Four pretty towers for Greenmount hill.

Gimme: Developer to sell massive parcel of land with mothballed resort overlooking iconic surf break Snapper Rocks!

Thirty-five mill plus if you got the cheese… 

Last year, it was revealed, here, that a passionate newcomer to surfing had bought the hottest piece of real estate in surfing and was gonna fill it with a landmark twelve-storey tower catering to the fabulously wealthy.

“I love everything about it and can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to buy it,” said Brisbane-based VAL Paul Gedoun.

Now, and just a few hundred metres north, the old 151-room Greenmount Beach Resort, a faded jewel that was as glamorous as it gets when it was built in 1980, is gonna be offloaded and replaced, likely, with four or five twelve-storey towers.

Ain’t such a bad looker considering age etc.

Queensland developer Sunland Group bought the old site in 2016 for twenty-eight mill.

The following year they lodged plans for a $370 million build featuring two curvilinear towers filled with 247 apartments. It didn’t happen and in a recent review of undeveloped assets the company figured better to sell than linger.

The Greenmount Beach Resort holds many pleasant memories for your old pal DR including, although not limited to, being attacked with a glass bottle by a noted surfboard shaper enraged by my involvement in a bodyboarding magazine; meeting a pretty brunette with smoky eyes who would later become my wife; and presenting Kelly Slater with a twin-fin surfboard made by Mark Richards and painted in candy stripes and which would feature in a number of surf movies – a surfboard I’m pretty sure, helped convince MR to put the old board back into production, and to great commercial success.

Photo courtesy Sea Otter Savvy.
Photo courtesy Sea Otter Savvy.

Cute n cuddly sea otter caught trying to eat face off shark: “It was as if hell had opened up and spat forth a creature even more wicked than anything Tolkien could imagine!”

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to my American brothers, sister Jen See, and I hope everyone is looking forward to a fine meal of turkey, stuffing, sweet taters, mashed taters, candied taters, ambrosia salad, string beans con bacon bits, rolls and pun’kin pie with loved ones you are not supposed to be seeing.

Very fun, though, let’s be honest. Thanksgiving food is terrible. Every bit of it. And we must blame the British because I don’t think our Native Americans would have been so cruel as to come up with ambrosia salad.

Thinking about the British, here, where do you put J.R.R. Tolkien on the list of great British authors?

Near the top?

Above or below Evelyn Waugh?

I used to not care for Tolkien but he has grown on me over the years, especially his depictions of evil (Orcs etc.) in the Lord the Rings trilogy.

Even Tolkien, though, could not have come up with a more horrific tableau than was witnessed in Morro Bay, California last week where a typically cute n cuddly sea otter attempted to eat the face off a shark.

Michael Harris, of the California department of fish and wildlife, told the website Win for Outdoors, “To my knowledge … this is the first documented horn shark capture by a sea otter. There are reports of sea otters capturing skates and rays, but this is the first report of a shark. Sea otters will feed on fish, but it’s a very rare observation in California.”

The not-for-profit Sea Otter Savvy added, “Not surprisingly, while some nibbling may have occurred, the prey was not consumed.”

I don’t why “not surprisingly” and I don’t know what’s worse for the shark. Having half its face eaten or all of it eaten.

At the end, would you rather have shark face for Thanksgiving or turkey?

I’m on the fence.

Re-open for trading: Join BeachGrit’s winner-take-all Surfival League! One thousand-dollar cash prize!

Easy to play, limited numbers, a thousand bucks to the champ…

Editor’s note: Maybe you’ll remember the sad story of Shane Starling, the Berlin-based data analyst who won the WSL’s Fantasy Surfer League last year. Shane picked ten of the eleven winners and didn’t get a damn thing for his year’s work, the victory unremarked and unacknowledged by the owner of the game. Shane called the game, a “dead platform. You can’t communicate with other players, you can’t banter. And if they gave even a small prize it would make the competition more lively. You play the game and that’s it.”

So in swung Taylor Lobdell, from Costa Mesa but who works in the tech biz in San Francisco. He created Surfival League in March, and shortly before the tour was postponed. Twenty bucks to join. Thousand bucks to the winner.

Like the tour, it got iced. But now it’s back.  

Below, Lobdell explains how it works and how to join the gang.

Fantasy Surfer is back but “not sure if corporate will supply prizes”.

Also, WSL Fantasy is back and rules are as confusing as ever.

I believe Surfival League is the only running fantasy game that is supplying a cash prize.

Remember us?

We announced the winner-take-all “Survivor League” on March 12, and on March 13 ELO and the WSL pulled the plug and we’ve been hibernating ever since.

Thanks Erik.

If you don’t remember us, here’s a refresher.

Premise: Fantasy Surfing sucks and is complicated.

We’ve simplified it.

The Rules.

1. Pick one surfer each event.

2. Surfer must advance past Round of 32.

3. You can’t pick same surfer twice.

4. Winner takes $1000.

Want in? Buy in here.

We’re going to help you out here.

Here’s five surfers that should advance past Round of 32. Remember, you can only pick one per contest and you can’t pick the same surfer twice.

Kelly Slater

Yes there’s some “uncomfortability” with picking a forty-eight-year-old man with recent Instagram Drama, but it’s the GOAT and it’s Pipeline.

Gabriel Medina

Gabe is on a roll at Pipe with a runner-up finish in 2019 and a win in 2018. He’s going to get through the Round of 32. Only downside is you would be burning your Gabe pick early and having to watch that bow-legged cowboy march his way up to the grandstand to receive trophy after trophy for the rest of the year. But hey, at least you’ll be there to watch?

