Act fast!

Finally. Finally, finally but finally the classic “post-surf biodegradable soap shower, board locker and vending machine that sells masks conundrum right across the street from Malibu’s famed Surfrider Beach” has been solved and just in time for winter.

But it is with great pride that I introduce to you Traveler Surf Club Malibu.

And let us learn via the chic, minimalist/camp vibes website:

Located at iconic 1st Point at Surfrider Beach where perfect righthand point waves peel all day long. The club serves surfers and swimmers, who want a clean, safe and comfortable re-entry point from the waters of the Pacific Ocean back to life on land.

Our mission is to encourage ocean lovers to spend more time doing what they love and to provide a clean, safe space to transition to and from the ocean. As Los Angeles County allows beach access to active recreational users, we are able to provide a space for board storage, a short walking distance to waves and hygienic amenities, so that club members can spend time in the ocean with reduced exposure to crowded public areas.

The Traveler Surf Club in Malibu has a hot outdoor shower stocked with biodegradable soap at all times. Members have 24 hour access to the club and storage lockers with keyless entry.

Club rules require members to practice safe social distancing at all times and the club space has a hygiene station so that members can sanitize any touch surfaces that they come in contact with.

Our club vending machine is stocked with wax, snacks, Masks cold drinks and basic surf essentials so that you do not have to make in-person purchases for small items.

How much?

My only question is can members stand up and sleep in their locker for the surfboard price?

Also, does the vending machine sell Laird SuperFoods Coffee Creamer?

Places in the lineup?

Very exciting.

A lesson in how to manipulate the news cycle, rivalling even the fabulous Coffey sisters.

A shark advocacy group has claimed that the production of a COVID-19 vaccine will result in the death of 500,000 sharks.

Wild number, yeah?

Oceans red with the blood of slaughtered sharks; immense grottoes filled with their discarded corpses etc. 

Shark Allies, a not-for-profit group “dedicated to the protection and conservation of sharks and rays”,  has gotten the required headlines across most news sites over its alarmist numbers. 

How they got it is a lesson in how to manipulate the news cycle. 

(See, also, EJ Coffey, parts one, two, three, four and five. )

See, if the vaccine contains squalene, a fatty molecule that maintains moisture in the skin, and which is found in all plants and animals although shark livers are bloated with the miracle juice, and every single human on the planet gets a piece, a quarter-of-a-mill sharks might get iced. 

If humans need two doses and every single human on the planet gets a second hit, half-a-mill sharks. 

A lot of ifs. 

In May, GlaxoSmithKlinem announced that they intended to produce one billion doses of their “pandemic vaccine adjuvant” in 2021, enough for every American to get three hits. 

Shark Allies says 21,000 shark will be killed for the required squalene. 

For comparison, four billion fish and nine billion chickens are killed every year in the US.

And, in case you didn’t know, squalene is already used in sunscreen, lipstick, foundation, lotion and other cosmetics. 

Sign the petition, “Stop Using Sharks in COVID-19 Vaccine – Use EXISTING Sustainable Options” here. 

The price of convenience… 

An Australian surfer has discovered, at the cost of twelve gees, that shoving car keys in a locked box shackled to the bumper bar voids your insurance if your ride gets stolen. 

The unidentified Volvo-driving surfer lost the dispute with his insurance company who had denied his claim for $12,202, which covered external and internal damages of the recovered car, hire car costs and personal effects.

See, if you were to actually read the conditions of your policy, all of ‘em say you gotta remove all keys from within, on, or in the immediate vicinity of the car while unattended. 

Locked box or no locked box.

Surfer said he wasn’t “clearly informed” of the policy deets. 

The court disagreed.

“There is a clear causal link between the act of leaving keys within, on, or in the immediate vicinity of the vehicle and that of the vehicle being stolen,” the Australian Financial Complaints Authority ruled. “Whilst the complainant took steps to lock the vehicle, the keys were still attached to the vehicle by being in the key safe on the towbar when he went surfing. On this basis, the insurer is entitled to decline the complainant’s claim as he failed to comply with the full conditions of cover under the policy.”

A quandary, yes? 

Man can’t put a immobiliser key in his wetsuit; getting a non-immobiliser key for wetsuit don’t work either, ’cause you still have to leave the immobiliser key in the car. 

Read the ruling here.