Thanks for the laughs!
Lovely Conner Coffin, whose over-easy haircut rivals Strider Wasilewski’s for lesbian chic, has quit his board sponsor of sixteen years for the greener pastures of Jason Stevenson’s eponymous brand JS.
It ain’t a great surprise, despite Conner being pivotal in the design of two of CI’s most popular surfboard models, the Fred Rubble and the Fred Stubble.
JS ran a contest a couple of weeks back offering a board if you could guess who his new team rider was going to be. The clue was a silhouette photograph and Conner’s blunt-cut waterfall was a dead give-away, at least to anyone who has ever walked out of a hairdresser’s salon in tears.
Our sources say Conner was searching for something a little different, a secret weapon to elevate him from the tour’s fringes and into the top ten. He shopped his schtick around and landed at JS.
In a statement to his fans Conner writes,
“I was fortunate to get my first CI around age 10 through @baresco and then worked my way up to a childhood dream of Al shaping my boards for around 2 years. His ability to transform feedback into board design to help me grow as a surfer was amazing. I clearly remember a few boards that took my surfing to new levels within a few sessions. Then I got to work with @mike_andrews3 who was all time and we gave birth to the Fred rubble and Fred stubble, A board that was borderline life changing for me. Then I had the privelage of working with a long time friend and brother in @mike_walter . As a relatively new shaper mike was fired up and had a nack for the “al rail” that I was looking for since he left. We had a blast working together which led to qualifying for the tour and a year at 7th on the CT.”
Conner will now become the face of JS’s push into the direct-to-consumer market in the US, his style which might be linked to the rippling of a kimono so sinuously as to suggest two women making love, a compelling sell to cutback aficionados all across that brave land.
Parker Coffin, Conner’s naughty little brother who shakes his hips and mimics a femmie boy on waves, meanwhile, will remain with CI, his star rising on the success of his Fishbeard model.
Kelly won everything on CI and nothing on Firewire/Slater Designs. Connor won nothing on CI and will win nothing on JS.
Man, I really like the style of surfing and not just always trying to find an air section. But I just can’t bring myself to think anything positive about him. He just gives me the shits.
He’s sponsored so he won’t mind when it snaps in two every other wave. They suck.
Should we look at the alternative angle of CI’s huge loss of market share or the fact the previous popularity run of JS in the States earned them the moniker Just Shit for their horrid quality during the time which lead to their current situation? At least Connor will still get freap boards, many would be stoked to have him. And what about the US and direct to consumer part. Only way you gonna get direct to consumer is from Thailand on the majority of units. Nice press release.
Until it was clarified it was a CT surfer, I would have put money on Harry Bryant.
Makes sense a source tells me lost has bought JS production and distribution rights, JS will still shape/design but production will be under Lost control.
Photo: Grant Ellis
If you sellout do you get to keep your name?
I don’t know what that means
As a Japophile
Rippling Kiminos turn
My legs to Yokan
Wow, what a description of his style.
Elegant AND Condescending.
Isn’t “Elegant Condescension” a popular INXS song?
He rips but he doesn’t
Whatever you do, keep him on the JS Hy-Fi’s and don’t give him a JB Hi-Fi sponno. I need these fucken eyes and ears mate. Don’t make me rip them off my face listening to Conner play Wonderwall.
Yeah err, it’s over.
There’s no numbers anymore
Italo could be world champ forevs.
Trump giving good interview on Fox right now.
He’s a character!!
Meanwhile CNN warns kids of the deadly combo of covid and vaping.
CNN is as desperate and hopeless as WSL.
When do you think you might get bored of the whole “filling the daddy-shaped hole in my life with incessant political trolling on unrelated interweb connects sections” thing?
Asking for a friend.
Probly when the articles about it stop
Or when the comps return
No guarantees
Fair enough
If I don’t agree then they be trolling.
Cool philosophy!!!
Ha, you should know by now I’m not going to engage with you on the “substance” of your rants. Fool me once, etc.
Genuine question:
Do you giggle as you type, thinking “which sad fuck’s gonna take the bait this time?”