John John

Some kids grow up playing in their backyard swing set. John John played at Pipe. Stick him in there.

Jeremy Flores

Two-time Pipe Master. J-Flo did have a first-round exit last year, but lightning don’t strike twice, does it? Well, unless you’re my sweet old Uncle Staffy. Man’s been struck twice now out in the cornfields of Iowa. And once in Laguna. Call it luck, call it chance, but don’t call it a comeback. J-Flo advances.

Jack Robinson

Five years ago, little Jackie Robinson, then seventeen, won the Pipe Trials and in 2019 he won the Volcom Pipe Pro. Kid is comfortable out there. He’s a lock. But who has the key? The WA phenom has the skillset and the sweetpea personality to take it all… including our hearts. Is that enough?

Easy, right?

Who do you got?

Revealed: Western Australian Police used Glock 22 semi-automatic pistols to fire twenty-five bullets at twelve-foot shark that killed bodyboarder in “very unusual” shallow water attack!

And scientist predicts a spate of attacks by bull sharks caused by a rainy La Niña effect… 

Hitting a fish, even a twelve-foot, eight-hundred pound bull shark, at a hundred feet or so, ain’t easy as Western Australian police discovered three days ago after a fatal attack on a bodyboarder in Broome, a famous pearling town two thousand clicks north of Perth.

Charles Cernobori was a hundred feet offshore when the animal, likely a tiger or bull shark ‘cause Whites tend to do a u-turn when they hit Exmouth a thousand kilometres south, attacked.

After the man was pulled from the water by tourists, the cops used Glock 22 semi-automatic pistols to fire twenty-five shots at the animal, which missed, and the shark hung around for another half an hour.

In response to the attack, a scientist from Queensland’s Bond University has told Today that a rainy La Niña will, likely, lead to a spate of attacks by bull sharks this spring and summer

“Particularly if we get heavy rains,” said Bond University’s Associate Professor of Environmental Science Dr Daryl McPhee. “We know we have a higher risk of bull shark bites after flooding rains in the surf zone. That will be a risk.”

The man’s death marked the third fatal shark attack in Western Australia in 2020, following January’s Great White hit on diver Gary Johnson in January, and the disappearing of a local surfer by a Great White in October

"Yeah, twenty apiece. It's really happening!"

Angry Redditors create encrypted chat room to share explicit content bought from world #25 surfer-turned-porn-star Ellie-Jean Coffey: “Wow! A jackpot! It’s actually happening!”

A socialist experiment where capital is pooled and the harvest shared. 

A gilt-edged invite arrived in the mail yesterday, offering access to a Discord account where angry Redditors gather to pool cash, buy, then disseminate videos and photographs of Ellie-Jean Coffey.

The invite was free and the material I would be able to examine would also be free.

Two months ago, and shortly after Coffey had launched a ten-dollar-a-month subscriber-only website catering to men seeking the keys to their sexual gratification, some early subscribers had taken to Reddit to complain that even spending an extra eighty-five dollars on top of the subscription fee doesn’t necessarily grant access to forbidden realms.

A common refrain,

“Just echoing what everyone else has already said. I regrettably just paid $85 for her “private XXX shower video 🚿with my nipples showing”. Absolute lie. She’s wearing a white shirt and squeezing her tits but her nipples are not visible at all.”

“She just send me a $80 video of her masturbating… I think its $80 down the drain.”

What was remarkable, at least to me, was how many men will squeeze out large amounts of money for the express purpose of a torrid solo moment, gripping their weapons and twirling the snout violently against imaginary clit and vulva.

Sense has prevailed, however.

A socialist experiment where capital is pooled and the harvest shared.

In the encrypted chat-room I was invited to wander, I saw the former world #25 trussed up and gagged with red tape, ass cheeks red “my punished ass” and with a quizzical look on face; a nude frolic in a shorebreak with nipple covered titty-squeze, sorta snarl on face; topless on surfboard, nipples uncovered (“It’s actually happening,” writes velveteen KING); dressed in a bikini and a leopard skin robe, Coffey writhes on day-bed near pool (“She is literally the most awkward cam model I’ve ever seen,” says gmacdaddy); an underwater photograph of titties loosed from bikini (“Wow! A jackpot,” writes velveteen KING); Coffey standing and squeezing titties while noisily sucking on one nipple (“We’re basically paying for chicks to show the absolute bare minimum…she’s doing her fucking best NOT to show nipples. The audacity. Oh well, still gonna fap,” writes Noble); and the pièce de résistance, I suppose, a shower where a beer-can shaped purple dildo is licked and then used to achieve a theatrical on-screen climax, “Oh daddy!… I think I’m gonna cum! I think I’m gonna cum” etc (“She would be better off not faking things and just speaking honestly,” writes one old soul.)

The group’s latest crowd fund is to buy a $120 video that promises, “PUSSY FUCKED. My bare pussy getting penetrated by DICK for my birthday. UNCENSORED and NSFW XXX action for over 5 mins.”

Meanwhile, angry Redditors debate whether or not to invite Coffey into the courtroom for her alleged failure to deliver on promises, a detour into what constitutes “fingering” in a legal sense, very entertaining.

“The problem is,” writes budding Queens Counsel velveteen KING, “people say ‘fingering’, they think ‘she’s spreading her pussy lips for all to see’ which isn’t the same. People that keep saying it’s a scam or illegal are just upset because the reality is in what the expectation is. Which I understand, but it still doesn’t make it illegal.”

“So, I’ve been speaking to a lawyer buddy of mine,” begins another.

More as it cums.