Give the gift of radical Islamic terrorism this beautiful Covid-19 holiday season: “On the way home from Somalia, just post 9/11, I rode an airplane with four 7-foot-tall Taliban!”

Merry everything!

California will be shut down, entirely, by midnight tonight. No more pumping iron in the gym. No more getting super fit in the gym. But do you remember a simpler time, when the only terror that haunted our dreams was radical Islamic terrorism? A utopian bliss, in comparison and, as it happens, I wrote a book about that joy which you should gift friends and family.

Of course, when a book is being written much ends up on the floor. Like this passage right here.

On the way home from Somalia, a handful of years ago, I rode a weird transport airplane with four with 7-foot-tall Taliban. I can’t imagine they were up to any good in Somalia and their faces were etched into furious scowls beneath their black turbans, in the middle of their wildly bushy beards. I decided to sit next to them so at least I’d be the first to know when the hijacking was occurring. I mumbled something in the little Pashtu I knew and the 7-footer sitting next to me broke into a smile. We chatted in Arabic for the duration of the flight to Dubai. He leaned in heavily on me, insisting God was one and that I must recognize. I told him I agreed, and that Jesus was God was the Holy Spirit. Three in one. Weird but true. Absolute blasphemy to any Muslim and his frown returned. We went back and forth, he tried to trick me into saying the Hadith and converting to Islam, I told him I couldn’t. I was a believer too. At the end he capitulated and patted me on the shoulder with a giant, muscled paw and said, “You and I, we are people of the book.”

But you are a person of the book too, even if that book is the World Surf League Rule Book.

Pipeline is tomorrow-adjacent. Join the Surfvival League here before it’s too late. You can win $1000 and a Panda surfboard.

Happy Hanukkah (in four days)!

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mine.mine.mine
mine.mine.mine
5 years ago

Netflix Movie cometh?

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
5 years ago

Chas is a fluent Arabic speaker? Somehow I cannot imagine this to be true. Interesting book but should be in the fiction section.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

If you can imagine the limits of the universe, you may need to expand that a little. Did some study in Egypt.

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
5 years ago

Both difficult to comprehend.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
5 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

Every word of that book is true. Even undersold.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
5 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

Never fluent but conversational!

Otto
Otto
5 years ago

Reports are filtering out that Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini is dead. First the nuclear scientist, and now the radical Islamic radical of all radical Islamic radicals, and just before Christmas. Gifts indeed.

@surfads
@surfads
5 years ago
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
5 years ago

Good luck with the lockdown, Charlie and Californian BeachGrit crew. It’s pretty fucked. Hopefully you guys can still surf. Strongly suggest building a decent shed this afternoon in order to avoid wives and kids during these difficult times. Make sure it’s air tight so you can hot box the cunt. Also, given my time again I would have spent the extra money on acoustic insulation. Keeps you warm at night and you don’t have to change the volume every time you switch over from music to porno. Love you all. Will see you here a lot more in the coming days I suspect.

Paul Taublieb
Paul Taublieb
5 years ago

read the book.
happy hanukah to you, too!

snapper
snapper
5 years ago

Ballsy witness bordering on martyrdom.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

Why did ISIS cross the road?
That’s where the bombs will go.

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago

why did the racist cross the road?
to get away from himself!

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Let it go … it’s not healthy

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  Billy Hunt

just starting ….just not in me to let public racism go unanswered , otherwise it just becomes the norm…..hard to sit on the fence …….I see a problem , and become the solution , or try!

Otto
Otto
5 years ago

A transport airplane ride with a 7-foot tall Taliban…sounds like a blast.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Excellent work there my comrade of the truth and freedom.
Derek’s fins would love to make gags like that but he’s not allowed by his masters.
What a sucker.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago

You and me having to battle that Taliban leader Derek’s fjns reminds me of a joke…
Marine versus the taliban.

A Taliban leader was leading a team on a patrol when he hears from over the hill; ”One Marine vs. two Taliban!”
So the Taliban leader sends two of his guys, hears a firefight for a little while. He thinks he won until he hears; ”One Marine vs. five Taliban!
The Taliban leader sends five more of his guys and again hears a firefight, the dust settles and he hears; ”One Marine vs. all the Taliban!
The Taliban leader sends the rest of his guys and starts calling in reinforcements. He hears the firefight again and is getting ready to send everyone else when one of his fighters comes over the hill on his hands and knees barely alive. The Taliban fighter’s last words were; ”Don’t do it! There’s two of them!”

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Boom boom!!

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

So can ya tell me why the fucken Taliban are still getting stronger now?

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

The Chinese love that Opium, and seek to dig a trail for their Belt and Road Initiative right through Afghanistan.

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

huh , are you referring to when China was addicted to opium , by the colonial powers that invaded China 100 yrs ago?
We here in Victoria are part of the China Silk road , and with the USA’s opioid crisis , oxycontin anybody…or the heroin and ice problem…….you sure the CIA ‘s not part of the opium growing effort?

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago

do you think Otto would stoop to calling American indians , First Nation Fuckwits ??
Not so sure Otto is as white as you make out , to the point of dismissing Indigenous peoples and denigrating them like you….racist vermin alive and well on Beach Grit , go bexy.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Get those leaves burnin
You’ll be right.

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago

nah, like burning / BBQing white racists…..yum!

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Ah … I think I understand now

Urchin Sepsis
Urchin Sepsis
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Yeah, but the come down is devastating.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Well at least it is someone I could talk to at an equal level.


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