"Well this is off to a great start."
Gender reveal parties have, potentially, done more to damage professional surfing’s future than global warming, Great White shark attacks and “orca-strated” Killer Whale terrorism combined.
You certainly read about the recent celebration that threatened to burn the surf industry’s historical home of California to the ground.
Now we have an east coast father who nearly and/or did castrate himself while attempting to reveal the sex of his soon to be born child.
Tom Cressotti of Massachusetts and his pregnant wife were very excited to share their good news but, as these things go, Tom pointed his rocket the wrong way and, according to footage, nearly and/or did destroy his chances of fathering the next Kelly Slater-esque surf superstar.
Though the surf industry is experiencing what many call a nadir, all it takes is one transcending hero to bring it all back to fortune. Kelly Slater is currently 48-years-old and not getting any younger, though also from an east coast city featuring very bad waves. The next Kelly Slater is likely to be born on the east coast too which makes Cressotti’s choice to castrate himself all the more frustrating.
At least he did not burn down Massachusetts, telling a local paper, “That would be very hard from Massachusetts.”
Does Massachusetts not burn?
Is it immune to these troubles?
More as the story develops.
Hanson is a Hooverian simp who worships Hayek and would love to go down on Trump. All hail Lelandia, locus of libertarian tripe!!
i’d like to visit but
it’s a long long way to Massachusetts
Stop it with this baby sex reveal party shit! Do like a real adult and admit you made a mistake pulling out and start selling boards to fund baby stuff. In all seriousness, nobody cares what type of human is going to come out of you. Literally nobody…..
I’m from Massachusetts
Plenty of leaves to burn this time of year.
Nothing there went wrong, I’d do the same thing, way cheaper than a vasectomy
Another great surf adjacent article. Spellbinding
Apocalypse Now !
The Seven Seals of Revelation Have Been Opened.
“The first seal reveals false prophets; the second, war; the third, famine; the fourth, pestilence; the fifth, tribulation; the sixth, heavenly signs; and the seventh, sharks …6 ft apart . “
Gotta get me sum of dat blue Ranch Dressin’ for da boyz room . INCOMING !
Nothing like Bill Gates and his husband stalking me on BeachGrit. Wtf!?!?
Scott they live over in Del Mar. Smoked a bowl with some old guy who told he was Bill Gates. I didn’t believe him as the van he lived in was shitty and his weed was subpar…..
No burnin. Its 1000% humidity in summer. Cressotti’s nuts turned into a tributary of the Merrimack River
“You gave it to me the wrong way!” is one hell of a line.
‘Kellhil’ was castrated when his kid was born.
And the world is a better place for it…
“Not female, male, nor neuter is the Self. As is the body, so is the gender. The Self takes on a body with desires, attachments, and delusions, and is born again and again in new bodies to work out the karma of former lives.”
Sounds like those balls were getting in the way ?
a study in natural selection
Adapt or shoot your self in the Gonads Man …..
https://youtu.be/C_c0IeQJ3-8
https://youtu.be/yfk-a1JZMbU
My favourite superhero. Based on a real life human being.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Congratulations to the happy couple & congratulations to you Chas for a mighty manhandling effort to give this story a surfing/shark angle!
I knew a plasterer named Nadir. He had a scrunched up little face like he’d just eaten a cat shit sandwich. Don’t really know what became of him. Probably running a kebab stand or something now. Ah Nadir. Fuck, you were an ordinary plasterer.
Want a good plasterer, need a Macedonian. Fine fine work. Nadir sounds like he might have been Arabic.
Ah yes , ALEX and ‘ER the Great Macedonian ( not Greek …? ) Plasterer .
definitely plastered the Persians at The Battle of Gaugamela . The Arabs probably should have stuck to accounting and writing which they invented around 3500 BC in Sumer ( makes sense because there was no swell and the winds were onshore …. Man / woman gotta do something in the Sumerian Summer ) .
Lazar my masso mate does a mean job. Ararabian women..wow. I’d have found a way to stay busy I dare say!