Or are you typing furiously into the void in an earnest mission to right all the injustices of the world?
I’ve always assumed the giggling variety.
I’m from the Chas Smith school of earnest giggling. And Mr Riellys school of sad fucking
Yeah he’s becoming like the punter who shall not be named who ruined stab comments a few yrs back.
Harden up cupcake
Wrong sport. Harden is NBA. #bexyworld #craycray
You’re like an ex junkie drug Councillor
No, just lived through someone ruining a good commenting community. Literally. That guy destroyed Stab comments and made it so not fun with nonstop commenting on everyone else’s comments. Like Negs said, we get the urge to always comment. Just try to tap it down 50%. Rewire your brain. Everyone else will appreciate it, and you’ll still get in your funny comments in. We all win.
Get real
It’s your life, dude. Party on, until Negs puts you in time out. Going to happen sooner than you think.
It already happened
And when I returned from exile jordys foreskin said he was ashamed to say it, but he missed me.
You guys need therapy
I’m not the one happy that imaginary foreskin missed me.
I think you overestimate my influence.
your genius is a rare combo of brevity and depravity.
an acquired taste.
did I just type a Haiku?
Probably
I do it by accident all the time.
I much prefer limericks
gotta get the hang of this Haiku deal before I graduate to unintentional limericks.
See how influential you are bexy?
I often wish Eddie would just comment normally as he seems quite intelligent
Painted himself into a schtick corner?
Type cast like so many performers.
Now, let’s talk about your line of feminine hygiene products Mr Influencer. Gotta monetize this skill of yours.
You can be the Kendall Jenner of the surf world.
Derek will swoon.
I’ll wait until the Marxist revolution is over and all the educated have been shot or gassed.
Haha
Jokes on them!!
Conner was searching for something a little different, a secret weapon
to elevate him from the tour’s fringes and into the top ten.he could try doing something other than a cutback. dude is horizontal as fark.
He needs about 6 inches elevation to be considered eligible for the men’s tour.
Like the joke about the journalist going to meet the microbiologist and being surprised at how tall she was.
https://media1.giphy.com/me…
Conner fits in a child’s coffin
Many do.
I was trying to get the one where he says righhhhtttt but that’ll do.
He needs good waves and a broader canvas to sit on turns. He can surf tight transitions, but his act is dependent on a few venues that play to his strengths.
he got skills, fosho. just races past too many sections to do cuttys.
This is such a bland predictable thing to say, but I’ll take one for the team and get it out of the way…
Brad Gerlach said Conner had a secret turn he was about to unleash on the World.
I’m taking bets on this:
Backside cutback $1.05
Roundhouse $9.40
Backside snap $45.00
Proceeds will go to deporting Gerlach back to fucken Seppo shithole he came out of.
I sure hope the definition of SEPPO on dictionary. com is correct. The things we (I) can learn from Wigs. Of course that Shithole Gerlach is from is where I surf 95% of the time.
funny thing is, Ger used to be appreciated by Aussies in his day compared to the safe surfing of PT and Ian. Ironic.
Now Wiggs is passing judgement.
well, if b-rad G said it….i’m onboard! no chance it’s an industry bro fluffing an industry bro.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
ok…so in this video, how many cutbacks vs rad turns? bland and predictable? facts, bruh.
You’re barking up the wrong tree, I’ve always been a fan of Conner. Just want to see the much heralded “secret” turn.
There is no secret turn.
He buries rail on big canvases and sits on his heel edge. Beautiful.
We all want to do that.
Fucking simple.
He’s mid CT rankings where he should be with this act.
And you can still appreciate his strength. Kid is solid all around.
Agree and with style. What about these kids that can drop rotors all the time but can’t do a fucken cutback..Fuck sake
They surf like they play on a trampoline… every attempt requires a dramatic recovery, then claim. Few can set a rail and see the line through a finish. It will correct, but at the everyday level, it’s ugly as fuck.
Used to see CC quite often, kid rips the bag. Reality is, several tour stops favor his one trick, several don’t. Consistency on tour is everything.
I know Hippy, my sarcastic tone is lost via the keyboard.