Kelly Slater (right) demonstrates erectile dysfunction to John John Florence.
Kelly Slater (right) demonstrates erectile dysfunction to John John Florence. | Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms

World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater viciously trolls men with erectile dysfunction: “Girls should be tagging guys who couldn’t perform!”

"The comment, both exclusionary to homosexuals and the trans-community while pushing the hurtful narrative of cisgender normalcy, is also very mean."

You sure never do know where the 11 x World Champion and wave pool ownership enthusiast Kelly Slater will pop up. The beginning of the Coronavirus shutdown found him bouncing around New Zealand then Australia before somehow arriving in the United States, a healthy trail of environment sustaining CO2 lighting his path.

He is a mover and shaker though always on Instagram where he opines on various thises and thats.

As you know, Slater recently canceled BeachGrit, blocking and removing, possibly over being called the most environmentally damaging non-politician in history, though he has long taken offense with the surf tabloid’s “character revealing” tone of “funny and cheap.”

Well, it seems like the world’s greatest surfer also has a mean bone, going out of his way to finger men with erectile dysfunction.

Underneath a recent Instagram post featuring an effete younger man smashing himself in the head with a can of beer and knocking out with a caption “tag the softest person you know”, Kelly commented “Girls should be tagging guys who couldn’t perform.”

The comment, both exclusionary to homosexuals and the trans-community while pushing the hurtful narrative of cisgender normalcy, is also very mean.

Imagine having erectile dysfunction and getting tagged by a onetime lover. Imagine scrolling up and seeing she was egged on by Kelly Slater.

Imagine hot tears streaming down your cheeks, falling onto your knees and wondering, “Why Kelly Slater? Don’t you have enough? Beautiful ex-girlfriends, homes in Hawaii and Airstreams in Lemoore, a fridge full of Purps. Must you take my pride too?”

Will Kelly Slater apologize?

For you, I will try to find a way to reach around his embargo and ask.

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Featherknife
Featherknife
6 years ago

Here is an old saying I just made up. A surfer, who is an asshole, is …….just an asshole.

Dim Sim
Dim Sim
6 years ago

Aren’t you misquoting him? Wasn’t it: cheap, funny, character revealing? Of all the news outlets I expect a better standard of integrity here.

D Kennedy
D Kennedy
6 years ago

Does every joke have to be inclusive to trannies?Who writes this drivel? I hope they’re not paid for such petty nonsense.

Gino
Gino
6 years ago

Don’t point when you can nod.
Don’t nod when you can wink.
Guy should stick to surfing.

Artem Gridin
Artem Gridin
6 years ago

Why do I read this shit…

J H
J H
6 years ago
Reply to  Artem Gridin

Kelly’s shit? No idea.

Kook Dahanamoku
Kook Dahanamoku
6 years ago

I drank a can of Purps once and had a boner for a week.

Hippy
Hippy
6 years ago

Too funny Chas…. that would become the best podcast so far!

It’s escalating like a volcano as it is….

Dung beetle
Dung beetle
6 years ago

The hardest thing to deal with would be having ED and finding out Kelly is gonna come finger you.

Brandon Gaubert
Brandon Gaubert
6 years ago

Kelly Had ED when he was going bald and if he was beach grit with a D in the Butt he would have never gotten over it holistically or with any more women…… How can Kelly keep a boner when Anderson Cooper adopted a child that will never lovingly breast feed until 2 years old

Brandon Gaubert
Brandon Gaubert
6 years ago

Sometimes it’s difficult to perform with too many dudes around staring and watching even when I tagging their wives I deserve a Lil bit more privacy because I be pumping more blood than most people would be

Richard Perry
Richard Perry
6 years ago

What a bunch of PC crap. People are so weak and sensative they have to assign meaning to statements made by others. Bitches. Toughen up or the world and life will have you for a snack.

Dennis Mullin
Dennis Mullin
6 years ago

Hey Kelly! Go thru the drive- thru at your local”,Jack in the Box”, and ask the girl or guy,” Jack Off Tonite, or is he working Later.repeat 10 times,” world chump, world chump”.

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago
Reply to  Dennis Mullin

You’re new at this aren’t you?

Dennis Mullin
Dennis Mullin
6 years ago

Kelly should meet a friend of mine!Mr.Hugh Givesashit.And he tells about people who know his old nemesis Mr.Heeza Jerkoff.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Smellys always talking about himself…

Mark
Mark
6 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

He was brought up to know better but seems to have lost his compass along the way!

Dick Simmons
Dick Simmons
6 years ago

Hit up Pam. I’m sure she has some dirt on his dingaling.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago
Reply to  Dick Simmons

Tommy’s dirt?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

What’s tagging?

Dennis Mullin
Dennis Mullin
6 years ago

I think ,” squirting on walls with,” yer handheld white marker”?

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
6 years ago

I’m seeing the cracks appear as society is shut down and he can barely be worshiped.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Willie….Willie Not…Willie…Willie Not. That is the question.

Joe Deal
Joe Deal
6 years ago

OK Gritties- this is actually some f ing funny stuff for a change-up … Bravo!

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
6 years ago

Don’t you bloody dare
Reach around his embargo
He might harden up

SurferJesus
SurferJesus
6 years ago
Reply to  Eddie Haiku

Well played


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