After a trip to Egypt and Israel in 91 , I came back besotted by dark haired , dark skinned , dark eyed beauty and so I felt at home among the women of Sud Ouest France a year later …
The Gyprockers Descent or Nadir died with a Kebab in his Hand .
From the zenith of gyprock and roll
Now for whom the bells toll
While the kids where gyprockin’ round on top
Nadir’s lowest point reached , the kebab shop ….
Massachusetts hasn’t been burning much; near as I can tell we’re still stuck on the sharks. They put these up everywhere, but I haven’t seen a single “WARNING: you may give birth to the next Kelly Slater” sign yet!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
3 eyes?
Don’t let that distract you from the bitchin’ bar graph.
I don’t have anything to do with bars these days. I’d love to neck a few but my wife would take the family and leave me.
BTW: notice that it says “peek activity”…. something to do with having three eyes?
I am suffering from Un-Wellness so I would like to take an uneducated guess , in these anti scientific times we live , and say , god forbid ,this could be linked to a viral outbreak from ….. um China … at least that is what my esoteric third eye is seeing ?
PEKING Shark do do do do do d do
peeking Shark
Man, you really have to find the next catchy song for your kids.
The kids have moved on to German Hip Hop but I am still stuck somewhere between the shark’s mouth and bum in the oral and anal stage wearing my Freudian slip …shit , I am waffling on as per usual and forgot to ask about the demo tape .
Joy ?
Speaking of Peking sharks. Remember when Vic Hislop was called to Hong Kong to catch a shark that was terrorizing the locals. he got there, didn’t catch any and said it was because of the drought that the shark(s) weren’t hungry. It then monsooned for a week and he then said it was because there was too much fresh water around…
Did they believe his sloppy fish tale …The old Fishos are even better bullshitters than Surfers …..Anyway it wasn’t a Bull shark because not even fresh water stops them buggers . .
Or whales. There’s a pod of whales 30km up a river in the NT.
Generally disappointment. Might be able to get something salvaged through mastering, but the general feeling is, out of the 7 songs, only 3 maybe 4 worked. Guitar sound didn’t come out ‘chunky’. One of the songs that did ‘work’ was ’10 Sock’ a collab with Channelbutt. I sent him a version, so he can give you a more sensitively eared appraisal if he so feels.
We came out of it with a better idea of how the songs should be structured and have changed things around a bit from those versions, so progress.
Work in progress …. enjoy the process .
Is the white shark conservative or liberal Otto?
Shark Baiting ? Another Smart Drum Line …..
It would make great television ,a podcast perhaps
OTTo and hIPPY …..or
PLAY-DOH’s REPUBLIC ….. SoCal …..SoCrates
2 tanned Californians yet white ,polar political opposites , yet both handsome , broad shouldered , erudite surfers , successful professionals conversing on diverse subjects from Pipeline to Politics and everything in between ? All different All together …
He’s both. The ultimate grumpy local. And avid Beach Grit reader.
Funnily enough May Day shows the least amount of RED ….. and White Activity … Go Figure
They`re the worst!
No. The German guy who shoved a sausage up his arse said it wasn’t the wurst.
Somebody put a few rounds (of .22, I’d guess) into the sign where the eye used to be. Sums up the local vibe pretty well.
iPhone 11 shark. Best camera eyes in the game.
Murphy got you for wearing a pink shirt, prep.
Looks like he borrowed the shirt, and the belly off PT ….?
In coming days, financial constraints will force people to have Lender Reveal parties.
“Its a……………….
billion year mortgage with the Bank Of Zenu!”
Woo hoo
Bank of Chtulu has better rates, but for the overall package, it’s Satan’s Savings and Loan every day*.
*For Eternity.
Hell yeah! Just sent a virtual blood sample and got approved for the Baphomet Black card! Rewards include andrenochrome, all inclusive stay at Bohemian Grove amongst other terrific things
I might create a Centre Link ?