Istva, who traveled there to glide free, has disappeared from your memory.

Of course it hasn’t.

The sensible surf media, filled to the very brim with Modern Surfers, pounced on the recklessness, the wanton recklessness of leaving home for any reason whatsoever, much less to participate in something as egregiously criminal as surfing but it appears that its judicious advice has gone unheeded for now, thanks to Zoltan, Bolinas has been completely overrun with toxic, disgusting, likely-infected surfers.

A true Coronavirus Hellhole.

But let’s turn to a local on the ground and writing letters to The New York Times‘ editor for more.

Bolinas, a tiny, once isolated California town, has become a surfers’ mecca. The community is now completely overrun on a daily basis with countless out-of-town surfers.

During the coronavirus pandemic lockdown, local authorities have finally seen fit to make the effort to control the chaos brought on by the surfing masses. Mr. Istvan advocates an exception to lockdown regulations and using Bolinas as a surfing zone for all. He places his surfing wishes above the health of the people of Bolinas, who are obliged to shelter in.

Bolinas has just been shown to be disease-free by a unique townwide test organized for scientific purposes. Crowds of out-of-town surfers and their families streaming into Bolinas in violation of shelter in place would put the people of Bolinas at unnecessary risk.

Jeffrey Labovitz
Bolinas, Calif.

Stab? Is there not anything you can do to stem the tide?

World Surf League? Maybe a second, delightfully whimsical, round of #HomeBreakChallenge?

Help!