Disturbing.
Yesterday, which feels like an eternity ago, it was reported right here that ABC’s new reality show “Ultimate Surfer” is rumored to be so fun, so enjoyable, so downright wonderful that it might be enough to save the thoroughly wilted World Surf League.
You believed and thrilled but, today, a darker, more ominous picture emerges from behind the gates of Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California. A place known by many experts to be “literally the worst of them in the world.”
According to Nicholas Caprio, the Chief Content Officer at Pilgrim Media, who spoke recently at a “virtual panel”:
“Every person who came up was put in a hotel and tested. When they got negative, they could go inside the ranch and tested them again a week later. That included anyone who came in whether it was a judge or talent. It was really tough because it was really hot and really dusty. Just because they had two clean tests, we still had to take all of the precautions with masks and stations.”
Inside the Ranch, contestants and staff lived in what was called a “tent city.”
Many experts wonder if both Lemoore’s surrounding hotels and then being cloistered behind the branded wooden walls of Kelly Slater’s facility constitutes “cruel and unusual punishment.”
The nearby Tachi Palace does not serve delicious cocktails and also serves them in small plastic cups.
It is unclear if Michelob Gold Ultra was the only beverage on offer inside the Ranch.
Kelly Slater could not be reached for comment as he blocked me on Instagram.
Easily one of the worst write-ups I’ve ever had the displeasure reading. Go back to high school journalism class you ignorant hack. Thx ya!
Plastic cups for your cocktails?
Even Fresno serves cocktails in glass.
I just want see what brand clothes, board and weitsuits they are advertising.
So I can make a informed choice not to purchase it now or forever in the future
Strange? Wasn’t this all optional? Did they still make it happen despite the current circumstances? You probably would have found something to cry about if they had to cancel it as well. Just a joke. Bunch of self-righteous hacks out here trying to take punches at someone they deem to be self-righteous. There’s irony in there somewhere. I’ll leave you all to put your collective IQ together, might figure it out before the year ends with all this extra time on your hands. Might not. Not confident. For the record. Not a Slater or ole WSL fan.
on camera?
For likes?
Deal.
Extra points from Sam if we could do a bottom turn around them too!!!!
What if I ran around in a red bikini?
Fly eyes!!!!
does anyone know anyone who knows anyone that drinks michelob ultraa?? whoever sold
them on sponsoring surfing events should get a raise!!. or a lifetime supply of corona light.
I will if they ever end up as two-for-one on football Sundays.
But what boards are we riding – midlengths so we can surf properly???
Only fukwits get blocked
Cruised by yesterday wind was wrong.
Don’t allow him to paint you into his mysogenistic corners Jen… dude is a dull blade.
I didn’t even want to go anyway LGR, so fuck off and I’m the one that knows all the secret spots.
There’s only one other job available on this vessel Jen and it begins and ends in my quarters.
Someone to pick out your clothes???
The block is too severe and just as Chas has demonstrated, is worn as a badge of honor (I was blocked by Bomani Jones on twitter for pointing out the phrase “I caught a charge” is used by criminals to not take responsibility for their actions). The more sublime move is the mute, the person being muted doesn’t know it and thus can’t broadcast to everyone how some asshole blocked them.
Those waves are innocent. They are incarcerated wrongly by a corrupt system. Hopefully they will break out and form an elite team of bad-guy-fighting, lovable rogues, with memorable catch phrases and photogenic personal quirks.
Whats up, CB! (Virtual bro/hug to you)
Big manly hug to you too Scotty.
To be fair who wouldn’t block Chas on Instagram
here in Jersey… just reemerged from a power outage left by Tropical Storm Isaias that was double the time of the swell left by Isaias… this of course was the first place I came to learn about civilization that I’ve missed since Tuesday Morning… glad I did… this is our happy place
Surf here on LI was good for an hour or so on Tuesday evening when the wind turned.
Too bad everyone was busy picking up their shingles and hosing the sand off their houses and cars.
Q: Why did the surfranch restaurant go bust ?
A: Too many kooks in the kitchen…
(I know it’s an oldie, but I couldn’t help think it was currently appropriate)
It makes me so proud to know my original joke has now reached 2nd Tier Usage Status. Goddammit! I told myself I wouldn’t cry!
Get the golf on, Otto !
I have no idea what that means, but I will! I will! I’LL TRY, I WILL!
Yes, you do !
You’ve forgotten the famous BG article by Chazz.
Does, “Fuck off, Mum !” Ring a bell ?
HA! Took a moment. Famous Wanks in History!
I’m sure the Jesus and Mary Chain did a song about that.
The Hardest Wank
Saw them in the mid ’80’s
WOW !
Yeah sorry that I didn’t know who to credit it to, but is a winner !
Cheers
Coke rider is a must.
Ben Marcus can commentate and the George bros can deride us all as kooks. Of course we’d get the right of reply in the quick cut’s.
I’m in LGR!